joy – rhythms of grace

the home stretch

July 12, 2021July 12, 2021 alyssapebbles

As I come nearer and nearer to my baby’s due date, it’s all feeling overwhelmingly real.

I’m really going to have a child, in like, the next few days or weeks.

I bounce between panic and joy and everything in between. Everyone wants to know how I’m feeling, and to be honest, I don’t even really know. But I know that this is happening, and I know that God is good.

I still don’t feel ready to be a mother, but I know I never will. Instead, I focus on that sweet moment when I finally get to hold this boy in my arms and look into his little eyes (which I hope are the same beautiful blue-green hazel as my husband’s!). I focus on the joy that I’m sure he is going to bring us despite all the sleepless nights that lie ahead. I focus on God and the fact that this is His plan, so He will see it through.

So we wait in anticipation for our little miracle to arrive, and meanwhile I carry on about my day with growing fatigue and discomfort, but also a growing joy. I know, deep in my heart, that this is all worth it. All the pain and fear and discomfort is going to make way for pure joy.

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.
John 16:21

I’m reminded that this is always the way–anything worth having requires great sacrifice and often suffering. We must go through the “pregnant” period, the season of growth and laboring until there is deliverance. This pregnancy has made that very tangible.

This is only the beginning. Once our sweet boy has arrived there will be a new set of challenges, some of which may feel insurmountable, and I know I will have days where I feel like giving up. It’s easy to listen to all the lies the enemy whispers to me in the night that I don’t have what it takes and that it will all be too much. I know I will be brought to the end of myself over and over again…but that’s a good thing. That’s the only way to truly know God. It’s only at the end of myself that I will meet Him, and He will meet me. My life is not my own–what better way to live in that reality than to raise a child?

I only speak of what I know now–I’m sure my perspective will be very different soon. For now I’m working on surrendering my own life (and my child’s) to a God who loves us both more than we can ever understand.

thoughts

delight

July 9, 2018July 9, 2018 alyssapebbles

Delight in the Lord

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

We become so bogged down by our “burdens” at times, we forget that the Father actually intends for us to have peace, joy, and life. There are indeed times for suffering and waiting patiently on Him, but there are also times when that suffering is self-inflicted and unnecessary. We keep ourselves from Him in the name of religion and asceticism, thinking that we are somehow honoring Him in our grumbling.

I love how He reminds us to delight in Him- how it’s actually a delight to be with Him and spend time with Him; to get to know Him as a friend and companion on this crazy journey of life. We find joy in the relationship with Him- it’s as simple as that. He is a relief from the chaos and madness of our lives. It’s like being with your best friend, who loves you despite all your ridiculousness and faults. He’s warm and caring, friendly and personable. He has a sense of humor, and He allows us to see ourselves clearly in a gentle and loving way, without any fear, shame, or embarrassment- just as a good friend does. He’s a fresh breath of air in a suffocating world. And He wants us to rejoice– He wants us to be so filled with joy we are overflowing; to laugh, to sing, to dance, and to play in this world that He has created for us! Creativity flows from a joyful heart, so He must have been joyful when He created the world, therefore we must be joyful. And joy only comes when we relax and let down our guards; the walls and defense mechanisms that keep us tightly wound.

Why do we act as though He is cold and distant, instead of near and close? We go about our lives as though He’s disinterested or disapproving, as though we constantly have to prove ourselves to Him and those around us. Of course we are drained and exhausted; of course our joy is gone- living in constant striving kills the soul. Yet that feels so much more natural to us than resting in His love and friendship. We can’t believe He could even possibly like us the way we are, let alone enjoy us. We tell ourselves we can have joy once we’ve earned it- we can have the good life when we deserve it. We don’t accept the gift of His Spirit right here and now, because we don’t feel we are ready to walk with Him; we are not qualified yet. We must prove ourselves righteous before we are “holy” enough to live the life He wants for us.

But this is the reverse of how it works with God. It actually starts with Him.

If we live our lives in constant anticipation of the day when we are finally good enough, we never will be. We have to recognize that day is here, the time is now. There is no prerequisite to being with Him; we can go to Him at any time, in any place, and He welcomes us with open arms. That is always the first step to growth and change. We have to stop trying to circumnavigate this key piece of our transformation- without Him we are hopeless. But once we do turn back to Him, in an instant everything changes and He gives us everything we need to move forward.

He’s as close to us as our very breath, as palpable as the warm embrace of someone you love. He’s real, He’s here, all around us and in us. He’s not far. And His heart for us is good.

It’s so easy to lose sight of who He is, and once we forget, we can no longer experience peace. We can’t be fully free and joyful until we know and are convinced of His realness, His goodness, His absolutely unconditional love for us.

When all seems lost, I’m found in Him. When I’m broken and afraid, He lifts me up and replaces my crippling fear with His perfect love. He doesn’t require anything of me other than my entire being, surrendered to Him, which is the easiest thing in the world when I love Him the most. But it’s the hardest thing when other things of the world have my attention and hope. He keeps on pursuing me, regardless of if I pursue Him or not. He keeps reaching into my heart, digging around and excavating until He finds something responsive to His touch, something true and pure. And He grows that in me until it so fills me until there is no more room for the old impurities. They have no place in my heart anymore, once He has so filled me.

He’s not shy and He’s not restrained. He’ll do anything to get to me- He’s a jealous God who won’t stand for anything or anyone other than Him vying for my attention and heart.

When we find this place of joy in Him, nothing can stop us- His purposes cannot be constrained. We are no longer self-conscious or limited by our own assessment of ourselves and our capabilities. He surpasses our expectations and those things we never thought we could do, desires of our hearts we never thought we could have, now become possible. When we believe He really is who He says He is, nothing is impossible.

Following God is not a chore or a burden; it is the most life-giving pursuit one can ever give himself to. I am overwhelmed when I remember (when He reminds me) of the privilege of this call on our lives- how it demands all of us but it is the most fulfilling life we could ever dream of. With great privilege comes great responsibility, but there’s no greater motivation than a loving and giving Father who brings us to our very best. A Father who delights in us and is pleased with us, so that we may find endless pleasure and satisfaction in Him.

Nothing makes my heart happier than Him, and nothing ever will. It’s what I was made for, and I’m not ashamed to delight in Him.

Uncategorized

choice

October 19, 2017 alyssapebbles

Sometimes you find yourself in a place where you have two choices: keep going or give up. To keep going feels impossibly hard, but to give up feels equally painful.

What do you do?

God doesn’t call us to easy things, but He does make a way where we don’t see one. If we will just continue to say yes to Him and His promises, He will not let us down. We may not see immediate effects, but the fruit will come.

In times like these, I have to rely on Him alone. He uses so many people to speak into my life and fill me with truth, but ultimately it is my decision. My decision to believe what He says about me, to take hold of His promises for me- to take ownership of the circumstances He has given me and be a good steward. My decision to take up my cross and follow Him, whatever may come. And then, when my own strength fails (which it does all the time), His strength will come into me. I cannot rely on myself- my feelings are fickle and always lead me astray. But HE is reliable. HE alone is my salvation, and HE guides me into abundant life.

When fear and anxiety are taking over and consuming you, DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not let those voices win. Listen to your Father- He loves you. His voice is not hurried or rushed, fear-arousing or anxiety-producing. His voice is calm and graceful, trustworthy and true.

Let His love define you. Let His love shape you. Let Him take care of you, and make you well. In Him we find healing, truth, and rest.

Rest in Him. He will provide and you will not be disappointed.