Tag: Christ

thoughts

new hope

alyssapebbles

The end of the year always brings a sense of hopefulness about the year to come…especially after a particularly difficult year. This has been one of those years for me. In fact I could say 2023 has been the hardest year of my life– yet also the most refining and beautiful year in many ways, as I have seen my relationship with Christ grow through suffering and realized my ability to endure through his strength.

Although I’m far from where I want to be, I see how far God has carried me and I am believing that He has good things in store for 2024. We have already been blessed with a new home that we get to move into soon, and I have seen progress in my health journey, although still rocky. There are so many blessings all around me if I just have the eyes to see them, instead of focusing on what I lack.

It can be easy to become cynical, bitter, or fearful after hard things keep happening to you and it feels like you are being constantly pummeled by life. It can feel like the other shoe is always going to drop. It can feel dangerous to hope, because nothing ever seems to work out. Engaging these feelings has been a great temptation this year, and I still dwell in these mentalities more frequently than I’d like to admit.

But God has shown me that there is another way to view the future– through the lens of His love and providence. To trust that He is still good and working, even though life has been hard. That He is taking care of me through the hard things as He always has, and will continue to in the future. So even when the other shoe does drop (and it usually does, doesn’t it?), He will be right there with me. That gives me no excuse to be bitter or fearful anymore.

Although I still hope for fully restored health, I am learning to take it day by day and to celebrate the small victories (such as not being in pain at night!). It’s so easy to see how far I have yet to go, but I know God is asking me to just invite him into the here and now, to be content with what currently is because this is where He is. That He is healing and will heal me in His timing.

I am grateful to put this year behind me but I will carry its lessons into the new year and for the rest of my life. I don’t want to erase it from my memory or pretend it never happened, as painful as it was. I have learned to appreciate the small things so much more because of the suffering I have had to walk through, and God has truly changed my perspective.

While a new year does not magically change our circumstances or make us better versions of ourselves, it does give us a refresh, a restart, in a sense. Just as His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), each new year brings new mercies. We can hold onto fresh hope in who God is and what He is doing. We can believe that this year will be better than the last, that the best truly is yet to come for us who are in Him.

Even if 2024 brings more hardship and pain (which it most likely will), we can rest in the promise that He continues to work in and through us and our circumstances. We can have a fresh perspective on pain and suffering, and begin to truly experience His peace and joy in the midst of it. We don’t have to be afraid because we know He is in control of every situation in our lives and in the world.

Our hope is not found in our circumstances. Our hope is found solely in Him, and because of that, we can rejoice because that means every new year He is with us. We can have hope because we don’t walk into another year alone, but rather with the One who loves us and is making all things new (Revelation 21:5).

So while I still have hope for things to change in 2024, I can rest knowing that even if they don’t, my true hope is secured forever in Him.

thoughts

staying in the hard place–where Jesus is

alyssapebbles

I’ve always been able to escape hard things. I grew up in an upper-middle-class family in the safe bubble of a quiet suburban town. I have two loving parents and was given everything I ever needed to be comfortable and happy: healthy food, a nice house, good schools, lots of family vacations… you get the point. I was never deprived of worldly comforts growing up, and other than the typical angsty teen years I never encountered true suffering.

I am so grateful I was raised that way. I am so grateful to my parents who worked so hard to give me and my brother everything. I’m grateful the Lord sheltered me from childhood trauma or abuse or poverty that so many people have had to go through.

But it made the entering the real world incredibly difficult. I had learned to expect comfort– to feel entitled to it even. So when it was stripped away from me, I had no foundation to make sense of what was happening.

Whenever things were hard growing up, I had my parents to fall back on– whether that was financially, emotionally, or anything else. I was a great dancer and I loved it but I wanted to stop dancing so I could spend more time with my friends, so my mom let me quit. I nearly dropped out of college because I knew I could just run home to them. I couldn’t hold down jobs after college because I knew I had a fallback. I never learned true resilience or grit. I never learned the art of sticking things out, even and especially when they got hard– because I didn’t think they were supposed to be.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

But then chronic illness entered my life. And in one short year I became both a wife and a mother. And I can no longer run from the hard. I can no longer call my mom to come save me from the darkness I face. No amount of money or emotional support can relieve me of the weight I now have to carry.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

But I’m learning that God can. And all He asks me to do is be still, and trust Him. To stay right here in the middle of the pain that feels like is stealing my best days from me, and trust that He somehow He is making beauty from even this. To stop frantically trying to heal myself or figure out ways to make my life easier or more manageable.

I can’t escape my own body and the pain I now experience daily, and I can’t escape being a mother to a strong-willed, smart toddler who knows how to push my weary mind and body to it’s absolute end. But I can let Jesus come and meet me in the middle of this mess of my life and give me a new perspective– one where my problems melt away in light of His presence.

Perhaps true resilience isn’t fighting against our circumstances until we have our way and our outcomes. Perhaps it’s simply accepting circumstances as they are– as painful as they are– and letting God do His good work. Not getting in His way with our striving and anxious efforts to free ourselves anymore.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6

When I try to run away, I’m missing out on the blessing that is right here. The miracle that God is doing in me and in my life, through the pain. Through the suffering. When I stay right here and look to Him instead of a million other things to try to get out of my pain, when I quiet my heart and fix it upon His steadfast love, His power is unleashed. His story can finally begin to unfold unhindered in me, instead of the frantic one I’ve been trying to write.

His story is so much better than mine. Where I see only pain, He sees potential. Where I see only darkness, He is light.

Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

Psalm 139:12

Would I rather keep trying to piece together all this brokenness in my own strength, trying to salvage something manageable out of it in sheer hopeless desperation? Or can I lay it all down before Him, the One who redeems all things and makes all things work for His great purposes?

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Maybe this story was never meant to be mine. Maybe it’s part of a greater story whose author is Love Himself. Maybe this story is all about His glory– and how glorious He is. I would be crazy to try to run from a story like that.

So when I wake up tomorrow and my body hurts and my son is screaming at me and everything in me wants to give up and despair, I want to choose to stay. To be present, and to be near to Jesus. To cling to Him with every breath, and to see Him working this all out for my good and for His glory.

I love the way Dr. Pardington puts it in the devotional Streams in the Desert:

The right thing is simply to trust God, for while we trust, He can work. Worrying, however, prevents Him from doing anything for us. If the darkness covering us strikes terror in our hearts and we run back and forth, seeking in vain to find a way of escape from the dark trial where God’s providence has placed us, then the Lord cannot work on our behalf. Only the peace of God will quiet our minds and put our hearts at rest. We must place our hand in His as a little child and allow Him to lead us into the bright sunshine of His love. He knows the way out of the dense, dark forest, so we may climb into His arms, trusting Him to rescue us by showing us the shortest and most reliable road.

I want to stop fighting and just be still, knowing that He is fighting for me. He hasn’t forgotten or abandoned me– no, rather He sovereignly allows every circumstance in my life because He loves me. Because He knows what kind of fruit it will produce in me, fruit that could be produced in no other way. He knows the harvest that is coming, however long it takes. His timing is not my own, but it is perfect.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

John 12:24-25

God is putting to death in me the things that were never meant to last: my pride, my idols of comfort and health, my hope in anything other than Him. Pain is peeling back the ugly layers of my heart. But the death of these things is what will lead to new life in Him. As a dear friend and mentor recently told me: I am like a seed that is germinating. Everything looks dark all around me as I am buried deep in the ground, but after I have died to myself, I will sprout up with new life.

Whatever kind of pain you are facing– give it to Him. Stop carrying it alone and stop trying to run from it. Face it head on with your Father who is for you and will turn it into something magnificent in your life. Lay down your own will and take up your cross. His way is better than you could ever imagine, and He will produce a harvest beyond your wildest dreams.

Maybe this hard place that I want so desperately to escape is the place right where He is.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
health, thoughts

in the midst: a choice

alyssapebbles

I have suffered from severe health anxiety for four and a half years now, when life as I knew it was flipped upside down in a small apartment in Santa Cruz, and I could no longer rely on a healthy body anymore.

There have been so many tears shed, angry words shouted, and dreams ripped away. There has been self-pity, bitterness, and despair of life itself. What is the point of living in a body so broken?

I have spent four and a half years fighting against my circumstances. Fighting against what I thought God had unfairly inflicted on me. Why me, God? Why this?

I have refused to see my health problems as anything but a curse– problems to be solved. I have put my entire hope into doctors, therapists, and anyone who claims to know how to heal me. I have put my hope into physical healing. I have idolized health as the ultimate goal of my life.

And finally, as my health problems multiply and seem to get worse instead of better, I have learned a secret:

The secret of acceptance.

After four and a half years, God has broken through to me in a way I can finally understand. That all this time He has not been absent– He has been very near. That in fact the very circumstances of my life and my health that I have rejected have been the ones that He has been using to draw me to Him.

Suffering has a way of doing that.

I think I’m only just beginning to understand it, but perhaps all this time this suffering has actually been a gift. Perhaps without it, I would never have had to rely on God deeply and develop the relationship that I have with Him now. Perhaps I would never understand the deeper realities of Him and His Kingdom.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:3-4

Maybe the goal is not to be the most comfortable and happy in this life. Maybe I’ve had it wrong all this time and it’s actually the suffering that refines me and helps me to see the greater opportunity of comfort and happiness in Him.

If this life is all there is, then of course we should try to make ourselves as comfortable as possible here. By all means we should pursue our own happiness.

But if there is more, if in fact we are only living in a shadow of what is to come– an eternity with the King of Love– then maybe, just maybe, this life is training grounds. And part of that training includes how we respond when life doesn’t go the way we want it to.

I’ve realized I’ve only compounded my suffering by the ways I’ve responded to it. And God offers a much, much better way: to run to Him.

Because He already knows. He knows my every thought, every single hair on my head. He knows this is not the way I would’ve chosen. But He has chosen this way for me because He loves me.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

What if there is so much more to my own story than I can see right now? What if all of this suffering is not meaningless, but is actually paving the way to a more glorious outcome than I could ever imagine? And even if I don’t see that outcome in this life, I have a guarantee that I will when I see Him face to face.

So whether or not I am physically healed, I can look forward to the new and perfect body I will have in Heaven, after I have run the race He has called me to. And for now, I can choose to see everything in my life– both good and bad– as blessings from His hand.

thoughts

lacking nothing

alyssapebbles

Why is it so hard to find contentment, to be fully present in my current reality with nothing but gratitude in my heart?

Why, when God has given me everything and more, do I still long for something else, for what’s next? As if He is withholding something from me, as if I am not yet complete in Him in this very moment?

No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

Psalm 84:11

I suppose it’s our miserable human condition– to always want more. To overlook everything good and perfect and right and see only what is lacking. To live in scarcity instead of abundance.

A year ago I couldn’t have fathomed the blessings that God has poured out on me. How generous and loving He’s been, how perfect His timing has been in my life. And yet, instead of appreciating those blessings and the Blesser Himself, I am focusing on what I still lack or what else I want– like a spoiled child.

Maybe the things of this world were never meant to satisfy us like He can. Maybe in all our searching and seeking and hoping for certain outcomes, we are turning away from the One who has already given us the best outcome of all.

I don’t want to live in this self-created hell of misplaced desire anymore. Desire for money, for a forever home, for perfect health. My desires enslave me; they hold me captive. I wake in the morning and think not of God but rather scheme about how I can obtain them. How did I fall so far?

But He understands. He doesn’t condemn. He created me– he knows I’m broken, that I can never love and desire Him as He deserves to be loved and desired. And He urges me to come home, to make Him my one true desire. He reminds me that He will take care of everything I want and need when I seek Him first.

And He wants to transform my desires. To help me see that the things I desire aren’t even worth desiring at all– in the end all is in Him. These temporary, worldly pleasures will not last. Health will not last. A job will not last. A home will not last. When I seek after these things and make them idols in my heart, I am replacing the One who can fulfill me with things that will never fully satisfy.

I want to be one who is so engulfed in her relationship with Christ that I can’t even see or think of anything else. To be so fully absorbed by Him that all my cares and worries, desires and temptations, hopes and dreams just melt away and I am completely content. Completely free to let Him bend me to His will and desires for me.

I don’t need to seek after my own gain anymore– there is One who has already given me everything.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33
Uncategorized

the home stretch

alyssapebbles

As I come nearer and nearer to my baby’s due date, it’s all feeling overwhelmingly real.

I’m really going to have a child, in like, the next few days or weeks.

I bounce between panic and joy and everything in between. Everyone wants to know how I’m feeling, and to be honest, I don’t even really know. But I know that this is happening, and I know that God is good.

I still don’t feel ready to be a mother, but I know I never will. Instead, I focus on that sweet moment when I finally get to hold this boy in my arms and look into his little eyes (which I hope are the same beautiful blue-green hazel as my husband’s!). I focus on the joy that I’m sure he is going to bring us despite all the sleepless nights that lie ahead. I focus on God and the fact that this is His plan, so He will see it through.

So we wait in anticipation for our little miracle to arrive, and meanwhile I carry on about my day with growing fatigue and discomfort, but also a growing joy. I know, deep in my heart, that this is all worth it. All the pain and fear and discomfort is going to make way for pure joy.

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

John 16:21

I’m reminded that this is always the way–anything worth having requires great sacrifice and often suffering. We must go through the “pregnant” period, the season of growth and laboring until there is deliverance. This pregnancy has made that very tangible.

This is only the beginning. Once our sweet boy has arrived there will be a new set of challenges, some of which may feel insurmountable, and I know I will have days where I feel like giving up. It’s easy to listen to all the lies the enemy whispers to me in the night that I don’t have what it takes and that it will all be too much. I know I will be brought to the end of myself over and over again…but that’s a good thing. That’s the only way to truly know God. It’s only at the end of myself that I will meet Him, and He will meet me. My life is not my own–what better way to live in that reality than to raise a child?

I only speak of what I know now–I’m sure my perspective will be very different soon. For now I’m working on surrendering my own life (and my child’s) to a God who loves us both more than we can ever understand.

thoughts

lemonade

alyssapebbles

I didn’t post last week because craziness of the best (but still overwhelming) kind ensued.

Long story short, God made beauty out of the ashes of our situation. He turned lemons into lemonade, as He tends to do. He always makes a way.

We were offered a nicer, cleaner apartment within our complex that gets afternoon sun, is in a quieter spot, and has an in-unit washer dryer: three BIG wins in my book. Best of all, there is no musty smell. They immediately put our previous apartment back on the market and I am praying that the next occupants don’t get sick. But I am so, so incredibly grateful to have a safe space for our baby that we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford had there not been mold in the last one.

Jeremy’s lil nursery beginnings

I knew God was going to come through for us, and it’s amazing to see Him yet again provide for our every need. There is still so much to do before our sweet boy comes, but I finally feel able to settle and nest in our new space. I can finally breathe (both literally and figuratively).

This whole situation has reinforced to me that no matter what, we will be taken care of. As friends and family have gathered around us to support us in this time, I feel overwhelmed by His love and how little I can actually do on my own. And I have a feeling this will be a common theme of my upcoming motherhood…

Dependence.

Perhaps as I take on more responsibility than I feel ready to handle as a new mom, God is asking me to give the weight of it to Him. Maybe instead of feeling weighed down by burdens and heaviness, He wants me to be lighter.

My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

My life verse. The words that bring my weary soul to rest–words to live by and remember always, especially in the throes of tumult and chaos (which is seeming to be everyday life…)

Adulting is hard enough; I can only imagine what it will be like to be a parent. I still don’t know how to change a diaper and our stroller has not even been taken out of its box yet. I will be far from a perfect mom. But I can’t wait to watch God show up in the middle of it all. I can’t wait to see Him provide again and again, as my faith deepens and grows. This process of surrender is not easy or quick, but rather a lifetime of learning to trust against all our natural and self-protective instincts. It’s a process of letting go of our expectations of what our lives should look like, and instead letting them be what they are: messy, scary, joyful, and everything in between.

This process of surrender is not easy or quick, but rather a lifetime of learning to trust against all our natural and self-protective instincts.

As one trial gets resolved, I know there will be many more to come–but I’m not afraid. Jesus goes before me and has already made the way; I’m only expected to trust and follow. He will continue to bring beauty where I only see ashes, order where I only see chaos. He is working behind the scenes and I don’t have to worry about what my veiled human eyes can see and frail human heart can comprehend. I rest assured of this.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

Psalm 34:19

thoughts

surrender

alyssapebbles

So…we have mold.

And I’m angry.

In fact, I’m furious. I don’t understand WHY God would allow this to happen. Again. Right before our baby is due. I want to blame someone, I want to kick and scream and cry and punch a wall. I’m so mad at God and I’m so mad at myself for allowing us to get into this situation. But most of all I feel…helpless.

Completely out of control.

And I hate being humbled in this way, back on my knees.

But I realize I have a choice–I’ve come to a crossroads. I’m weary and exhausted and I can choose to let this all consume me and ruminate in my anger and entitlement to a clean living space and MY plan for our life, or I can surrender. I can actually still choose to trust God, even in this. Even though it’s still confusing and I don’t know the implications of any of it yet, whether we will be able to keep living here or have to move out, I can just. trust.

Maybe it’s easier said than done, or maybe it can actually be easily done. Maybe it is just simply a release, a final surrender of my own will to His. Fighting is so tiring. I’ve been fighting for so long and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Maybe it’s easier to finally just wave the white flag and say “You take this.” Maybe this is what He’s been wanting from me all along and He uses these circumstances to shake me into awareness–I have no control.

None. Zilch.

No matter how much I have planned or prepared or hoped or prayed, things don’t go my way. No matter how much I try to control outcomes, they don’t turn out the way I want. So why keep forcing it and being so sorely disappointed? Why not just allow Him to have His way?

I recognize my anger comes from a sense of what I deserve, but God never promised to give us what we deserve. He promised to give us what we need.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

Friends, our foundation is shaky if it rests on anything other than Christ. Anything you have been counting on can be taken from you at any moment–health, friends, family, your job…whatever you hold you dear cannot be what you depend on.

We have to depend on Him alone. I have to, or I will be so utterly destroyed.

I can kick and scream and cry and be rude to customer service people but at the end of the day He’s God and I’m not. All I can control is the way I respond to the circumstances He gives me. And I have to be willing to take both the good and the bad from His hand. He has given me so, so much good–who am I to question what I deem the “bad?” I don’t understand what He is doing but I don’t have to. I just have to keep trusting and believing that His heart for me truly is good and that He is indeed going to provide for me.

Sometimes we can’t understand what it means to truly surrender until we are put in situations where we are forced to, where we realize our own weakness and futility. These are the pivotal moments in our lives when we decide who God really is and if we really, actually trust Him. I’m choosing to trust Him, because I see no other alternative.

thoughts

direction

alyssapebbles

Ever since graduating from college, and certainly even much before that (though I have felt it most tangibly in the post-college years), I have struggled with finding direction in my life. Perhaps it came to a head as I embarked into the post-graduate world with my heart on my sleeve, ready for all the amazing adventures God had for me in vocational ministry, only to be thrust into the confusing chaos of becoming an adult and having to make my own schedule and define my own path.

I remember vividly the panic that set in that first fall after college when my schedule wasn’t clearly laid out for me like the predictability of quarterly classes that I was used to. I had been living within routines and structure created for me my whole life, and all of a sudden I was supposed to determine how to manage my days and my time all on my own. While it should have been freeing, instead it felt incredibly overwhelming and led to absolute paralysis.

I was terrified of making the wrong move. I was terrified of the weight of the responsibility that suddenly seemed all on my shoulders. I had been hired as the Young Adults intern at a church in Santa Cruz, and I felt like a total hypocrite leading other adults when I had no idea how to be an adult myself. I had never been in a significant ministry leadership role and felt like an imposter. The fear was crippling and utterly debilitating–and I gave into it.

I didn’t trust that God could use me despite my fears. I believed the doubts and the lies that told me I had no right to be in that position. And that led to a series of seasons of deep questioning about everything I had thought I heard from God about His calling on my life.

For the next few years, I bounced around in so many different directions, trying to find a career path that would stick, but nothing really did.

And to be honest, not much still has. To this day, I struggle to discern what my vocational calling is. All the way up until the end of college the plan was to become a Christian counselor, but then God shifted my heart and I felt the pull towards vocational ministry, working directly for the church. It didn’t make sense when it was nothing like what I thought it would be.

I don’t think I’m alone in searching for direction, and I’ve come to realize that I have a lot more agency than I realize. When I was asking God all of those questions about where I was supposed to be headed and doubting every single thing that was in my direct path, I felt completely powerless. I didn’t acknowledge that maybe I was already where I was supposed to be, and that I could take little, practical steps to move forward. I was looking for a big, dramatic answer to my questions, instead of focusing on the seemingly mundane everyday choices I could make. I wanted God to just fix all my problems, give me all the answers, and lay out a clear and direct path for me instead of taking on the responsibility myself, with the skills, talents, and mind that He’s given me to do so.

I didn’t acknowledge that maybe I was already where I was supposed to be, and that I could take little, practical steps to move forward.

I think we fall into a rut when are seeking direction without a willingness to take action. I am certainly guilty of this, and sometimes the Christian culture seems to encourage it when we talk so much about “calling.” We have big dreams for our lives, but if we lack the discipline to achieve those dreams one small step at a time, we will be left constantly discouraged and demoralized. Perhaps the most valuable thing for me over the past few years has been getting practical–getting into the nitty gritty of what it really means to 1) be a disciple of Jesus and 2) move within that framework towards my own personal goals.

Our structure comes from His word. He lays out clearly how to follow Him, and after that… it’s up to us! There is so much freedom within His way for us to get creative in what we pursue. But if we don’t start with roadmap of His word we will be completely aimless and lost.

I’m not one with a natural bent towards structure or discipline. So I have to be extra intentional about how I use my time and need lots of extra help along the way by people who have travelled these roads before me. I’m learning that setting goals, even though it can feel scary or confining, is essential. If I don’t have a goal then I don’t know where I’m going. And I’m also learning that I can’t let my feelings dictate when and how I pursue those goals.

It’s not romantic and it’s not mysterious. It takes dedicated hard work and perseverance to see it through until you reach your goals. There will be lots of failure, and we have to be okay with that. We can’t let failure define us. But if we never even try, we will always be left wondering what we could have achieved.

I don’t want to look back at the end of my life and see all the opportunities I missed because I was afraid to step out in faith. I don’t want to be on the sidelines watching everyone else’s victories while I inwardly envy their determination and grit. I want to say yes to opportunities and directions that ignite my passion, even if they scare me to death.

There is indeed a path for your life my friends, but it’s not going to be magically stumbled upon one day as you sit around dreaming about it. It’s going to be revealed as you put one shaky foot in front of the other. Sometimes we will only be able to see where to put the next foot, and sometimes He may illuminate miles ahead of us, but either way, we are called to move. We are not meant to be stagnant creatures–this world is a dynamic place and it needs dynamic people to make it look more like God’s kingdom.

Let’s set our direction and run after it wholeheartedly.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-3

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thoughts

peace (on earth)

alyssapebbles

Another year has gone by, full of hopes and disappointments, successes and failures.

Sometimes the failures seem to outweigh the successes. It can be easy to become discouraged around this time of year, when the idea “Christmas cheer” feels more ironic than true. It can intensify and magnify our hurts and pains; remind us that we are not where we would like to be.

You’re not alone if you feel alone. If you feel discouraged, downtrodden, or weary. If you wonder when God is going to come through on His promises to you. If you have no idea what this next year is going to bring, and you feel tired of not knowing.

You’re not alone.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

~Matthew 11:28-30

My favorite verse. The one He never stops beckoning me to, inviting me to be still, and to know that He is God. To know it with all my heart, soul, and mind. That He is the one in control, and all I have to do is trust Him. All I have to do is lift my weary countenance to His endlessly loving Presence, and remember who He is and what He has done for me.

Remember that I did not save myself. That I never can save myself.

When we truly enter His rest, there is no more striving. There is no more fear, doubt, or shame. There is nothing but me and Him- and His perfect peace.

When you really see Jesus, I defy you to doubt Him. If you see Him when He says, “Let not your heart be troubled…” (John 14:27), I defy you to worry. It is virtually impossible to doubt when He is there. Every time you are in personal contact with Jesus, His words are real to you. “My peace I give to you…” (John 14:27)- a peace which brings an unconstrained confidence and covers you completely, from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. “…your life is hidden with Christ in God,” and the peace of Jesus Christ that cannot be disturbed has been imparted to you.

~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

Let’s allow our hearts to fully enter that rest; to be fully embraced by a perfect and loving God who has the very best intentions for us. One who cannot fail us or let us down. One who will always remain the same, unchanging in His unconditional love for us. Why wouldn’t we trust such a One? Why wouldn’t surrender our lives to Him?

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

~John 3:16-17

He is worthy. I am not, but I rest in the One who is. And that is my hope in this season- in every season. I only pray I can grow more and more in the knowledge of His love and goodness; that He would so fill me with Himself that I can be free from fear and doubt for the rest of my time in this world, and walk in His perfect peace.

I think Peter Pan understood this when he said:

All you need is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust!

thoughts

dearly beloved

alyssapebbles

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

~2 Corinthians 5:14

I am overwhelmed and overcome by His love. It’s as though I was dead and He has raised me back to life. His Word is taking on a new shape and weight in my life- it’s becoming real and it’s making me feel alive.

He is waiting for us. He is waiting for us to say yes to Him and embrace the love He has for us- that is what compels us. His love is what leads us. There is no other way forward, no other way into the Kingdom. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. As He tangibly reminds me of His love these days, I pray to be kept in it.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in His love.~John 15: 9-10

He is showing me what it means to remain in Him. When I search for answers outside of Him, I come up short, because my life is only found in Him. This truth is taking on a new dimension in my life. He is teaching me what it means to be ruled by the Spirit instead of the flesh; to be led by Him instead of myself. If I go forward in my own strength or am led by my own desires, I am not remaining in Him. I have to learn this through trial and error, heartbreak and pain. Unless we fall, we won’t know the incredible depths that His love can reach.

He is lifting me out of the depths and setting me back on my feet.

He lifted me out out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

~Psalm 40:2

I pray that as I go forward, whatever may come, I may remain in Him. Whether He showers me with blessings or takes away everything that I know, I will trust Him. My allegiance is with Him, because He loves me. He loved me when I was not worthy, and I never will be worthy- but He will love me anyway. He is the good Shepherd and I am His sheep; I know His voice and I respond only to Him.

This outrageous love compels me. There is more than enough to go around. He will transform us with His love if we will let Him, until there is nothing we can do but pour it out. I want to live always overflowing.