Tag: freedom

thoughts

mind over matter

alyssapebbles

I can change my reality based on how I choose to see it.

The Lord has been reminding me of the power of my mind. What I think about has a massive effect on every aspect of my health and wellbeing:

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…

Proverbs 23:7

As a psychology major, you would think I would always have been aware of that. But through years of chronic illness I had all but forgotten about the power of my mind and my attitude. I convinced myself my negative attitudes were justified given my negative situation, but now I see that was the enemy slowly needling his way into my mind until countless strongholds were built that I am just now beginning to dismantle.

There is a very real spiritual battle for our minds, friends. There is a very real enemy trying to take us out by whispering lies that so easily feel like truths to us. But there is also a very real God who speaks the real Truth, and we can begin to listen to and believe Him.

Maybe it took this much pain for me to see it– there is no place for negativity, bitterness, self-pity, anger, or anxiety in my life if I expect to be well, if I expect to live into the promises of God. I cannot entertain these mindsets for a second longer. It’s a matter of survival.

When life is comfortable and easy, it seems like we can get away easier with these negative mindsets. Surely they make us more miserable than we need to be, but there are no serious implications yet. But when the rubber meets the road and you find yourself going through trials (which all of us eventually will), that same attitude can plunge you into an abyss you just may never come out of. The stakes are excruciatingly high.

I’m learning this the hard way, but learning it nonetheless. If I indulge myself in any amount of anxiety at this point in my life, my physical body immediately responds in pain. I simply cannot entertain anxiety anymore.

And the same is true for self-pity. All these years I’ve felt sorry for myself I have unknowingly dug myself into a pit of despair. The more I allow self-pity to take residence in my mind, the deeper the pit gets and the harder it is to get out. It is the worst prison to be trapped in–the prison of your own mind.

So what can we do? How do we change our mindsets and get out of these toxic, destructive thinking patterns?

The answer is simple and practical: the Gospel. God’s Word.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

1 Peter 1:3-4

Everything we need to flourish is found in the word of God. As I study and meditate more deeply on Scripture, I have found this to be true. For every negative thought that comes to my mind, there is a scripture to combat it. It’s as if He knows every trap we can possibly fall into and has the remedy for each one.

The more I study His word, the more amazed I am at how nourishing it is to my soul. But the only way it can nourish my soul is if I renounce and release the lies that are currently taking up precious space in there. This is repentance– letting go of what is getting in between me and Him. And I’m finding that sadly there is a lot.

But I don’t have to be discouraged, because every day I am getting stronger. The progress is slow but it is happening. I am changing. I am becoming more like Him, as my mind is being renewed (Romans 12:2). And I am so, so grateful.

This change is possible for all of us, but here’s the key: you have to want it. You have to want Him and His ways– not your own. You have to be willing to surrender your engrained ways of thinking and be willing to think differently.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Sometimes we get so comfortable in our negativity that we are afraid of changing. We feel safe and protected by our negative mindsets; they keep us from taking real risks and having real hope, which could inevitably lead to hurt.

But the real danger is remaining stuck in the enemy’s lies. His goal is to steal our joy. We can never become all we were meant to be unless we learn to walk in truth, even when the truth feels completely counter to all we are experiencing.

It takes discipline and a constant returning to the Word if you really want your mind to change. You have to “take every thought captive” and hold it up to the light of scripture, to test if it is true or not (2 Corinthians 10:5). It’s hard work, but it’s worth it to experience the rest and joy of living in deeper intimacy with our Savior.

Changing my mind doesn’t change my circumstances, but it does change my heart. And that is what God is after. As we allow the Holy Spirit to align our minds with His, circumstances may or may not change, but it will no longer matter, because we have Him.

And when we have Him, we are free.

thoughts

lacking nothing

alyssapebbles

Why is it so hard to find contentment, to be fully present in my current reality with nothing but gratitude in my heart?

Why, when God has given me everything and more, do I still long for something else, for what’s next? As if He is withholding something from me, as if I am not yet complete in Him in this very moment?

No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

Psalm 84:11

I suppose it’s our miserable human condition– to always want more. To overlook everything good and perfect and right and see only what is lacking. To live in scarcity instead of abundance.

A year ago I couldn’t have fathomed the blessings that God has poured out on me. How generous and loving He’s been, how perfect His timing has been in my life. And yet, instead of appreciating those blessings and the Blesser Himself, I am focusing on what I still lack or what else I want– like a spoiled child.

Maybe the things of this world were never meant to satisfy us like He can. Maybe in all our searching and seeking and hoping for certain outcomes, we are turning away from the One who has already given us the best outcome of all.

I don’t want to live in this self-created hell of misplaced desire anymore. Desire for money, for a forever home, for perfect health. My desires enslave me; they hold me captive. I wake in the morning and think not of God but rather scheme about how I can obtain them. How did I fall so far?

But He understands. He doesn’t condemn. He created me– he knows I’m broken, that I can never love and desire Him as He deserves to be loved and desired. And He urges me to come home, to make Him my one true desire. He reminds me that He will take care of everything I want and need when I seek Him first.

And He wants to transform my desires. To help me see that the things I desire aren’t even worth desiring at all– in the end all is in Him. These temporary, worldly pleasures will not last. Health will not last. A job will not last. A home will not last. When I seek after these things and make them idols in my heart, I am replacing the One who can fulfill me with things that will never fully satisfy.

I want to be one who is so engulfed in her relationship with Christ that I can’t even see or think of anything else. To be so fully absorbed by Him that all my cares and worries, desires and temptations, hopes and dreams just melt away and I am completely content. Completely free to let Him bend me to His will and desires for me.

I don’t need to seek after my own gain anymore– there is One who has already given me everything.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33
thoughts

living faith

alyssapebbles

As God brings me into yet another new season of my life with Him (or rather a continuation of what He began in me 5 months ago), I am humbled.

I am in awe of how real and true He really is.

I am in awe of how when we actually trust Him and obey what He is calling us to do, He changes something inside of us, and gives us a strength we never knew we had access to.

A simple and yet impossibly difficult choice to give Him something I so deeply loved and desired has led me to a new place of freedom and hope in Him. He has given me a peace that surpasses understanding and a renewed assurance of His good plan for my life. He has drawn close in sweet intimacy as I have let go of my own will and decided to choose His.

I am free.

I feel a greater purpose, a greater urgency to know Him and to have others know Him. I feel His Spirit pulsating through me and leading me into deeper waters; taking me to places that I haven’t known and are unfamiliar to me- places I wouldn’t have dared to go before now. But He has done something in me to make me more willing, created an even deeper longing and hunger for truth and righteousness in me. Maybe He does this when we finally let go of ourselves. And maybe this is exactly what we’ve always wanted, and we just weren’t able to see it until we decided to trust Him.

I can’t explain His ways, or why He moves the way He does, but I know that the longings He has put in my heart are meant to be fulfilled in Him alone. I know that He is my ultimate satisfaction, my heart’s deepest desire and strongest need. I know that He is bringing me into deeper dependence on Him every hour of every day, and that I cannot spend any time apart from Him anymore. The stakes are too high; living for myself is no longer enough.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

~Matthew 6:13-14

I want to go through the narrow gate- to walk the only path that leads to life. This past year has been a pruning process, but the growth has been unmistakable. I can only move forward with Him, as He will continue to prune me until everything in my life is conformed to His will- every thought, feeling, desire, and action. He is patient with us, and will allow us to go our own way at times to show us that is not the way we really want to go. I now see that His way is the only way.

In my pursuit of holiness, I will not forget His grace and kindness. I will not forget how much He loves me, because without love nothing else matters. He is Love Himself- a consuming fire that will never leave us where we are in His reckless pursuit of our souls. His love is what enables me to walk on the path; I cannot do it on my own. His love is what keeps me.

I am so grateful to learn these things now; to learn what it really means to let Him into every part of my life. He is saving me from so much unnecessary pain down the road, and developing me into a person He can actually use here and now, in the relationships that I have and the communities that I am a part of. He is doing all of this work in me so His light can shine through me and give others Hope. This work that can only be done when we lay down our lives before Him and let Him have His way, no matter what it costs us- and eventually it will cost us everything. We cannot have Him while we are still holding onto ourselves.

For now, I am content to continue giving Him the little things every day; the little rebellious parts of my heart that are still clinging to the world and to myself. I know that every little sacrifice to Him makes Him glad, and every time I posture my heart back to Him I am more free.

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

~Psalm 59:16

Uncategorized

choice II

alyssapebbles

In October I wrote about a choice we all have to make at some point in our lives when things get hard:

choice

I find myself in that place again; the place where I feel stuck and stagnant in my circumstances and my thinking, and I can either continue in bitterness and resentment, which is the most natural and fleshly inclination,  or I can choose to go forward in a different way:

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.

~Philippians 2:14

I so quickly fall out of a mindset of gratitude when the climate around me isn’t just as I’d like it to be. When things aren’t going my way I become a spoiled child- I throw temper tantrums in my heart and lash out with my thoughts and tongue. My vision becomes narrow and self-focused; self-pity overtakes me and I’m zeroed in on everything that’s wrong.

It’s black-and-white thinking, and it’s a spiraling downward cycle.

But Christ gives us His mind, if we’ll ask for it:

For, “Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.

~1 Corinthians 2:16

In fact, Paul says we already have it. Our minds are so important, and it’s imperative that we protect and guard them from the evil one, who is constantly trying to sabotage our thinking. God knows this, which is why He wants us to have His mind, and think His thoughts:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

~Philippians 4:8-9

The best way to guard our minds is to not even entertain negative thoughts, but to focus on the eternal. To focus on Christ and what He is doing through each situation we come across, instead of how that situation makes us feel. And the second piece of that is the action we take- putting it into practice. That’s where the choice comes in; when we decide what kind of thoughts we will engage and which ones we will not give attention to. Sometimes we like to indulge our negative, self-pitying, resentful thoughts because that feels better in the moment. It feels better to allow ourselves to sulk instead of taking responsibility for our own minds.

These negative patterns of thinking go way back, and the more we have indulged them in the past, the harder it will be to find freedom from them now. But it is not impossible, because He helps us when He sees that we are willing and want to be free. 

It takes intention and effort. It requires that we shift our focus the second we start to catch ourselves going down that path, and remember the truth about ourselves, others, and our God. This kind of intentionality requires effort and active participation- Christ will be faithful to change our hearts when we ask Him but we must be willing to lay down the thoughts and feelings that we allow to hold us captive.

My prayer is that I can see my circumstances with fresh hope and joy- to find Him in the midst of the moments that I dread. To recognize that He is already here and now is the best time of my life; a time to grow and mature in even deeper ways, to grow closer to Him than ever before through the difficulties.

 

Peurto Rico 2018

intermission

alyssapebbles

This island getaway comes at a timely point in my life, and gives me ample time to think and process through the current circumstances of my life… to hear what He wants to tell me if I’ll listen.

What a precious gift…this life. That we are loved by our Maker and that He so carefully and intentionally crafted us to be just as we are. That He enjoys what He has created and even delights in it- He delights in us.

It’s hard to be in a place as beautiful as this without noticing that I’m being noticed. That I’m valuable to Him not because I ever did anything right, but because I was formed by His hands. Can’t we trust in that; isn’t that the surest and most solid foundation to rest in?

He teaches me to rest and to play. These are the things we have to learn after a lifetime of being told (explicitly and implicitly) our value is in what we do. We don’t know how to be.

So here I am, being me, without anything but His arms to hold me up.

 

Uncategorized

dying to live

alyssapebbles

In the world, life precedes death- but in the Kingdom, just the opposite is true.

After death, there is resurrection. This is what we base our hope on as followers. Death to ourselves and our sins, so that we may find our lives in Him:

If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you’ll lose it, but if you let that life go, you’ll get life on God’s terms.

~Luke 17:33 MSG

This is perhaps the most excruciating, yet liberating part of following Christ: we must die to ourselves and surrender it all to Him. I think of all the little daily things I am not willing to surrender, let alone the big things. But He wants it all- He wants all of us.

In the Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer describes this process at length:

For this God-above-all position is one not easy to take. The mind may approve it while not having the consent of the will to put it into effect. While the imagination races ahead to honor God, the will may lag behind and the man never guess how divided his heart is. The whole man must make the decision before the heart can know any real satisfaction. God wants us all, and He will not rest till He gets us all. No part of the man will do.

This process is a painful one, to be completely honest. When we were new believers, just starting to get to know Christ, it seemed easier- He wasn’t yet dealing with our deeper sins and heart postures, but rather just drawing us close to Himself. He wooed and enchanted us with His grace and mercy, with the beauty of His creation, and the new and fulfilling Christ-centered relationships we made within the body. We were “on fire” for God; the passion was ablaze, and we were ready to completely submit and surrender our lives to whatever His will may be for us. After living for so long without Him, following Him was a fresh, cool drink of water.

But then He calls us deeper.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

~Psalm 47:2

He begins to ask us to do harder things, to give up more than we ever thought He would ask of us. The process of maturity is initiated. We can no longer live the way we once did before we began following Him. We aren’t fulfilled by the same things, aren’t satisfied or comforted by the things we once were. We find that we have to keep going back to Him, abiding in Him constantly, or we seem to fall apart. The stakes are higher- we feel like there is more to lose by turning away. We become more aware of our own sin and the ways we fall short, more desperate for Jesus to cleanse us and make us new. We are tempted to despair of our own brokenness, but He offers us a different way.

He brings us to the brink of ourselves, so that we realize how dead we are without Him.

And then, only then, can we take up our cross. After the flesh has been starved, the Spirit can be fed. We begin our new lives in Him, completely rid of ourselves.

This takes discipline and practice. It takes courage and commitment, patience and grace. He calls us to our highest selves- holds us to the highest standard. He is a consuming fire and the closer we get, the more our old selves will burn away. He refines us and shapes us to be like Him, to become righteous in his sight.

This is what we sign up for when we decide to follow Him. It’s not the easy life- He doesn’t always take away our troubles and give us comfort; in fact, that is rarely His way. Rather, through testing and trials He teaches us obedience, and as we learn to obey Him more and more because we know He has our very best in mind, we will find life to the full. Just when you think it is the end, it is actually the beginning of something new and beautiful.

We no longer have to fear death, because Life always emerges out of the ashes.

Uncategorized

possibility

alyssapebbles

With the new year just ahead of us, the potential for new beginnings are fresh on all of our minds and hearts. We love the idea of possibility– the notion that anything can happen. It is a liberating feeling, and yet, at the same time, it is just that- a feeling.

As someone who constantly looks to new things, new opportunities, to fulfill me in ways that only God can, the new year brings me a different sort of hope. It brings me a hope for the possibility of healing, the possibility of reconciliation and forgiveness. The possibility of growing closer to God than I ever have before, and trusting Him to direct my life in radical ways.

The new year, for me, is about a new beginning with God. It is about letting go of my old self and embracing the new creation that I am in Him. Sure, He started the process long ago, but I know in this new year He will continue it in a new way. 

He is always showing up in new ways:

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

~Isaiah 43:19

We become stagnant in our faith when we forget that what He offers us is never the same, that it is so much more exciting than we ever dared dream. We become stagnant when we aren’t ready to say yes to Him in bigger ways- not when we become bored with our faith. Stagnation is a failure to risk more for His sake. If we are not swimming upstream with Him, we will only make backwards progress.

When we become comfortable in our lives and don’t see a need to change, there is a problem. Walking with Jesus is a dynamic, ever-changing experience and the further we go with Him, the more we realize how much farther we have to go. We see the possibility of all we can become in Him, and that fills us with joy and determination to press on:

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

~Philippians 3:14-16 The Message

He is our inspiration- our Muse for all of our future endeavors. We know that with Him, anything IS possible, but only with Him. Not on our own terms.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

~Philippians 4:13

This new year does hold more possibility for me than I have ever known. But I know that if I cling to that possibility instead of to Christ, the road will lead nowhere. However, if I allow Him to be a part of my hopes and dreams and invite Him into all that comes next, there is no way I will fail.

Put your hope in Christ, for with Him all things are possible.

Uncategorized

trust revisited

alyssapebbles

In January I wrote on the subject of trust, and after re-reading that post I am inspired and similarly challenged today. Trust is so central to our faith that we must constantly strengthen ourselves by trusting Him.

In case you haven’t read it, here it is:

https://alyssapebbles.wordpress.com/2017/01/29/trust/

This verse, written on a piece of paper stuck on my mentor’s refrigerator, has captured me in this uncertain season of life:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve not known such a season of testing my trust as this; my whole life had been planned out thoroughly up to this point. I realize this is an incredible time of surrender- to really and truly allow Him to dictate my forward motion and guide me into the rest of my life in ways that I haven’t allowed Him to before. I’m so grateful I don’t have to have it all figured out. It seems He’s put me in this spot to reveal truths about His character that I never would have discovered otherwise, had things worked out the way I had planned. In the uncertainty and unknowing, He is there.

I love the way Eugene Peterson writes these Proverbs in The Message:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

Run to God! Run from evil!

I’m also reminded of this verse:

In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps.

~Proverbs 16:9

I am so grateful to have a Father who knows what He is doing, but He does have one stipulation: that we be wholeheartedly devoted to Him and no one or nothing else. As someone who likes to keep her options open and is easily thrown from one thing to another out of fear of commitment and consequences for actions, I am convicted by these verses in James:

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

~James 1:6-8

It’s never Jesus and. It’s only Jesus. It’s easy to be enticed by shiny, new things- new ideas, goals, careers, friends, churches, material things, especially during a season of possibility, where anything can happen. But we must remain focused on Him, and bring every decision and choice into the light of His word. If we are “double-minded” and can’t commit to something for fear of missing out on something else, we will end up with nothing. You can’t be a “lukewarm” Christian- that is not being a Christian at all.

In a Bethel sermon I recently listened to, Kris Vallotton talked about creating an “ecosystem” of Christ in us, so that we are not so easily conformed to whatever environment we happen to be in, molding ourselves to situations instead of allowing Christ to mold us through our situations and circumstances. He touches on a Scripture which I also frequently go back to:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

~Romans 12:2

His way is a straight and narrow path, and only few enter it (Matthew 7:14). We have to seek first His kingdom, and then everything else will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). As long as I am consistently nourishing myself with His word and His truth and trusting Him with my fears, joys, and pains, regularly letting Him transform me from the inside, I cannot make a wrong decision. The only wrong decision is to let fear paralyze us and lead us astray, stopping us from stepping into His story. Stagnation is the opposite of growth- and the enemy to our faith. He will use whatever decisions we make, as my mentor so adequately put, as long as we are committed to Him in our decisions and not wishy-washy…and then even if we aren’t! Even if we feel like we’ve made too many mistakes or missed the boat, it is never too late to begin anew, trusting Him completely going forward. He will wash away the sins of our past if we come to Him, and help us to live transformed lives.

This is a scary ordeal. This requires faith. This requires trust. This requires letting go of control and facing the truth about ourselves (as despicable as it may sometimes be), allowing God’s consuming fire to burn away all that is displeasing to Him to become more of who we were created to be.

And in that is freedom.