Month: August 2017

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not my will

alyssapebbles

Sometimes God asks us to do the hardest things- to surrender our own desires and wills for His. In fact if we are truly following Christ, we have to be daily willing to die to ourselves so that we may be filled with His life. Otherwise we are simply cutting ourselves off from Him and won’t be able to receive the glorious gifts He wants to give us.

God wants all of us, the whole and totality of our beings, and nothing less. When we let things, ideas, jobs, careers, family, friends, and relationships become our priorities- our idols- over Him, He is not pleased. When we try to make things work in our own power instead of His, we are destined to fail.

This is one of the hardest truths to absorb: Not my will, but His.

Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for? ~Matthew 16:24-26 The Message

Jesus Himself had to come to this agonizing point when He knew of the looming death that was ahead of Him, and He cried out to God:

Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine. ~Luke 22:42

Sometimes we push so hard for our own way because we are so terrified of giving it up to God- of what the outcome will look like. But when we are walking with the Lord, we don’t ever need to be concerned with the outcome. If we trust and know that He is who He says He is, we are free to surrender our lives before Him and know that whatever happens will ultimately be for our good- even if it doesn’t make sense right now. We can let go of our own wills and take up our crosses.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~1 Peter 5:10

God never leaves us in the dark- we may find ourselves there for a while, but it is through the trials that we grow and are strengthened in Him.

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challenge

alyssapebbles

As I begin this new season of my life and settle into the new rhythm of the culture and people around me, I find myself spinning a little bit.

This year is going to challenge me- that’s one thing I know for sure, amidst all the other unknowns. The uncertainty and fear that comes along with major life transitions can be overwhelming and all-consuming if you let it. I’ve experienced this enough times in my life now that I have better footing this time (or have more tools in my toolbox as my wise mama would say), but it doesn’t make it any easier. You don’t realize how much you’re going to miss something until it’s gone. I feel my eyes brimming each time I am reminded of the life I just left; yet looking forward in anticipation of what’s to come.

I also find myself at moments discouraged: familiarity is so comforting. New is hard. Especially when it is all new: new place, new people, new culture, new community. So much excitement all at once can blow a girl right over–even if all of it is good.

I know that this is the time when what I’m truly holding onto becomes evident—when all I have left to cling to is Jesus Himself, the one who knows me inside and out in a place where I don’t yet feel known by people. Friends come and go, but He remains with me. Changing circumstances can shake our world, but they also cause us to run to our Rock and Redeemer, who will always walk with us through our challenges and hardships.

God brought me to this place for a reason, and I trust Him with what is to come—even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. I know everything is going to fall into place, and I am grateful for this time of transformation. I have to let go of the old to make room for the new things that God wants to do in my life this year. Even in the midst of the uncertainty, I know there is joy ahead.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. ~ Hebrews 12:1-3 (emphasis added)

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endings & beginnings

alyssapebbles

It feels surreal to me that my time in college is over, especially since I am in the in-between transition until my internship starts on Wednesday.

Saying goodbye was not easy. The friends that I made in Washington are friends that I know will last a lifetime, which is why it was so much harder to let them go. God truly blessed me with amazing friendships and taught me what is healthy and what is not. I am so grateful to know this going forward.

While I still don’t know exactly what lies ahead, I don’t feel the panic that I typically feel in transitionary times. I feel out of sorts and supremely exhausted, but unafraid. I know this is the Lord’s plan for me and therefore His hand is on me.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Let the new begin.

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open mind, open heart

alyssapebbles

We can become so narrow-minded sometimes, so unwilling to listen the Father and what He wants to do in our lives. We have an idea of how our life should go, and when it doesn’t go that way we are thrown off, and find ourselves being tossed around in states of confusion, fear, sadness, and possibly even anger.

Receiving God’s will for us with open hands can be difficult, but it is the only way to experience the true freedom and joy He offers us. He will always interrupt our plans, because there is so much to be gained when we are interrupted and our world is shaken. These are the times He uses to shape us, as we become disoriented and disillusioned from the loss of our idea of the perfect life. In that state loss, we can cling to Him for answers and providence. These are in fact the best of times. We become more and more like Jesus as we depend on Him, and less and less like our sinful selves.

After the camp that I worked at last summer, I learned a lot about receiving with open hands- or rather, loosely holding onto everything I think I have a right to; the things I think are mine. Because ultimately, nothing on this earth- even my very own body- is mine. I don’t own anything. It all belongs to God. And when are hands are held loosely, we can let go of the things that are really dragging us down and receive new and good things, all because we are clinging tightly to Him and Him alone.

Once we accept that everything is a good gift from Above, we can face our challenges and interruptions of our plans with an open heart and an open mind, tuning into what God is trying to accomplish through them. Instead of seeing them as obstacles in the road, they become enriching parts of our story- parts of the becoming of who we really are. Everything in this world is fleeting; all that will go on is our souls in His eternity, so why should we reject what He is doing in us now in favor of superficial and short-lived pleasures?

“Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks.” ~1 Timothy 4:4

I want to receive all that He has for me with open hands, an open heart, and an open mind. It may not look the way I expected, because He is full of surprises, but it will always be exactly what I need and what is best for me. When I look back on my life, it is clear that He has used all the things (even the ones that don’t make sense to me) for His glory, and I know He will continue to do so, even if I don’t understand it in the moment. Because I know He is trustworthy, I can have peace in the middle of turmoil and uncertainty.

Know that nothing is wasted- everything in your life does happen for a reason. Cultivate your heart to receive it all with thanksgiving.