February 2019 – rhythms of grace

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace…
1 Corinthians 14:33

As humans, we try to make meaning out of seemingly random events to make sense of our lives; we want to recognize patterns in order to have some way to interpret our outer circumstances and inner world. When things don’t make sense or feel random or haphazard, we can feel helpless, unsafe, and confused.

I know my own longing for certainty, predictability, and stability is still stronger than I’d like to admit, and yet at the same time I also crave adventure and excitement. How do we reconcile these things? How do we understand a God who is stable, consistent, and never-changing, and yet at the same time disrupts our stability constantly to get us out of ourselves and remind us that He is in control? What part do I have in creating a “stable” life for myself, and how much do I entrust myself to His promptings and leadings that may lead me into places I don’t want to go and not make any worldly sense?

My mind is a chaotic place. This world is a chaotic place. Where do we find our peace and stability, when it doesn’t seem to be available in our outward circumstances or internal reality?

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

Repeatedly in the Bible God reminds us that He alone is our peace. That everything we pursue must be oriented around Him, or there will be no peace for us. I am finding this to be truer and truer in my life, as I find that everything I do apart from Him is fruitless and leaves me empty and unfulfilled. The more I get to know Him, the more my life becomes hidden in Him, and every part of my life can only make sense in the light of His love. Truly I cannot understand myself apart from Him:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
John 15: 1-4

If we want understanding, order, and peace in our lives, we must remain in Him. We must abide in Him, as His Holy Spirit dwells in us. Any other way we try to perceive the world or our lives will no longer make any sense- and this is completely for our benefit. For we were once like the rest of the world and were able to find peace and contentment in the world, but now we are set apart. Now there is no meaning unless God gives it meaning; there is no peace unless it’s His peace.

What does this look like practically? It looks like every day practicing the presence of God. It looks like spending time with Him, and remembering who He is and His great love for us. Grounding ourselves in truth of who we are because of what He has done for us, and moving forward in strength and confidence in His promises, even when we don’t feel like it. Even when all the evidence around us seems overwhelmingly defeating and we would be tempted to give up and give into the chaos, accepting it as simply the way things are and will always be.

I want to remain so rooted in Him that absolutely nothing can shake me. I want to be so Kingdom-focused and heavenly minded that He is all I see in every circumstance of my life; that nothing can discourage me or cause me to despair, but rather reenforce the gloriousness of who He is. If we can learn to set our eyes on the things above, we will bear fruit and things will fall into place without our effort to make them happen:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33

We can trust that He will order our lives as He sees fit, if we prioritize Him in all things. We need to stop fooling ourselves that there is any peace apart from Him, and completely surrender our plans to Him, knowing that He works all things together for our good.

Repentance and rest is your salvation
Quietness and trust is your strength

~Isaiah 30:23

I don’t know how I always forget. Forget that He is my Source and Strength. That He alone is the One I must rely on – He is my Life. It only takes ten minutes in His Presence to be reminded that I am not alone- that I am held by His mighty arms. But what if I gave Him ten hours? Ten days? Ten weeks? Ten years?

What if I gave Him my whole life? If in ten minutes He can transform something in my heart and reorient my worried being into a place of stillness and rest in Him, how much more could He do if I laid bare everything in my soul for Him to do with as He pleases, for as long as it takes?

How healed and whole could I become? How full and free?

As I re-read Ann Voskamp’s The Broken Way, I am reminded of what it means to fully surrender to His ways, even and especially in the broken and painful places, where we have been resistant to Him for so long. It feels nearly impossible sometimes; as though these things inside of us are irreparable. As though we’ve lost something we can never get back.

But He’s always inviting me to truly let go. And to trust that He really loves me, and He really is the truest thing about me and a real Person I can have an endlessly intimate and loving relationship with. That He really can redeem my past and give me hope for my future. That my future is found completely in Him, and I don’t have to worry my way into it. That worry actually hinders His good plans.

This is not just hopeful talk or a way to make us feel better about ourselves, our lives, and the world. This is real; He is real. And I am not ashamed to make my life completely about Him- to be completely dependent on His grace alone. The world will keep being the world, and life will keep throwing us under the bus. We will keep facing struggles, trials, and temptations- we should expect them and not be surprised when they come. But His love will not change, and we can learn how to abide in it every moment of our days: to allow the daily bread He gives us to be enough to sustain us.

I am not ashamed to be weak; I long only to be a vessel of His glory and goodness, and if I must remain limited in my human capacities to do so, then I accept my limitations with thanksgiving. And I praise Him all the more. He is my Father and He provides for me because of my weakness, not in spite of it, and He exchanges it for His strength.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

~2 Corinthians 12:9