Tag: God

thoughts

new hope

alyssapebbles

The end of the year always brings a sense of hopefulness about the year to come…especially after a particularly difficult year. This has been one of those years for me. In fact I could say 2023 has been the hardest year of my life– yet also the most refining and beautiful year in many ways, as I have seen my relationship with Christ grow through suffering and realized my ability to endure through his strength.

Although I’m far from where I want to be, I see how far God has carried me and I am believing that He has good things in store for 2024. We have already been blessed with a new home that we get to move into soon, and I have seen progress in my health journey, although still rocky. There are so many blessings all around me if I just have the eyes to see them, instead of focusing on what I lack.

It can be easy to become cynical, bitter, or fearful after hard things keep happening to you and it feels like you are being constantly pummeled by life. It can feel like the other shoe is always going to drop. It can feel dangerous to hope, because nothing ever seems to work out. Engaging these feelings has been a great temptation this year, and I still dwell in these mentalities more frequently than I’d like to admit.

But God has shown me that there is another way to view the future– through the lens of His love and providence. To trust that He is still good and working, even though life has been hard. That He is taking care of me through the hard things as He always has, and will continue to in the future. So even when the other shoe does drop (and it usually does, doesn’t it?), He will be right there with me. That gives me no excuse to be bitter or fearful anymore.

Although I still hope for fully restored health, I am learning to take it day by day and to celebrate the small victories (such as not being in pain at night!). It’s so easy to see how far I have yet to go, but I know God is asking me to just invite him into the here and now, to be content with what currently is because this is where He is. That He is healing and will heal me in His timing.

I am grateful to put this year behind me but I will carry its lessons into the new year and for the rest of my life. I don’t want to erase it from my memory or pretend it never happened, as painful as it was. I have learned to appreciate the small things so much more because of the suffering I have had to walk through, and God has truly changed my perspective.

While a new year does not magically change our circumstances or make us better versions of ourselves, it does give us a refresh, a restart, in a sense. Just as His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), each new year brings new mercies. We can hold onto fresh hope in who God is and what He is doing. We can believe that this year will be better than the last, that the best truly is yet to come for us who are in Him.

Even if 2024 brings more hardship and pain (which it most likely will), we can rest in the promise that He continues to work in and through us and our circumstances. We can have a fresh perspective on pain and suffering, and begin to truly experience His peace and joy in the midst of it. We don’t have to be afraid because we know He is in control of every situation in our lives and in the world.

Our hope is not found in our circumstances. Our hope is found solely in Him, and because of that, we can rejoice because that means every new year He is with us. We can have hope because we don’t walk into another year alone, but rather with the One who loves us and is making all things new (Revelation 21:5).

So while I still have hope for things to change in 2024, I can rest knowing that even if they don’t, my true hope is secured forever in Him.

thoughts

mind over matter

alyssapebbles

I can change my reality based on how I choose to see it.

The Lord has been reminding me of the power of my mind. What I think about has a massive effect on every aspect of my health and wellbeing:

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…

Proverbs 23:7

As a psychology major, you would think I would always have been aware of that. But through years of chronic illness I had all but forgotten about the power of my mind and my attitude. I convinced myself my negative attitudes were justified given my negative situation, but now I see that was the enemy slowly needling his way into my mind until countless strongholds were built that I am just now beginning to dismantle.

There is a very real spiritual battle for our minds, friends. There is a very real enemy trying to take us out by whispering lies that so easily feel like truths to us. But there is also a very real God who speaks the real Truth, and we can begin to listen to and believe Him.

Maybe it took this much pain for me to see it– there is no place for negativity, bitterness, self-pity, anger, or anxiety in my life if I expect to be well, if I expect to live into the promises of God. I cannot entertain these mindsets for a second longer. It’s a matter of survival.

When life is comfortable and easy, it seems like we can get away easier with these negative mindsets. Surely they make us more miserable than we need to be, but there are no serious implications yet. But when the rubber meets the road and you find yourself going through trials (which all of us eventually will), that same attitude can plunge you into an abyss you just may never come out of. The stakes are excruciatingly high.

I’m learning this the hard way, but learning it nonetheless. If I indulge myself in any amount of anxiety at this point in my life, my physical body immediately responds in pain. I simply cannot entertain anxiety anymore.

And the same is true for self-pity. All these years I’ve felt sorry for myself I have unknowingly dug myself into a pit of despair. The more I allow self-pity to take residence in my mind, the deeper the pit gets and the harder it is to get out. It is the worst prison to be trapped in–the prison of your own mind.

So what can we do? How do we change our mindsets and get out of these toxic, destructive thinking patterns?

The answer is simple and practical: the Gospel. God’s Word.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

1 Peter 1:3-4

Everything we need to flourish is found in the word of God. As I study and meditate more deeply on Scripture, I have found this to be true. For every negative thought that comes to my mind, there is a scripture to combat it. It’s as if He knows every trap we can possibly fall into and has the remedy for each one.

The more I study His word, the more amazed I am at how nourishing it is to my soul. But the only way it can nourish my soul is if I renounce and release the lies that are currently taking up precious space in there. This is repentance– letting go of what is getting in between me and Him. And I’m finding that sadly there is a lot.

But I don’t have to be discouraged, because every day I am getting stronger. The progress is slow but it is happening. I am changing. I am becoming more like Him, as my mind is being renewed (Romans 12:2). And I am so, so grateful.

This change is possible for all of us, but here’s the key: you have to want it. You have to want Him and His ways– not your own. You have to be willing to surrender your engrained ways of thinking and be willing to think differently.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Sometimes we get so comfortable in our negativity that we are afraid of changing. We feel safe and protected by our negative mindsets; they keep us from taking real risks and having real hope, which could inevitably lead to hurt.

But the real danger is remaining stuck in the enemy’s lies. His goal is to steal our joy. We can never become all we were meant to be unless we learn to walk in truth, even when the truth feels completely counter to all we are experiencing.

It takes discipline and a constant returning to the Word if you really want your mind to change. You have to “take every thought captive” and hold it up to the light of scripture, to test if it is true or not (2 Corinthians 10:5). It’s hard work, but it’s worth it to experience the rest and joy of living in deeper intimacy with our Savior.

Changing my mind doesn’t change my circumstances, but it does change my heart. And that is what God is after. As we allow the Holy Spirit to align our minds with His, circumstances may or may not change, but it will no longer matter, because we have Him.

And when we have Him, we are free.

thoughts

when fear lingers

alyssapebbles

As I find myself in yet another season of anxiety, I wonder why I am here again. Why I can’t seem to get a grip on reality and just relax. Why I can’t just trust God in my heart, even though my head knows that He is trustworthy.

My anxiety is twofold as it manifests both physically and mentally, one affecting the other in an endless loop. The most recent fun thing is the chest tightness and pain. Am I having a heart attack? Or is it just the anxiety? All you hypochondriacs out there feel me. It doesn’t help that I have overwhelming health anxiety from my chronic illnesses that already takes up way too much mental space.

I can play these dangerous mind games and be convinced by Google that I am dying, OR I can look hard at my fears and wonder if they are really worth fearing.

We just got back from the trip of my dreams to Ireland– a delayed honeymoon that was supposed to happen during Covid but never did. I honestly didn’t think we would be able to go after having our baby and finances being relatively tight, but the hubby gave us the green light and we got to go to the place I’ve always wanted to visit.

And the whole time, I was anxious. Anxious about the flights, anxious about being away from my baby for so long, anxious about dealing with my health issues in another country…the list goes on and on. I still enjoyed our time there, but underlying the whole trip was a deep-seated dread that still hasn’t fully gone away.

Satan tries to convince me these fears are rational– there is so much to be afraid of, after all. Planes go down, people get terminally ill, tragedies happen all the time. Maybe if I worry enough, everything will be alright. Maybe if I grip the armrests of my plane seat tight enough, the plane will stay in the air. Maybe all this worrying will give me some semblance of control in a world that feels absolutely. out. of. it.

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Matthew 6:27

That’s what fear really is, isn’t it? A desire to be in control. We wouldn’t be fearful or anxious if we didn’t want or need things to be a certain way. If we trusted a good God to handle all the outcomes in our life, there would be no room for anxiety. It simply wouldn’t be able to exist.

I don’t want to say that anxiety is as simple as a lack of faith, but in a sense it is. In a sense, it is a choice. It is the choice to trust in ourselves instead of God. But if we profess to be Christians, we have no reason to fear. Death itself cannot separate us from Him.

Anxiety manifests when our hopes and desires are misaligned. If my hope is in my health, my family, or financial stability, I have every reason to fear because I could lose any of those things in a moment. But if my hope is in Him, I can have true peace regardless of my circumstances.

It still takes my heart a while to catch up to these truths, but the Lord is patient with me. He keeps inviting me to His rest, His peace. He keeps loving me and holding me even as I give into my fears and let them overwhelm me. He won’t give up on me. He knows my weakness, and He asks me to give it all to Him. To let Him transform my mind from fear to faith. From anxiety to peace. From despair to hope.

You can’t talk yourself out of anxiety but you can talk to Him. You can cast all your cares on Him, because He cares deeply for you (1 Peter 5:7). You can tell Him everything on your heart and mind, everything that is burdening and weighing you down, and He will listen. He will hold you and remind you of His love for you. He will give you renewed hope and joy. He will give you peace that surpasses understanding.

This world truly is a fearful place– we should expect it to be. But that doesn’t mean we have to be afraid. Satan only has dominion for now, and only the dominion that God lets him have. This is not the end of the story, friends. We have great hope not only in eternity, but even now.

There is no quick fix for anxiety, but rather a slow re-learning of mind and heart patterns that have been deeply engrained in us over the years. Just as anxiety is a learned thought pattern, we can learn trust. We can begin to train our minds to focus on what God says about us and the world when the anxious thoughts start creeping in. We can reject the thoughts that don’t serve us anymore, and claim God’s truths. Over time those truths will become instinctual– our immediate inner responses to the circumstances in our lives.

We have to be in the Word to do this. We have to memorize His promises so that they are available to us in every moment of fear. And we have to fellowship. We have to be with other believers who will listen and care for us, and remind of us of the truth when we forget– which we will.

It is a lifelong battle, but it is worth it. We are not meant to live in fear.

thoughts

trust in the storm

alyssapebbles

It’s been tempting not to write a post this week because so much happened in the last week that has given me major anxiety, and normally I would allow myself to just rest. But then I remembered how writing for me is rest. Processing my life through words is one of the most restful activities for me. And I’ve also set a goal for myself to post something every Monday, whether or not it’s perfect or “finished” by my own definition, so this is me holding myself accountable at the same time as sharing my life with you.

This past week we moved into our new apartment, the home I have been dreaming of for the past month and half, envisioning our little family budding up within these walls. And the moving process wasn’t even stressful at all like I thought it was going to be eight months pregnant, thanks to the generous aid of Mitch’s and my parents and brother…no, the stress came from a different source.

A musty smell in the living room.

If you’ve read any of my posts about my health, you might know that I have had chronic health issues since living in a mold-infested apartment two years ago. So a musty smell may not be a big deal for someone else, but for me it causes PTSD. And sends me spiraling into paranoia, fear, and anxiety.

I never anticipated having to deal with this again. This was the exact thing I wanted to avoid in the space where not only we are living but going to be raising a baby–a vulnerable, fragile being who definitely requires a non-toxic environment. To be honest, the fear was absolutely paralyzing for the first few days here and I felt my whole inner world crumbling to pieces.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to avoid the things that have caused us immense pain and suffering in the past, they come back to haunt us. What do we do when this happens? How do we respond to these situations–to God?

I think my immediate response is anger and entitlement. I should not have to deal with this again. I have been through so much with my health; this is absolutely unacceptable. But the anger quickly dissipates into fear and I begin to question everything: I’m already so immunocompromised, how will I survive another exposure? How will this affect my baby? How will we ever afford remediation if it comes to that, God forbid it’s so toxic we have to move out and leave all our stuff behind?

The questions of why and how consume me. I’m thrust back into the dark and chaotic mental place where everything is up in the air and I don’t know where the ground is. My anxiety feeds my physical bodily responses, and I become an ultra-hypochondriac, wondering if my symptoms are related to mold in our apartment or if my own deteriorating psychological state is causing them at this point (most likely the latter). I don’t want to be back here, never thought I’d be back here. Especially now of all times, when the stakes feel so high as we are about to start our new family. Why would God allow this to happen again?

But as I am questioning and doubting and fearing, something inside of me is small and still and reassured. Someone is whispering to my soul that it’s all going to be okay. That even if the worst scenario happens and there is toxic mold in our apartment and we have to leave and get rid of all of our stuff–we will be okay. And I know this peace can only come from the Lord, because it is certainly not originating from me.

We will find out if we have mold in our apartment next week, and until then I am choosing to trust God through my fears. He knows what is best for me and my family, and He will take care of us.

Whatever fear and anxieties are consuming you, God knows what you are dealing with. Trust Him in the storm, not only once it’s over. He will come through for you, even if it’s not the way you wanted or planned.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

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qualified (part II)

alyssapebbles

It’s funny how God chooses things for our lives we never planned on. And all of a sudden we are asked to step into roles we never thought we would be stepping into, or at least not at this moment in time.

For me right now, that’s motherhood.

This was not our plan. My husband and I didn’t want kids until years down the road (my husband admittedly a few years more than me). We wanted to have our first blissful honeymoon years of marriage together, just the two of us. We wanted to be financially stable with a dog and a house and a yard before a little screaming baby came along. We had our goals and our visions and our ideas about what this whole thing was supposed to look like.

And then, four months into marriage, I was three days late. And I thought it was no big deal until my little app told me it was time to take a pregnancy test. So first thing on that cool November morning I slipped out of our apartment to run to Safeway and ask an uncomfortable teenager grab me the First Response test out of the locked cabinet.

You can probably imagine how the story goes from there. We were shocked. We didn’t know how to handle the news– we both felt a mixture of devastation and joy (the latter more so for me than him). We had just begun to reach a comfortable rhythm in our new marriage, and now this was going to throw everything off.

We were not ready for a kid. I was not ready for a kid.

We headed up to my husband’s parents house later that morning to do early Thanksgiving with them. We were freaking out. We decided not to tell them yet, since we still couldn’t even really process what was happening. The last time we had seen his parents we told them I was going to start grad school. They asked me questions about grad school and I played along, even though both my husband and I knew this was not an option anymore. Not now.

The weekend was a blur. In fact, the past six months have been a blur. There have been so many painful and joyful moments in the process of growing a baby, but throughout this pregnancy, one lingering question permeates my thoughts: will I be a good mother?

Who am I to raise a child? Who I am to take on this enormous responsibility of raising a human being?

We don’t have the dog yet, so I don’t even know my skills in dog-momming. We skipped straight to what feels like the highest stakes, and while I am assured that God is going to take care of us and we’ll be okay, the doubts can still creep in. And I start to wonder if I’m qualified for this huge responsibility (and blessing) He’s giving me.

What if my health issues get in the way of my mothering? What if I get postpartum depression and can’t take care of him? What if he has emotional or cognitive problems? What if… what if… what if?!

But WHAT IF God is good? What if He is trustworthy and He knows what He is doing? What if what I see as an accident was His perfect plan for my life all along? What if the plan we had concocted for us would not have been nearly as rewarding and fulfilling as His plan for us?

God didn’t ask our permission to give us this child. But He has sustained this baby boy for the past six months in a way that I can only attribute to Him. Despite all the odds against him with my health issues, he has been growing steadily and fearlessly. He truly is a little miracle. If God has taken care of my baby this well so far, I know I have nothing to worry about on the other side of the womb.

No amount of books, parenting classes, or high-end baby products will make me a good mother. I will be a good mother because God has chosen me to be a mother. He qualifies me, and if I cling to Him, He will sustain me throughout motherhood. I know I will have a million and one moments where I have absolutely no idea what to do, but in those moments I know I can rely on Him for help and trust that it’s okay to not know.

Whatever you feel unqualified in– a job, a sport, a relationship– know that if you are in that role, then you are qualified. It is not a mistake. You were given a responsibility and you can either always feel like you’re not good enough and undeserving of it, or you can trust that you are where you are supposed to be and live fully into it. You will not be perfect and you will make many mistakes, but that doesn’t disqualify you.

There will be many times in life we have to step into shoes we don’t feel big enough to fill. And those are the best moments of faith–do we trust God enough to help us fill them? These are the opportunities to learn what we are truly capable of and who we might become. But if we back away out of fear we will never see all that potential come to fruition.

I’m not ready to be a mother, but this baby needs me to be. And there are people in your life who need you to step up in your role, whether or not you feel ready. You will be amazed what God will do when you just say yes.

thoughts

living faith

alyssapebbles

As God brings me into yet another new season of my life with Him (or rather a continuation of what He began in me 5 months ago), I am humbled.

I am in awe of how real and true He really is.

I am in awe of how when we actually trust Him and obey what He is calling us to do, He changes something inside of us, and gives us a strength we never knew we had access to.

A simple and yet impossibly difficult choice to give Him something I so deeply loved and desired has led me to a new place of freedom and hope in Him. He has given me a peace that surpasses understanding and a renewed assurance of His good plan for my life. He has drawn close in sweet intimacy as I have let go of my own will and decided to choose His.

I am free.

I feel a greater purpose, a greater urgency to know Him and to have others know Him. I feel His Spirit pulsating through me and leading me into deeper waters; taking me to places that I haven’t known and are unfamiliar to me- places I wouldn’t have dared to go before now. But He has done something in me to make me more willing, created an even deeper longing and hunger for truth and righteousness in me. Maybe He does this when we finally let go of ourselves. And maybe this is exactly what we’ve always wanted, and we just weren’t able to see it until we decided to trust Him.

I can’t explain His ways, or why He moves the way He does, but I know that the longings He has put in my heart are meant to be fulfilled in Him alone. I know that He is my ultimate satisfaction, my heart’s deepest desire and strongest need. I know that He is bringing me into deeper dependence on Him every hour of every day, and that I cannot spend any time apart from Him anymore. The stakes are too high; living for myself is no longer enough.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

~Matthew 6:13-14

I want to go through the narrow gate- to walk the only path that leads to life. This past year has been a pruning process, but the growth has been unmistakable. I can only move forward with Him, as He will continue to prune me until everything in my life is conformed to His will- every thought, feeling, desire, and action. He is patient with us, and will allow us to go our own way at times to show us that is not the way we really want to go. I now see that His way is the only way.

In my pursuit of holiness, I will not forget His grace and kindness. I will not forget how much He loves me, because without love nothing else matters. He is Love Himself- a consuming fire that will never leave us where we are in His reckless pursuit of our souls. His love is what enables me to walk on the path; I cannot do it on my own. His love is what keeps me.

I am so grateful to learn these things now; to learn what it really means to let Him into every part of my life. He is saving me from so much unnecessary pain down the road, and developing me into a person He can actually use here and now, in the relationships that I have and the communities that I am a part of. He is doing all of this work in me so His light can shine through me and give others Hope. This work that can only be done when we lay down our lives before Him and let Him have His way, no matter what it costs us- and eventually it will cost us everything. We cannot have Him while we are still holding onto ourselves.

For now, I am content to continue giving Him the little things every day; the little rebellious parts of my heart that are still clinging to the world and to myself. I know that every little sacrifice to Him makes Him glad, and every time I posture my heart back to Him I am more free.

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

~Psalm 59:16

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on purpose

alyssapebbles

As Christians, we often think that we are not fulfilling our purpose unless we are out in the world doing something “big.” We narrow the scope of ministry to preaching, teaching the Bible to kids in Africa, or traveling around the world on missions. By elevating this kind of work to be “God’s work,” we are diminishing the every day, ordinary ways God uses His people. We forget that God is not only in one place and in one kind of vocation.

We forget that we can (and indeed are called to) minister right where we are- right where God has placed us. 

In fact, that is exactly where he calls us to His purposes for us.

I feel the resistance in my own heart against the  mundanity of every day life, as though if I’m not doing something glamorous or being recognized for the gifts and talents God has given me, I am somehow not fulfilling my purpose. As though my purpose is really mine at all.

There is a restlessness inside of me that’s screaming to be discovered- I’m all too eager for my “time to shine”- my moments of glory. A sense of invisibility and anonymity has overtaken me, which reveals the unseemly state of my heart- I’m looking for human approval and affirmation instead of God’s.

God sees everything.

There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven

~Ecclesiastes 3:1

He sees the work that I’m doing now- the way I am stewarding what He’s given me. He’s watching to see how I will be faithful to Him in the present. He wants me to bring everything I do before Him:

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

~Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

If God allowed us to do the big things we really want to do right now, we would take God’s kingdom work into our own hands and minister out of a place of self-sufficiency and pride, because of our own immaturity and that desire for human approval. God knows we aren’t ready to step into those things until our hearts are utterly inclined toward Him and Him alone; at the point when we no longer crave man’s applause but are so Gospel-centered that, like Paul, it doesn’t matter to us what people think or what our status is, as long as the truth is told:

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.

~Philippians 3:8-10

Before we can ever do something large-scale like we dream about, we have to go through seasons of preparation and maturity. And those seasons aren’t sexy. They aren’t glamorous. They are messy. They involve deep heart work that can only be accomplished when we come to the end of ourselves and learn to fully depend on God. We don’t come to this place by our own strengths or talents or gifts- we actually usually come here by our failures and weaknesses.

Since moving to Santa Cruz, God has taught me a lot about my main purpose in this world, and it’s not to be in a ministry internship. It’s not even to be a leader in the church, even though that is something He has placed on my heart.

My main purpose is simply to love Him. My purpose is to enjoy Him, and to bring everything I am and everything I do before Him to allow Him to transform me.

And guess what? I can do this in any job. I can do it any place, with any people. His purpose for me is to seek Him daily, and He is available to me everywhere I go. It really makes no difference to Him whether I am in Santa Cruz or somewhere else, part of one church or another. He can accomplish what He wants to in any circumstance I find myself in, as long as I am open and willing to receive Him. If I’m not, then He can’t use me anywhere.

Maybe this season is not about “fulfilling your calling.” Maybe it’s about seeing what He’s placed directly in front of you and finding Him there.

 

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faithful with a little

alyssapebbles

In October of 2016, I wrote about what it means to be a good steward. Here it is if you haven’t read it:

https://alyssapebbles.wordpress.com/2016/10/18/steward/

That word, now tattooed in cursive black ink across my wrist, still holds significant meaning for me, especially during this season of waiting.

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

~Luke 16:10

I, like many people, have a tendency towards short cuts. Skipping steps. Trying to get to Point C without passing through point B. You could call it instant gratification- I want to have arrived. I’m a results girl; all about the finished product.

But our God is a God of process. The One we serve requires great patience, endurance, and sacrifice from us- there is no way around it:

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

~Matthew 7:14

The path is not an easy one, and it requires all of us and all that we have along the way. That’s why it’s critical that we understand the value of stewardship: of being faithful with what we have now, so that we can be trusted with more in the future. If we don’t honor God in little that He has given us, why would He ever dare bless us with more?

What this means is that we have to be present. It means that we have to be thankful for circumstances and resources we have now, even if we don’t feel grateful or things are not ideal (which they never will be, by the way!) It means that how we use our time matters. It means that how we use our money matters:

Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops;

~Proverbs 4:7

Basically, all that we have we must give up to God as an offering. We have to remember the nothing we have is our own, anyway- it’s all from God in the first place, including our very own bodies. When we remember it all belongs to Him, we can move away from selfish ambition and prioritizing self-interest in our lives to being generous. From a place of generosity (with our time, money, talents, listening ears, etc.), God will bless us with more as He sees that we are being faithful. And we will find that the more we have, the more we will want to give away; this is the fruit of abundance and the way that our Father intended for us to live.

God is calling me right now, right where I am, to offer my life as a living sacrifice in all the daily small things. It’s not glamorous and it won’t draw attention from others, but God will see it and it will honor Him. It’s only through daily discipline and obedience in small, seemingly insignificant tasks, that I will become all that God has called me to be. Great leaders have been sanctified from the inside out- they know God intimately in the small details of life and therefore can be trusted by Him to do bigger works.

We all want to be used in big ways by God, but it starts with the small. Show Him you can be trusted with what He’s given you, and more will be added.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

~Matthew 6:33

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alyssapebbles

Starting new things is always fun and exciting and easy- in a sense. The adrenaline that comes from newness can sustain you to a certain point, until the burnout hits hard and reality slaps you in the face. As someone who has big dreams and little follow through, I feel convicted by God in the new place He has put me.

He wants me to invest myself here- in relationships, in the work I do, in how I take care of myself, and in the way I live my life for Him. I can no longer have a divided heart. He wants my full attention.

As I have already been pursued and invested in since coming to this beautiful place, I know He calls me to pursue and invest in others. I know what it is to be served- now I am called to serve. 

We can masquerade behind half-truths and shallow interactions with others, always keeping our distance for fear of getting hurt, or we can allow ourselves to be fully seen and fully known. Yes, that does open the door to potential pain and heartbreak, but it’s so much better than over-protecting your heart until it becomes weak, fragile, and cold.

Deciding to stay here was a risk, a daring step towards the freedom God has for me. I was disobeying Him by running away from this opportunity, because He brought me here to shine His light through me. If I withhold what I have to give, I cannot be given to. Just as we must receive before we can give, we also must give before we can receive. It’s a two-way street.

There is still so much uncertainty and unknowns, and I feel my heart pull away from what can feel like intense exposure, but I know it is better to risk than to hide. I’m tired of hiding and running- it’s exhausting and never worth it.

Wherever you find yourself, no matter how imperfect the circumstances (or the people), be there. Be all in, be present, and allow yourself to bloom where you’re planted. With God, you can always flourish if you will lean in to the community of believers around you and allow yourself to be healed. Instead of waiting for things to be just right, enter into the mess and start living. There is abundant joy and life for us if we will just commit ourselves to Him and the people around us that we are called to minister to.

Don’t let fear and inadequacy ever hold you back. Run the race set before you.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~Hebrews 12:1