Month: January 2018

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faithful with a little

alyssapebbles

In October of 2016, I wrote about what it means to be a good steward. Here it is if you haven’t read it:

https://alyssapebbles.wordpress.com/2016/10/18/steward/

That word, now tattooed in cursive black ink across my wrist, still holds significant meaning for me, especially during this season of waiting.

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

~Luke 16:10

I, like many people, have a tendency towards short cuts. Skipping steps. Trying to get to Point C without passing through point B. You could call it instant gratification- I want to have arrived. I’m a results girl; all about the finished product.

But our God is a God of process. The One we serve requires great patience, endurance, and sacrifice from us- there is no way around it:

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

~Matthew 7:14

The path is not an easy one, and it requires all of us and all that we have along the way. That’s why it’s critical that we understand the value of stewardship: of being faithful with what we have now, so that we can be trusted with more in the future. If we don’t honor God in little that He has given us, why would He ever dare bless us with more?

What this means is that we have to be present. It means that we have to be thankful for circumstances and resources we have now, even if we don’t feel grateful or things are not ideal (which they never will be, by the way!) It means that how we use our time matters. It means that how we use our money matters:

Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops;

~Proverbs 4:7

Basically, all that we have we must give up to God as an offering. We have to remember the nothing we have is our own, anyway- it’s all from God in the first place, including our very own bodies. When we remember it all belongs to Him, we can move away from selfish ambition and prioritizing self-interest in our lives to being generous. From a place of generosity (with our time, money, talents, listening ears, etc.), God will bless us with more as He sees that we are being faithful. And we will find that the more we have, the more we will want to give away; this is the fruit of abundance and the way that our Father intended for us to live.

God is calling me right now, right where I am, to offer my life as a living sacrifice in all the daily small things. It’s not glamorous and it won’t draw attention from others, but God will see it and it will honor Him. It’s only through daily discipline and obedience in small, seemingly insignificant tasks, that I will become all that God has called me to be. Great leaders have been sanctified from the inside out- they know God intimately in the small details of life and therefore can be trusted by Him to do bigger works.

We all want to be used in big ways by God, but it starts with the small. Show Him you can be trusted with what He’s given you, and more will be added.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

~Matthew 6:33

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dying to live

alyssapebbles

In the world, life precedes death- but in the Kingdom, just the opposite is true.

After death, there is resurrection. This is what we base our hope on as followers. Death to ourselves and our sins, so that we may find our lives in Him:

If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you’ll lose it, but if you let that life go, you’ll get life on God’s terms.

~Luke 17:33 MSG

This is perhaps the most excruciating, yet liberating part of following Christ: we must die to ourselves and surrender it all to Him. I think of all the little daily things I am not willing to surrender, let alone the big things. But He wants it all- He wants all of us.

In the Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer describes this process at length:

For this God-above-all position is one not easy to take. The mind may approve it while not having the consent of the will to put it into effect. While the imagination races ahead to honor God, the will may lag behind and the man never guess how divided his heart is. The whole man must make the decision before the heart can know any real satisfaction. God wants us all, and He will not rest till He gets us all. No part of the man will do.

This process is a painful one, to be completely honest. When we were new believers, just starting to get to know Christ, it seemed easier- He wasn’t yet dealing with our deeper sins and heart postures, but rather just drawing us close to Himself. He wooed and enchanted us with His grace and mercy, with the beauty of His creation, and the new and fulfilling Christ-centered relationships we made within the body. We were “on fire” for God; the passion was ablaze, and we were ready to completely submit and surrender our lives to whatever His will may be for us. After living for so long without Him, following Him was a fresh, cool drink of water.

But then He calls us deeper.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

~Psalm 47:2

He begins to ask us to do harder things, to give up more than we ever thought He would ask of us. The process of maturity is initiated. We can no longer live the way we once did before we began following Him. We aren’t fulfilled by the same things, aren’t satisfied or comforted by the things we once were. We find that we have to keep going back to Him, abiding in Him constantly, or we seem to fall apart. The stakes are higher- we feel like there is more to lose by turning away. We become more aware of our own sin and the ways we fall short, more desperate for Jesus to cleanse us and make us new. We are tempted to despair of our own brokenness, but He offers us a different way.

He brings us to the brink of ourselves, so that we realize how dead we are without Him.

And then, only then, can we take up our cross. After the flesh has been starved, the Spirit can be fed. We begin our new lives in Him, completely rid of ourselves.

This takes discipline and practice. It takes courage and commitment, patience and grace. He calls us to our highest selves- holds us to the highest standard. He is a consuming fire and the closer we get, the more our old selves will burn away. He refines us and shapes us to be like Him, to become righteous in his sight.

This is what we sign up for when we decide to follow Him. It’s not the easy life- He doesn’t always take away our troubles and give us comfort; in fact, that is rarely His way. Rather, through testing and trials He teaches us obedience, and as we learn to obey Him more and more because we know He has our very best in mind, we will find life to the full. Just when you think it is the end, it is actually the beginning of something new and beautiful.

We no longer have to fear death, because Life always emerges out of the ashes.

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big

alyssapebbles

In my own head, I make my world small.

I let fear rule my thoughts, emotions, and actions.

I let lies become truth, and my courage dissipates.

My hope evaporates, and I’m left despondent and confused.

What happened?

Where is God?

How did I get here?

How did I let my life become so small, my heart so cold? How did I let fear become my reality, so that it’s difficult to get out of bed in the morning and face the pain of the day?

I stopped trusting. I lost faith. I forgot my God.

My God who can move mountains. My God who can make a way in the wilderness, make a way where I can’t see one. My God who would never let me get in the way of His glorious and wonderful plans for my life. My God.

He is still good. He is still faithful. He hasn’t stopped loving me because I made my world small- because I let the prince of darkness become my new master. He knows I am not control. He knows the condition of my heart and the endless circles my weary little mind runs in to try and do what only He can.

He sees me. He loves me. He forgives me. And He sets me free.

Free to leave the past behind. Free to move forward in hope and confidence, knowing that I am fully His and nothing I could ever do will change that- no failure is so great that He is not greater still. And He can actually use our failures to change us and develop our character, to make us more like Him.

I cry out: “How, God, how could you still want me?”

He replies: “You are mine, daughter. Stop running and hiding. Run to Me- Hide in Me.”

The shame is over. The regret is behind us. There is only forward, only here and now. We can wallow or we can be washed.

And He is with us.