Month: January 2017

It’s funny how we think we are so in control of our own lives until one little change completely shakes and shatters our confidence. I am reminded how fragile I am and how much I allow the world to define me instead of God, who is the One in which my identity actually lies. We are so easily thrown off course into the wilderness, just like the Israelites, even when we might have believed only minutes ago that we were completely immune to that kind of sinful living.

God has reminded me how selfish I am, how very little I actually trust Him with my life when it comes to down to it. I “trust” Him when I feel in control, but as soon as I recognize that control as an illusion, I am immediately thrown into a fit of fear and anxiety and it’s like all the truth I know has just been thrown out the window. Where does this painful insecurity come from? It is not from God.

I know I am trusting God when there is peace in my heart; when my identity does not feel threatened every moment of the day and I am constantly searching for approval from others, devastated if I don’t receive it. Which is most of the time. If we are looking to other people to affirm our identity we will never be satisfied, because no one person can ever understand you completely. No one person can ever support you completely or love you completely. We live in a fallen world. That is why we need Jesus, so so desperately. Our identities, our souls, are at stake. We have to trust Him with everything or else we don’t really trust Him at all and we are subject to what the world says about us. That’s how it works.

Easier said than done.

So what do I do when the lies and anxiety and pain are so real in my head that I can’t breathe? I have to, have to, give it up to God. I have to let go and realize that it’s not my burden to bear. That God doesn’t want me to suffer in this way- suffer from my own doing: from fear. Trust is not passive; it requires me to actively fight against the lies and see my life for what it really is. It requires me to see the bigger picture of what God is doing and allow Him to do it, knowing that He has my best, and everyone’s best, in mind. It’s time to stop letting fear drive the car.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

Vulnerability is scary. It requires us to open up to others even when we do not know the outcome- we do not know how we will be received and perceived. It is a loss of control, a letting go of the image that we wish to uphold. It is is allowing others to see our humanity, and I think it is about the bravest thing one can do.

We live in a culture in which it is very taboo to be vulnerable; we are told to suck it up and make it look like we are thriving whether we are or not. Status and appearance are everything- the less you reveal, the stronger you are. We are told to shove down our feelings and pretend that we are okay when we are not. Showing feelings is showing weakness. But here’s a secret: the more you try to hide and shove down your feelings, the stronger they will become until they nearly swallow you whole. They will consume every part of you until you can no longer function and feel like you are going to burst unless you let them out.

Now I’m not saying you should go around as a completely open book, unleashing your problems and worries on every person you meet throughout the day. That is not vulnerability- that is seeking attention. Oversharing is a real thing, and if we don’t guard our hearts by revealing too much too soon, we will get hurt, no doubt about it. I know this well from experience. There are appropriate times and appropriate people to share with what is on our hearts, and it takes good judgment to know when those times are. However, this doesn’t take away the uncertainty of the response. But at that point it doesn’t matter anymore- it is not about the response. It is about the freedom that comes from letting go of the pain inside of you, of letting another person see you as you are; take it or leave it. It is about connection and reaching out, communicating that you need help and are not perfect. It is about repentance and coming before God and others in admittance of the imperfect human you are and your desperate need of the unfailing grace of our Father. That is where the freedom comes from: not that we will always be received well by people, but we will always be received well by God. In fact it is in our most vulnerable moments that He embraces us and we are able to connect with Him more fully. We come to know that we are unconditionally loved and accepted as we are, and there is no reason to pretend anymore. We no longer have to keep doing the exhausting work of maintaining our image and micromanaging others’ perceptions of us. We are free to be who we really are, warts and all.

We need to stop looking at vulnerability as weakness, because it is not. Vulnerability is strength, a quiet, beautiful kind of strength that you must re-train your eyes to see. Stop carrying your burdens alone- that is not how it was meant to be. Be vulnerable with God first- trust Him with your burdens and then, with your trust and foundation in Him, you won’t be afraid to be vulnerable with others anymore because their opinions don’t matter; the only opinion that matters is God’s and He is always delighted when His children come to Him in need and weakness. He is our one source of strength, and he provides people in our life who He equips to support us. Stop trying to do it on your own; lean on God’s grace.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ~2 Corinthians 12:9

As someone who is rather emotionally inclined, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing for me. Why I chose to live in the rainiest state in the country is beyond me, but maybe it’s because God wanted to teach me how to be led by His stable and enduring grace instead of my flimsy and constantly changing emotions. Feelings are so deceptive and misleading. If you’re like me, you can allow them to dictate the truth of who you are and of your life if you’re not careful; when I’m sad, I’m worthless and my life is a mess; when I’m happy, I’m loved and valuable and my life is great. What an unreliable foundation!

And yet sometimes the sadness is a downward spiral that I can’t will or pray myself out of no matter how hard I try. And it becomes bigger than me- not only am I hopeless, but so is the world and everyone around me. Instead of looking inside myself to see what’s really going on (which is usually something rather trivial to be honest) I project it out to the world around me. And believe me, it’s not difficult to find the negative in the world if you’re really looking. All you have to do is turn on the news or walk down the homeless-infested streets of Seattle. It is so easy to lose hope. And that is why we need a Savior who gives us everlasting hope, hope that doesn’t depend on our current mood or even our current world. It’s an enduring and perfect hope that can never be diminished by anything we encounter in this world, because it is not of this world. Our hope is in the Lord, our Creator and Sustainer. He is the beginning and the end we have to look forward to as followers of Christ. And therefore, if we look to His perfect and glorious plan which is not dependent on anything we do or don’t do, feel or don’t feel, say or don’t say, we will not be shaken. Praise the Lord!

I know it can be hard to get out of bed sometimes-to face yet another dreary, rainy day- but you must keep showing up. You must keep trusting that even though things feel out of control and hard right now, they will not feel this way forever. This too shall pass. Hold on to something more stable, something that will truly sustain you. Hold on to Christ. He is holding onto you.

We live in a culture that praises stress and busyness, as though those are the ideals that we need to attain: to be as busy as possible, as stressed as possible. You are praised if your calendar is completely full without a minute to spare; if your mind is going a million different directions at once and you suffer from multiple breakdowns a day. Why is this a good thing?

As someone who not only is interested in mental health but also a follower of Jesus, it drives me nuts sometimes to live in this twisted culture, where rest is regarded as laziness and stress as strength- a pillar of endurance. Especially among college students, the category I fall under, the busier you are, the more chance you have of going somewhere in life, of being someone.

What if we were all just rushing around in circles, instead of actually making progress like we seem to think we are? What if all this chaotic busyness, overstimulation, stress and burnout were actually hindering our potential to be who we truly want to be, who we were made to be?

God never says anywhere in His Word to keep every last minute of your day occupied. Nope, instead He invites us to rest. He invites us to be people of rest, and people who invite others to rest. When we are swarming around trying to get more things done in a day than should be done in an entire year, we are inviting others to do the same. We are sending the message that you are not good enough unless you are doing something, being productive, working towards your future…etc. And we are sending that message to ourselves.

Once you realize that you have value apart from what you do, simply in who you are, you no longer have rush around and be stressed out all time. You begin to be more intentional about how you spend your time, who you spend it for. You get more done by doing less. Your priorities are rearranged and you see how much time you’ve wasted on meaningless things. Ask God for eyes to see. I have and He has shown me how much of the things I used to care about and spend so much time on are hollow, empty pleasures- distractions from Him. His way is a simple way, a way that doesn’t even require anything from us besides obedience and trust. If we’ll say yes to Him, we can finally let go of all the things that have been sucking our souls dry and see that His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:29). He will show us how to spend our time, and He will also allow us to rest, because rest is critical for rejuvenating our souls and our relationship with Christ.

So stop spinning your wheels and get to know our Father. He has so much better for you.

God has a way of rejuvenating our spirit when we are lost and desperate and needy for Him. There is something so powerful about second chances, new days, New Years. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). He refreshes my soul when I have completely emptied it of anything worthwhile or substantial; when I have chosen the fleeting pleasures of the world over the lasting pleasure of living for Him. Why is this a lesson I have to relearn over and over again? Why do I forget God’s goodness, His faithfulness?

If we are not constantly refreshing ourselves, our souls, in the Word, we will forget. It is inevitable. Just as with anything you dedicate your life to, anything you worship, you spend great time on it.

You. Have. To. Spend. Time. With. God.

You will not grow in your faith and in yourself unless you do, unless you are constantly seeking Him. Seek, and you shall find, knock, and the door will be answered (Matthew 7:7-8). We forget because we spend too much time giving our hearts away to other things: TV, school, social events, our pets…you name it. In a world full of endless possibilities of idols we can worship, there is only one person that truly matters and will truly transform your life, save your life: Jesus. It is so good to be reminded, and I know the journey ahead is long and not easy; but it is so worth it. It is the only journey that really matters in the end-the journey of faith. And God gives me joy and endurance in the present to keep pressing on towards the goal. He will give it to you to.

We are always looking at what we don’t have and what we want. But when we want Jesus-truly, deeply, desperately want him- we are no longer in want. What a glorious revelation! We are finally content and finally able to live in the present, to embark on the adventure set before us without seeing lack. I have always loved the idea of abundance, and that is what God gives us: an abundance of grace, love, peace, hope, joy, strength, courage, and love. All things are possible through Him. All things. I am filled with so much hope for the new year, 2017, not because of the goals I set for myself but because of the goals He has set for me. Because He is doing a good work in me and will continue until the day it is completed (Philippians 1:6). All I have to do is keep reminding myself, and saying yes, and obeying. He wants to completely transform me and my life. We think the new year is about transforming ourselves, but its about letting Him change our very beings to become more like Jesus. It takes a constant and conscious surrendering of all that we are before Him, knowing He has more than enough to give us- more than we could ever possibly imagine for ourselves. Trust Him, and say yes to the journey.

The best is yet to come.