Month: June 2017

How wonderful it is when amazing opportunities come our way and we are blessed with direction and purpose. Now given the opportunity to serve in a ministry internship in Santa Cruz, I feel the weight (or rather lightness) of this blessing full force, and I am so excited to see what lies ahead.

“So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.” ~Isaiah 30:18

After this season of waiting and testing of my patience, I have finally received an answer. Just when uncertainty had reached its maximum discomfort in my soul, I was revived with a new hope for the future. God is so good to those who wait on Him.

Patience is not one of my strong suits. Going through the month-long process of applying for this internship was difficult for me, as I had to wait and trust in the Lord’s provision, rather than get the quick and fast answers that I like. I had to come to the point of being okay with either outcome, knowing that whatever happened it would be for the best, but this point was not easy to come to. Every part of me wants to cling on to each new opportunity as the salvation of my life- as the thing that will get me to where I want to be. And that inevitably leads to immense disappointment. Every time.

Even when I have gotten those opportunities that I so desperately wanted, they never turn out how I expect. I think knowing that now will enable me to have a new perspective and an open mind going forward.

I am so grateful that God has given me this direction, and certainly feel His victory in this time, but I know that I will need to continually rely on Him for what’s to come. Now more than ever I must allow Him to change and sculpt me into who He needs me to be for my future service in His kingdom. These kinds of opportunities granted can lead to pride if we’re not careful, and so I go forward with a humble heart, expectant not of what only I will gain, but of what He will do this next year, and what He is already doing to prepare my heart.

You never know what’s around the corner. Be alert, be expectant, and be joyful!

I have always longed to be beautiful, and never quite felt like I was, except in rare, indescribable moments. I was made with a longing for beauty, but I have sought it in the wrong places, in the wrong ways. I have always longed to surround myself with beauty- my friends, my home, my clothing, my music. Beauty is something we all seek, and we all have different standards and definitions of what we deem beautiful.

God created us to seek and respond to beauty, because He is ultimately the most Beautiful:

“The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones–like jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow.” ~Revelation 4:3

We are made in His image, so therefore we are beautiful too.

We have a tendency in society to define beauty in a certain superficial, one-dimensioned way. It’s culturally determined and has nothing to do with actual, true beauty, the unique and incredible beauty that God bestows on each one of us. But as we humans always do, we try to fit beauty into a box: thin, white, blonde, curvy, blue eyes, muscular, tan…etc. I think this is so detrimental because it strips us of the ability to see what is actually beautiful, which is everything that God created. No manipulation necessary.

A baby’s laugh.

The quiet mornings with a cup of coffee and the hope of a new day.

A woman who looks worn and disheveled, without any hair, but has won the battle of cancer- and the cancer of the soul.

Truly beautiful people are not ashamed of their flaws and don’t try to hide them. Truly beautiful people are joyful and kind and gentle and their beauty has nothing to do with their looks- although beauty does spread from the inward out. You can have the blondest hair and the bluest eyes but if your soul is cold and empty you cannot be beautiful.

Beauty lasts, and beauty can be sustained. Eating disorders kill. Pills become harder to swallow.

Why do we keep chasing this lesser beauty, this beauty that’s not really beauty at all but actually ugly? I just keep praying to God to train my eyes to see differently, to see real beauty and honor that beauty. I think it will make looking in the mirror and finding another pimple a little easier.

We don’t get to choose our family, and sometimes they can mess us up real good. Or they can bring out the very best in us and make us who we are today. I think my family has done both, and I think yours has too.

Spending time with family is a great way to practice those fruits of the spirit: patience, gentleness, grace…etc. Sometimes our families drive us absolutely up the wall and we are tempted to overreact. It’s easy to fall into old patterns with family, but completely life-changing and transforming to develop new ones. To redeem those interaction habits that once seemed irredeemable and see your family from a new perspective with the lens of experience and understanding.

Going away to college is a good thing. I had no idea what kind of bad habits I had developed until my rug of safety, comfort, and security was yanked out from under my feet. I didn’t even know how to do my own laundry- no joke. My habits were entitlement, laziness, and a distinct notion that I was the center of the family and everyone catered to me. That can happen when you’re an only child for seven years. But I learned that not everyone is going to adore me the way my mom does, not everyone will be as easy to manipulate as my brother, or care about my success and achievements as much as my dad does. It was a hard lesson, for sure, but I am so much more independent and better for it.

Reentering old situations with a new lens is a beautiful metaphor for the transformation that takes place within us as Christ followers. We can’t expect our families to change, but when there has been a change within ourselves, our families will notice and it will make a difference. My mom always tells me how watching me go on my faith journey has inspired and ignited hers, and for that I give all the credit to Christ.

It’s never too late too mend old wounds, and it’s never too late to become new. Don’t let the past define your future, and don’t let it keep you away from those you love. God gave us our families for a reason, and no matter how messed up yours is, He had a purpose in the way you were raised. The battles we overcome make us stronger, especially those battles we have to face from our past.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” ~Colossians 3:13

Transitonary, in-between phases of life are hard, because they are uncertain. Uncertainty is uncomfortable. We don’t know where we are going, so all security and stability is thrown out the window.

In this season of my life, where I don’t know what lies ahead of me (as many other people in this season of graduation), I actually don’t feel afraid for once. I have finally learned to put my trust in my Maker and not in my own plans, because I’ve learned from disappointment after disappointment that my own plans are not good enough- that they will always let me down when I idolize them as the thing that will save me. I’ve finally learned to loosen my grip and trust that God knows the desires of my heart, because He put them there, and plans to fulfill them in His way, in His time.

Don’t get me wrong, this is still hard for me. I am waiting to hear back about an internship that seems like the perfect fit, an opportunity I jumped on thinking “This must be God’s plan!” Why else would He dangle it in front of me like a carrot on a stick? Surely He would not withhold a good thing from me. But in this (short) season of waiting, I am being reminded that I cannot control the outcome, and whether or not I get this internship, He will still be the leader and Lord of my life. He has not abandoned me if I don’t get it, and He has not abandoned me if I do.

We keep looking for things other than Jesus to be our saving grace, to be the thing that will make us. We idolize our futures as though when we finally get married, get that perfect job, have perfect kids, or make enough money to have the things we want and live a comfortable life, we will be happy. But what if you got that thing you wanted so desperately, and it didn’t fulfill you in the way you expected it to? What if I get this internship, and it turns out not to be not what I had hoped it would?

Last year, I applied to work at a summer camp and quickly accepted the job offer, thinking it would be the most amazing and growing experience of my life- that the experience would change me and I would finally find the happiness I had been seeking. It did those things, to be sure, but not in the way I planned or expected. God has to break our expectations to help us see that His are so much better.

We will reach our destination, but not on our own terms. The sooner we learn that the better.

“A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.” ~Proverbs 16:9