beauty – rhythms of grace

I didn’t post last week because craziness of the best (but still overwhelming) kind ensued.

Long story short, God made beauty out of the ashes of our situation. He turned lemons into lemonade, as He tends to do. He always makes a way.

We were offered a nicer, cleaner apartment within our complex that gets afternoon sun, is in a quieter spot, and has an in-unit washer dryer: three BIG wins in my book. Best of all, there is no musty smell. They immediately put our previous apartment back on the market and I am praying that the next occupants don’t get sick. But I am so, so incredibly grateful to have a safe space for our baby that we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford had there not been mold in the last one.

I knew God was going to come through for us, and it’s amazing to see Him yet again provide for our every need. There is still so much to do before our sweet boy comes, but I finally feel able to settle and nest in our new space. I can finally breathe (both literally and figuratively).

This whole situation has reinforced to me that no matter what, we will be taken care of. As friends and family have gathered around us to support us in this time, I feel overwhelmed by His love and how little I can actually do on my own. And I have a feeling this will be a common theme of my upcoming motherhood…

Dependence.

Perhaps as I take on more responsibility than I feel ready to handle as a new mom, God is asking me to give the weight of it to Him. Maybe instead of feeling weighed down by burdens and heaviness, He wants me to be lighter.

My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

My life verse. The words that bring my weary soul to rest–words to live by and remember always, especially in the throes of tumult and chaos (which is seeming to be everyday life…)

Adulting is hard enough; I can only imagine what it will be like to be a parent. I still don’t know how to change a diaper and our stroller has not even been taken out of its box yet. I will be far from a perfect mom. But I can’t wait to watch God show up in the middle of it all. I can’t wait to see Him provide again and again, as my faith deepens and grows. This process of surrender is not easy or quick, but rather a lifetime of learning to trust against all our natural and self-protective instincts. It’s a process of letting go of our expectations of what our lives should look like, and instead letting them be what they are: messy, scary, joyful, and everything in between.

This process of surrender is not easy or quick, but rather a lifetime of learning to trust against all our natural and self-protective instincts.

As one trial gets resolved, I know there will be many more to come–but I’m not afraid. Jesus goes before me and has already made the way; I’m only expected to trust and follow. He will continue to bring beauty where I only see ashes, order where I only see chaos. He is working behind the scenes and I don’t have to worry about what my veiled human eyes can see and frail human heart can comprehend. I rest assured of this.