I get so lost in groups of people. I can so easily forget who I am and mold into whoever I am with, become what they want me to be.
I have a hard time holding my own- being confident in who God made me to be and being my true self in all situations. I know I’m not alone in this.
God’s put me in a place where I am constantly surrounded by people- I live in a house with people that are part of a larger community where I work, and my job is to be around large groups of people. It can feel really exhausting when I don’t know where I stand with others and am constantly trying to seek my worth in others. People-pleasing is the most tiresome work.
Don’t get me wrong: people are affirming and kind and loving and supportive. So many people have spoken into my life here and I have seen transformation in myself because of it- but people cannot be my only source of affirmation.
First and foremost, I must get that affirmation from God, and God alone. He alone knows me inside and out:
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. ~Psalm 139:1-4
God knows the deep ache in my soul in a way that no one else ever will- He knows all the conflicting feelings and pain and confusing thoughts that run through my head. He knows exactly what I need, even (and especially) when I don’t. People can’t know that.
I’m reading a great book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, two Christians who understand the importance of setting boundaries for ourselves, especially in the church where those boundaries can become so muddled in the name of good Christian servanthood- denying yourself and taking up your cross. They talk about when we need stronger boundaries and when we need to loosen our boundaries. As someone who has problems setting boundaries with others and getting sucked into life-draining situations that I never intended to be in, I am so refreshed to read their words and take ownership of my own life, which God has called me to steward. He allows things into our lives not to defeat us, but to challenge and call us to action, both in His strength and the strength He gives us. I don’t want to be a victim to my circumstances, floating around with no anchor.
People will always have expectations of you, but you cannot let disappointing them stop you from being you. You have to get your worth from God alone- He will tell you who you are and you will be able to rest in Him if you continually go back to Him as your source of worth. He will use people in your life to speak through, but people are fallible and simply human. No one knows what you truly need but Him.
Get quiet and listen to what He’s saying. His words are life.
rhythms of grace 