Month: March 2020

Hearing that this shelter-in-place is going to continue for another month, it is hard not to panic.

Another month of this? It seems unbearable.

Another month of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety. Another month of counting down the days until things go back to “normal.” Another month of waiting and watching.

While a month feels daunting to me, I am reminded of the Israelites, who had to wait years in the desert for deliverance. I am reminded of countless characters in the Bible who waited so much longer than one month for God to show up for them, who amidst agonizing trials and deferred hopes kept the faith. And I am encouraged that if these ordinary people can wait patiently and trustingly, than so can I.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Psalm 27:14

Waiting patiently is not my forte. These long and boredom-filled days force me to analyze how I’m using my time–am I just biding my time until this is all over? There is a difference between actively waiting and passively waiting, and I fear I have been exercising the latter more than the former. Maybe this new deadline is a good thing; with a month ahead of me I have to create new disciplines, routines, and habits to get through it instead of gritting my teeth until it’s over. I have to dive into deeper communion with God, more time with family, projects, and things that I have been putting off in the name of “not having time.” Maybe this new abundance of time is an unexpected blessing for all of us, as we can finally go deeper instead of getting busier.

We don’t have excuses anymore.

If you are privileged as I am to have this ample amount of time and aren’t caring for sick people or scrambling financially, we have an opportunity. We have the opportunity to finally explore ourselves and all of our creative potentials, to learn how God wants us to wait on Him in this time, to sit at His feet and listen to what He is saying to us. We have the opportunity to learn new rhythms of rest and to slow down our over-excited minds and just be. To allow a new appreciation and gratitude to make way, to realize how very blessed we are, and how very good God is. Slowly but surely, we will be refined in the waiting if we do it well.

The news is scary, overwhelming, and changing every day. God remains good, faithful, and constant to his people.

There doesn’t need to be an end date for us to relax; we can trust here and now that He is in control, and use this time of freedom to enjoy His good gifts to the full, joyfully anticipating the hope to come.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith–more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire–may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:6-7

This too shall pass.

That is not a verse in the Bible (as I tried to find it and it is not in there) but it came to mind yesterday and brought me great comfort, as a reminder that even though the world feels so overwhelming right now, this is not forever.

And in fact this is the perfect time to rejoice. We are being refined through the fire, and we will come out stronger.

I am one prone to fear and despair, and this time is certainly tempting me to engage heavily with both, especially as I am unable to be with the one I love right now and feel so limited in options of things to do. I am one who does not do well with an abundance of free time, as the guilt starts creeping in and telling me all the things I should be doing instead of watching TV, and takes a significant toll on my self-worth.

But I am learning to count my blessings. As each day passes by and I am getting used to this new temporary rhythm of life, I am finding joy in the small things:

Sleeping in as much as I want

Laying in the sun with a good book for hours

Ample time in the Word and in prayer

And I remember that while I am here afflicted with boredom and restlessness, there are others who are dying and experiencing pain beyond what I could imagine.

So I wonder if God is using this time to teach me about joy, about trusting Him in the midst of these confusing times, waiting and hoping for deliverance. I think about the joy of reuniting with my love after our time apart, and the similar but larger-scale joy the world will experience in due time once this has passed. What we sow in tears, we will reap in joy, if we will continue to trust Him and not give way to despair.

Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

…and do not give the devil a foothold.

Ephesians 4:27

In the midst of this pandemic and the spreading fear, I find myself swept up in the chaos. I find myself underwater and overwhelmed by all that’s going on in the world and all that’s going on in my own heart.

What am I afraid of? Do I not have my hope in the God of the universe?

But where is He when my fear feels like the most real thing, when my perspective narrows and all I can see is this present darkness?

I am giving the devil a foothold. Fear is his entryway into my heart, and he thrives on it. He creeps in unannounced, slowly entwining his grasp around the things I hold dear, slowly causing me to question and doubt God’s intentions for my life and this world.

He is very convincing, and makes very reasonable arguments. He is the voice in the news, the voice of “logic,” the voice of “self-help.”

But he also attacks and criticizes us, and tells us what we are most afraid to hear, what we are most afraid is true about ourselves. He tells us we are weak. He tells us we will never amount to anything and we will never overcome what is in front of us. He tells us we will never change and we are hopeless. And he does all this so slyly and subtly that we think we are just telling it to ourselves. He convinces us he is not even real.

The enemy is real, and he is on the hunt:

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

What better way to devour us than by getting us all-consumed with ourselves and our fears? By turning our focus inward instead of out, to the promises of God and His faithfulness?

I have a choice: anxiety or trust. When I choose fear, I am inviting the enemy into my life. When I choose trust, I invite God in. It is up to me who I extend the invitation to, and God waits and hopes that I will choose Him. The enemy ultimately has no power unless I give it to him, and God in His goodness has allowed us to make this choice, to choose light instead of darkness, trust instead of fear. It is not a natural choice, as we are so accustomed to our fears. But if we ask for help, the Holy Spirit will aid us in making it.

These past couple weeks when I was mysteriously drained of energy, I learned a hard but important lesson: I cannot take anything for granted in this life. If my health can be taken away at any moment, so can anything else.

Where do I put my hope? Why do I lose my gratitude when things are taken from me?

I’ve realized how spoiled I’ve become- expecting that everything will go my way and if it doesn’t, I have every right to complain. I’ve become so used to all the blessings God has given me that when one is withheld, even for a short period of time, I feel hopeless and lost. My foundation is so shaky. While genuine lamenting is okay and even beneficial to our relationship with God, despairing is not.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4 ESV

It is so hard for me to take this view when things get hard. When my body feels like it is betraying me and my relationships feel strained. When I don’t have the motivation to keep going or even get out of bed in the morning. How can there possibly be joy in these times?

And yet, if I can’t find joy in the hard times, I will never be able to fully appreciate the good times. I will take them for granted, instead of seeing them as they are: gifts from a good Father. If I can’t see that I did nothing to deserve these things, and yet He has freely given them and can take them as he chooses, I am missing the point. If I can’t see that even the hard things are gifts as well, I am lacking in maturity.

I am learning to take nothing for granted: good or bad. Maybe what I deem as bad is what He is using for my ultimate good, and maybe what I deem as good might destroy me. Either I trust my own judgment or His- and I have been wrong too many times to trust my own.

Once we learn to accept everything as a gift, we are free. We no longer need our life to be a certain way to be content, just as Paul learned to be content in any circumstance. We can trust that He truly is working things together for our good, even if it hurts in the temporary.