Tag: love

thoughts

dearly beloved

alyssapebbles

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

~2 Corinthians 5:14

I am overwhelmed and overcome by His love. It’s as though I was dead and He has raised me back to life. His Word is taking on a new shape and weight in my life- it’s becoming real and it’s making me feel alive.

He is waiting for us. He is waiting for us to say yes to Him and embrace the love He has for us- that is what compels us. His love is what leads us. There is no other way forward, no other way into the Kingdom. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. As He tangibly reminds me of His love these days, I pray to be kept in it.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in His love.~John 15: 9-10

He is showing me what it means to remain in Him. When I search for answers outside of Him, I come up short, because my life is only found in Him. This truth is taking on a new dimension in my life. He is teaching me what it means to be ruled by the Spirit instead of the flesh; to be led by Him instead of myself. If I go forward in my own strength or am led by my own desires, I am not remaining in Him. I have to learn this through trial and error, heartbreak and pain. Unless we fall, we won’t know the incredible depths that His love can reach.

He is lifting me out of the depths and setting me back on my feet.

He lifted me out out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

~Psalm 40:2

I pray that as I go forward, whatever may come, I may remain in Him. Whether He showers me with blessings or takes away everything that I know, I will trust Him. My allegiance is with Him, because He loves me. He loved me when I was not worthy, and I never will be worthy- but He will love me anyway. He is the good Shepherd and I am His sheep; I know His voice and I respond only to Him.

This outrageous love compels me. There is more than enough to go around. He will transform us with His love if we will let Him, until there is nothing we can do but pour it out. I want to live always overflowing.

thoughts

living faith

alyssapebbles

As God brings me into yet another new season of my life with Him (or rather a continuation of what He began in me 5 months ago), I am humbled.

I am in awe of how real and true He really is.

I am in awe of how when we actually trust Him and obey what He is calling us to do, He changes something inside of us, and gives us a strength we never knew we had access to.

A simple and yet impossibly difficult choice to give Him something I so deeply loved and desired has led me to a new place of freedom and hope in Him. He has given me a peace that surpasses understanding and a renewed assurance of His good plan for my life. He has drawn close in sweet intimacy as I have let go of my own will and decided to choose His.

I am free.

I feel a greater purpose, a greater urgency to know Him and to have others know Him. I feel His Spirit pulsating through me and leading me into deeper waters; taking me to places that I haven’t known and are unfamiliar to me- places I wouldn’t have dared to go before now. But He has done something in me to make me more willing, created an even deeper longing and hunger for truth and righteousness in me. Maybe He does this when we finally let go of ourselves. And maybe this is exactly what we’ve always wanted, and we just weren’t able to see it until we decided to trust Him.

I can’t explain His ways, or why He moves the way He does, but I know that the longings He has put in my heart are meant to be fulfilled in Him alone. I know that He is my ultimate satisfaction, my heart’s deepest desire and strongest need. I know that He is bringing me into deeper dependence on Him every hour of every day, and that I cannot spend any time apart from Him anymore. The stakes are too high; living for myself is no longer enough.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

~Matthew 6:13-14

I want to go through the narrow gate- to walk the only path that leads to life. This past year has been a pruning process, but the growth has been unmistakable. I can only move forward with Him, as He will continue to prune me until everything in my life is conformed to His will- every thought, feeling, desire, and action. He is patient with us, and will allow us to go our own way at times to show us that is not the way we really want to go. I now see that His way is the only way.

In my pursuit of holiness, I will not forget His grace and kindness. I will not forget how much He loves me, because without love nothing else matters. He is Love Himself- a consuming fire that will never leave us where we are in His reckless pursuit of our souls. His love is what enables me to walk on the path; I cannot do it on my own. His love is what keeps me.

I am so grateful to learn these things now; to learn what it really means to let Him into every part of my life. He is saving me from so much unnecessary pain down the road, and developing me into a person He can actually use here and now, in the relationships that I have and the communities that I am a part of. He is doing all of this work in me so His light can shine through me and give others Hope. This work that can only be done when we lay down our lives before Him and let Him have His way, no matter what it costs us- and eventually it will cost us everything. We cannot have Him while we are still holding onto ourselves.

For now, I am content to continue giving Him the little things every day; the little rebellious parts of my heart that are still clinging to the world and to myself. I know that every little sacrifice to Him makes Him glad, and every time I posture my heart back to Him I am more free.

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

~Psalm 59:16

thoughts

delight

alyssapebbles

Delight in the Lord

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

We become so bogged down by our “burdens” at times, we forget that the Father actually intends for us to have peace, joy, and life. There are indeed times for suffering and waiting patiently on Him, but there are also times when that suffering is self-inflicted and unnecessary. We keep ourselves from Him in the name of religion and asceticism, thinking that we are somehow honoring Him in our grumbling.

I love how He reminds us to delight in Him- how it’s actually a delight to be with Him and spend time with Him; to get to know Him as a friend and companion on this crazy journey of life. We find joy in the relationship with Him- it’s as simple as that. He is a relief from the chaos and madness of our lives. It’s like being with your best friend, who loves you despite all your ridiculousness and faults. He’s warm and caring, friendly and personable. He has a sense of humor, and He allows us to see ourselves clearly in a gentle and loving way, without any fear, shame, or embarrassment- just as a good friend does. He’s a fresh breath of air in a suffocating world. And He wants us to rejoice– He wants us to be so filled with joy we are overflowing; to laugh, to sing, to dance, and to play in this world that He has created for us! Creativity flows from a joyful heart, so He must have been joyful when He created the world, therefore we must be joyful. And joy only comes when we relax and let down our guards; the walls and defense mechanisms that keep us tightly wound.

Why do we act as though He is cold and distant, instead of near and close? We go about our lives as though He’s disinterested or disapproving, as though we constantly have to prove ourselves to Him and those around us. Of course we are drained and exhausted; of course our joy is gone- living in constant striving kills the soul. Yet that feels so much more natural to us than resting in His love and friendship. We can’t believe He could even possibly like us the way we are, let alone enjoy us. We tell ourselves we can have joy once we’ve earned it- we can have the good life when we deserve it. We don’t accept the gift of His Spirit right here and now, because we don’t feel we are ready to walk with Him; we are not qualified yet. We must prove ourselves righteous before we are “holy” enough to live the life He wants for us.

But this is the reverse of how it works with God. It actually starts with Him.

If we live our lives in constant anticipation of the day when we are finally good enough, we never will be. We have to recognize that day is here, the time is now. There is no prerequisite to being with Him; we can go to Him at any time, in any place, and He welcomes us with open arms. That is always the first step to growth and change. We have to stop trying to circumnavigate this key piece of our transformation- without Him we are hopeless. But once we do turn back to Him, in an instant everything changes and He gives us everything we need to move forward.

He’s as close to us as our very breath, as palpable as the warm embrace of someone you love. He’s real, He’s here, all around us and in us. He’s not far. And His heart for us is good.

It’s so easy to lose sight of who He is, and once we forget, we can no longer experience peace. We can’t be fully free and joyful until we know and are convinced of His realness, His goodness, His absolutely unconditional love for us.

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When all seems lost, I’m found in Him. When I’m broken and afraid, He lifts me up and replaces my crippling fear with His perfect love. He doesn’t require anything of me other than my entire being, surrendered to Him, which is the easiest thing in the world when I love Him the most. But it’s the hardest thing when other things of the world have my attention and hope. He keeps on pursuing me, regardless of if I pursue Him or not. He keeps reaching into my heart, digging around and excavating until He finds something responsive to His touch, something true and pure. And He grows that in me until it so fills me until there is no more room for the old impurities. They have no place in my heart anymore, once He has so filled me.

He’s not shy and He’s not restrained. He’ll do anything to get to me- He’s a jealous God who won’t stand for anything or anyone other than Him vying for my attention and heart.

When we find this place of joy in Him, nothing can stop us- His purposes cannot be constrained. We are no longer self-conscious or limited by our own assessment of ourselves and our capabilities. He surpasses our expectations and those things we never thought we could do, desires of our hearts we never thought we could have, now become possible. When we believe He really is who He says He is, nothing is impossible.

Following God is not a chore or a burden; it is the most life-giving pursuit one can ever give himself to. I am overwhelmed when I remember (when He reminds me) of the privilege of this call on our lives- how it demands all of us but it is the most fulfilling life we could ever dream of. With great privilege comes great responsibility, but there’s no greater motivation than a loving and giving Father who brings us to our very best. A Father who delights in us and is pleased with us, so that we may find endless pleasure and satisfaction in Him.

Nothing makes my heart happier than Him, and nothing ever will. It’s what I was made for, and I’m not ashamed to delight in Him.

 

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overwhelmed

alyssapebbles

The sheer weight and force of God’s love is too overwhelming for us to bear. We cannot comprehend the heights and the depths of His love for us. Sometimes I feel as though I’m drowning in it.

How could I deserve such love, someone like me? What did I do to earn it?

Once again, He’s teaching to me to receive. To remember the treasure that I am as His daughter, and to fully rest in it.

We like to think that we are completely in control of our lives, until He knocks us off our feet and we find ourselves in over our heads. He’s looking to see how we respond to those times- will we turn to Him or try to handle everything ourselves? Will we lean in or run away?

When His love comes in a way we don’t expect, our tendency is to believe it’s too good to be true. But this undermines what He is trying to do; our job is never to determine the appropriateness of His love, to decide what we do or don’t deserve. He loves us the way He loves us, and receiving it is a part of obedience. It’s part of our walk to let Him lavish us, even when it makes us squeamish.

We don’t hold onto the gifts- we cling to the Giver. He will always be faithful and His promises will always stand. Part of His loving us includes giving us gifts, but that is not the love itself. We must continue to rest in Love Himself.

The worship song “In Over My Head” by Jenn Johnson comes to mind, a song about losing control but finding freedom in His overwhelming love:

I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
And I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to
I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where I’ve never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind
Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
Oh it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
And whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m beautifully in over my head
Beautifully in over my head
I want to lose myself in His love, and no other. I want to be His first, before I belong to anyone else. And even when my heart for Him is restrained, even when I hold back out of fear, He continues to pursue me. I would rather drown in His ocean than stand on sinking sand. His grace covers my weaknesses, fears, and doubts, and I am secure in Him.
In these deep waters, we are held.
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a holy responsibility

alyssapebbles

When we decide to follow Christ, we are given a huge and beautiful responsibility:

To love others.

We are given the opportunity to lay down our own needs and wants and to serve one another in love.

Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction.

~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

It’s actually not a choice to love others- it’s a command. And it happens because we were loved first. We received love from Christ, and now we get to spread that love to a very broken world.

It’s a privilege.

However, when I think about all the people that God has placed in my life to love, I feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot of people, and a lot of pain. A lot of complicated stories and murky waters. Something cold in my heart tells me to back away, to not become too involved or engaged- because I already have enough to deal with. I don’t need to absorb others hurts. I don’t need more pain in my life. There’s a fierce protective mechanism inside of me that  tells me to shut others out. To only get so close. If I get too close I might get burned, or lost in someone else’s story.

What a strange idea.

Sometimes I feel like people need too much from me, and I don’t have enough to give. I wish I had the energy to love everyone as they need to be loved. I wish I could always disregard myself and have a heart only for those around me. But it can be so exhausting.

Because I’m looking at it the wrong way.

In my pride and selfishness, I’m taking it on as completely my own responsibility. It is a responsibility, but it’s not fully mine. The way that I love others is not by sheer effort and determination. My weak and selfish heart could never handle that burden; I am so limited as a human- I don’t have the capacity to love the way I am supposed to.

I can’t do it on my own. I can’t love well- not when I am trying to do it by myself.

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

~1 John 4:7-8

Here’s the beautiful part: God loves for us. He is Love.

So the love we have for others does not come from ourself, from our own efforts. When we choose to love the people God has put in our lives, we are not left alone to figure out how to do it. He will show us how, and can even change our feelings about people (although love is by no means just a feeling). He will give us His spirit of discernment, to help us see what they really need instead of what they may want. To see our specific role in their lives, instead of trying to be everything for them.

We can’t be everything for anyone. 

Loving people is not about pleasing them, or making sure they are comfortable all the time. It is about pointing them back to the Father, who is love Himself. 

When I know to my core that I am deeply loved by God, I am able to love others well. It’s as simple as that. Our relationship with Him will overflow into our relationships with others, for better or for worse. When I am trying to love people in my own strength, my love will not be strong enough.

And then it’s no longer really a responsibility at all. Then I am free to enjoy people because I am not trying so hard- because I am not carrying a burden that is not mine to bear. And something wild and natural begins to happen: real love begins to grow as I see the person for who they are and meet them where they are at. I can see how God is showing up in our relationship- how He has orchestrated things so that we would connect in a certain way, through a certain conversation or circumstance. It only happens when I remember that it’s not up to me.

I’m so grateful that the best way to love others is by loving God the most. Because God is easy to love, whereas people are not. God’s character is perfect and consistent, and He has proven Himself faithful over and over again. I never have to doubt His motives with me, or question His authority in my life. I know He will always be there for me, and knows just the way to speak to my heart.

A love like that has to be shared.

 

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choice

alyssapebbles

Sometimes you find yourself in a place where you have two choices: keep going or give up. To keep going feels impossibly hard, but to give up feels equally painful.

What do you do?

God doesn’t call us to easy things, but He does make a way where we don’t see one. If we will just continue to say yes to Him and His promises, He will not let us down. We may not see immediate effects, but the fruit will come.

In times like these, I have to rely on Him alone. He uses so many people to speak into my life and fill me with truth, but ultimately it is my decision. My decision to believe what He says about me, to take hold of His promises for me- to take ownership of the circumstances He has given me and be a good steward. My decision to take up my cross and follow Him, whatever may come. And then, when my own strength fails (which it does all the time), His strength will come into me. I cannot rely on myself- my feelings are fickle and always lead me astray. But HE is reliable. HE alone is my salvation, and HE guides me into abundant life. 

When fear and anxiety are taking over and consuming you, DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not let those voices win. Listen to your Father- He loves you. His voice is not hurried or rushed, fear-arousing or anxiety-producing. His voice is calm and graceful, trustworthy and true.

Let His love define you. Let His love shape you. Let Him take care of you, and make you well. In Him we find healing, truth, and rest.

Rest in Him. He will provide and you will not be disappointed.