Month: June 2020

2020 has been a year of both incredible blessing and immense sorrow. My heart has been overflowing and broken in the same day, almost every day. Sometimes it all feels so confusing. And I wonder how to hold both the joy and the sorrow at the same time.

Processing with a good friend yesterday made me realize how heavy my heart has been recently, even though there are so many good things in the near future. And I felt guilty for feeling the heaviness when I feel I should be overjoyed and grateful in this present season. She reassured me it is okay to feel what I feel- even if the feelings are conflicting.

I feel both joy and sorrow. Gratitude and bitterness. Excitement and fear.

I think that is called being human, and living in the tension of this life. Certainly many things have been heightened in this time, between a pandemic, mass social justice movement, unexpected personal health struggles, and an upcoming wedding- but I think I always experience these torn emotions to some degree.

There is always a combination of good and bad in our lives. We can’t deny the bad, but we also can’t dwell on it. We must learn how to hold both.

Jesus was a “man of sorrows” but also always rejoicing with others (Isaiah 53:3). He wept and laughed. He was angry at injustice and celebrated with others in their joy.

Likewise, Paul was “sorrowful yet always rejoicing” (2 Corinthians 6:10).

We have to be willing to accept the full spectrum of emotions if we are to be fully human. Though it is easier to deny the hard things and focus on the good, or deny the good things and focus on the bad, we must learn to see both with the balanced perspective and maturity that only God can give. Otherwise the hard things will crush us or we will be ignorantly optimistic.

And in the end, everything truly is a blessing if we realize that God wastes nothing in our lives. Every moment of suffering is an opportunity for growth and new life. So we can feel the pain, but we can also know that is doing a good work in us if we let it:

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:4

These are Jesus’ words:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:43-48

This is a high bar, and one of the biggest challenges of the Christian faith. Yet, it is what we are called to and what we must do if we are truly seeking to advance God’s kingdom.

Right now I don’t see much love for our enemies. I see hatred and revenge on both sides; I see one group tired and weary of oppression and fighting back in desperation in productive and non-productive ways, while the other group either defends or reinforces the oppression, and thus the cycle of blaming and hatred continues. The polarization continues. The true enemy of our souls keeps us thinking that our enemies are other human beings.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12

What if we realized that our enemy is not the black person, the police officer, the protestors, the authorities, the Democrat, or the Republican? What if we realized that we are all human beings under the same God and it is our true enemy’s goal to divide and isolate us from one another? That by continuing the cycle of hatred we are playing right into his insidious scheme?

Jesus did not fight back against his enemies. He loved them. By laying down his life for them he showed them a different, more powerful way to fight. It may have seemed to his enemies like he had lost or given up, but he knew a greater power was at work and fighting for him. He had the ultimate victory because he knew that his loving father was in control and would reconcile all things in the end.

We can love our enemies because we are loved. We don’t have to fight for ourselves because we are fought for. The ultimate victory is not on this side of life, friends- we will never live in a perfectly just world. That is not the Father’s plan. We may not see the outcome of our faith until the time to come, but here and now we have a responsibility to love our brothers and sisters:

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:34-40

The enemy wants us to give way to fear and hate; but we know a better way. We know the way of love, because it was demonstrated for us in the person of Jesus Christ. And if we follow His example, we may see the change we are longing and hoping for.