How do we keep going when reality gets really, really hard? When life is not as we hoped it would be, and we feel a profound sense of disappointment and disillusionment?
When our hopes and dreams feel so far away, and we are just trying to make it through each day with a fragment of our sanity in tact, merely surviving?
I have heard it said that sometimes God gives us the thing we want the most in order to show us that it won’t fulfill us. That He alone is our source of ultimate fulfillment- it cannot come from anything or anyone else. How true I find this to be now. Perhaps more disappointing than not receiving what you want is receiving what you want and realizing that it cannot completely satisfy your deepest longings. But perhaps this heartbreak is the kind of pain that leads us to face the reality of our condition and chase after true satisfaction.
Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
John 4:13-14 ESV
God is revealing the selfishness of my heart. Marriage truly is a mirror and we have the choice to hide from our ugliest parts or embrace change. And maybe one of the ugliest things about us is our idols- the expectations we hold onto and hope we put into things that can only inevitably lead to disappointment, because our priorities are in the wrong place.
As a four on the enneagram, I have a very vivid imagination and idealized vision of my life. Rarely does reality measure up. And thus I am continually disappointed and discouraged.
But maybe if I started to see the beauty in the reality that God has given me (and it is indeed a very good reality), my hopes and dreams would begin to change. If the starting foundation is not reality, there is nowhere to grow from, but if I start with what I’ve been given, I have the opportunity to grow. And perhaps if I allow Him to, God will surprise me with fulfillment that comes when I’m not looking for it. As I embrace the goodness of the here and now and approach it with gratitude, everything else will be an added gift.
The only way to move forward in life is to accept reality. And if we are willing to work with God, He can change our perspective and give us realistic dreams and expectations, instead of ones that never can and (arguably) never should be met, because they are rooted in selfishness. God wants to give us dreams that are bigger than and beyond ourselves, dreams that only grow brighter and stronger the more the setbacks. Dreams that last–dreams that have to do with bringing His kingdom to earth. And He will help us achieve those.
Disillusionment is part of the process of refining us to know what we truly want. Until we die to our idols, we are stuck in an unhealthy cycle of self-serving desires. The more we can align our expectations with God’s reality, the less we will be disappointed and the more fulfilled and motivated we will be to continue enduring.
God gifted me as a dreamer and an idealist, but those qualities can be my biggest downfalls if I do not steward them well, and end up hurting the people around me and myself. Instead he wants me to channel that creative energy into my current circumstances and build on the good foundation that is already in place.
rhythms of grace 