Month: July 2017

Abundance is one of my favorite “spiritual” words, because it doesn’t simply mean abundance in the worldly sense of having more than enough; it refers to the abundant life God offers us: a life far beyond our wildest imagination and craziest dreams. He wants to give us His whole heart in exchange for our weak and petty visions of our life. He never wants us to settle.

We can turn into zombies of Christ if we’re not careful- saying the right things, doing the right things…but the life in us is gone. The excitement we once had for Jesus’ radical hold on us has been exchanged for resentment and half-hearted devotion. Once the life is gone, what’s the point? Then I am taken back to those horrible, awful feelings of never being enough. I can try, try, try, but nothing I do will ever be good enough, nothing I am will ever be good enough. This is the mindset of scarcity, and scarcity is a scary thing, as I learned from one of my favorite authors- the great Brené Brown. In a mindset of scarcity, we are constantly looking to others to compare ourselves to, to see how we measure up. We don’t believe we have value unless we are better than; so naturally, we find many sources which tell us we are nothing. Just check out your Facebook feed and see how you feel after seeing picture after picture of pretty people living pretty lives. What you don’t see is the not-so-pretty parts of their days- when they first get up in the morning, when they get in a fight with their boyfriend, when their dog throws up all over the carpet…you get the picture. We have an image of the people around us that is based on what we want to see, what the world wants to see, instead of what actually is. Basing our self-worth on what others around us think we should be is fickle and frail, and based on lies.

Instead we have to look to God for our identity and security; it comes from Christ and Christ alone, and if we look to Him, we find that He has actually placed within us more than enough to live the life He has called us to. We may not think we are pretty, smart, kind, tough, ____________ enough, but He made us just as we are and can use us just. as. we. are. And He delights in us- He sees us as absolutely beautiful creations. If only we could believe that about ourselves, and about each other!

This is a lesson I have to learn over and over again and each time it is gloriously refreshing. There is nothing better than remembering that I am loved beyond what I could ever hope for or imagine not despite of, but because of, my flaws–that those are what God uses to speak to others through me.

I’ve had enough of not enough. It’s an illusion and the truth is that there’s enough for everyone, for all of us. We all have something to contribute, and my contribution is no less than anyone’s else’s. There is simply no comparison. The Lord made us all equal in His image, so comparing two different people is like comparing apples to oranges.

In my Communications class we talked about how power is granted, not inherent. This couldn’t be more true- I can either give others power over my life to implicitly or explicitly tell me if I’m enough, or I can give the power back to God (who, by the way, already has all the power) and believe what He says about me. Because He will never say differently, no matter how many times I stumble. I will always be His beloved, precious, daughter. And I always have the choice to see through the lens of abundance- to see all He has given me and done for me in the past, and to be grateful for what He is doing now.

God wants us to enjoy our life on earth to the full- not wait until we are disciplined enough or have our act together. He gives us abundance now. It’s just a matter of whether we see it or not.

Tonight I received a fresh insight from God as I worshipped at my church. I became aware that for so long I have lived my life as an outsider, used to being on the sidelines looking in, never quite at the center of the action or with the “in” crowd.

I have become so used to being lonely that I forget I even am.

I had built my identity around my differences- what made me unique, special, and different than everyone else. But focusing on differences can lead to isolation, and I’ve been down that road way too many times. We start to get comfortable with it, start to believe this is how it always will be–I will never be good enough for God to use me; I will never be on the “inside.”

And that is comfortable and safe for some of us.

Living into who we are called to be is so scary. It requires we shift our whole thinking about ourselves, it requires that we walk in victory.

“Every God-begotten person conquers the world’s ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world’s ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.” ~1 John 5:4-5 MSG

What scares me even more than being different is being the same. I think we sometimes take on these rebellious ways because we don’t want to adhere to the status quo; we want to be our own unique person, like no other. And God created us that way. He chose each one of us specifically to do the specific work that He calls us to. We are all parts of a body, and no two of us is the same.

And finally, God wants us to be united in heart and mind. We cannot be united if we are constantly pointing out our differences, or if we believe we don’t have what it takes to be in the “inner circle” of God’s kingdom. God calls us to confidence and a life without insecurity. He didn’t make you to be on the outside looking in; once you have given your life over to Jesus, life eternal is yours- you share in the victory!

It’s not that we earned our way to the inside or deserve it. It is a gift we have received- but that’s the thing…we have to actually receive it! And receiving something we don’t deserve is so hard. But as long as we don’t, we remain victims of own self-pity and the world around us.

Groucho Marx said these famous words:

“I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”

I don’t know about you but I thoroughly resonate with that. I want to be part of Christ’s club, but I don’t want to bring myself and all of my inadequacy into it. I want to be a new self, and I want to stop worrying so much about that self so I can focus on Him.

The Good News is that that is exactly the club we are invited into: one where we bring our sorry selves but come out changed and new, free to live the lives we were called to live, without fear or self-consciousness but in full assurance and confidence of whom we belong to.

There are certainly times in our lives when we don’t feel connected to God- detached from our faith and unexcited about spiritual disciplines we were once so eager to participate in. I find that this typically happens during periods of my life (such as now) when things are generally going well and there is seemingly nothing to either praise God for or complain to Him about. This can be a very dangerous time if we aren’t careful.

As I count down the days before I get out of here and move onto my “new and exciting” life, I find myself falling into that trap of stagnation. Again, I am in the in-between phase, where nothing new is happening and I have a good amount of spare time. I don’t rely and depend on Him because I feel self-sufficient and in a sense, needless.

Yeah, right.

I know when I plunge into the next season of my life, my heart will need to be prepared, and God is using this season of my life for that preparation period. If I become complacent and close my heart off to what He has for me in this time, I will not be ready for what’s ahead. The next season of my life isn’t going to change me- the time is now. He is working and guiding and leading me now. Now more than ever, I must continue to abide in Him and be constant in prayer.

Sometimes the world looks so good, and I fear that I may want it and all the pleasures that come with it more than I want Him. But I know that the world will never satisfy my deepest desires but always leave me aching and longing. So while I enjoy those pleasures now (and certainly God blesses us with easier and more restful seasons in our lives), I don’t want to become reliant on them. I want to rely on God and God alone.

I am grateful to have this time and I will continue to try to be present while I’m still in Seattle, all the while looking joyfully and expectantly to what awaits me in the fall. He is trustworthy and He will sustain me.

“Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.” ~Proverbs 8:34

One C leads to another. Our society is geared around consumerism: I can have what I want right when I want it whenever I want it. Instant gratification: I want it NOW. Hungry? Grab some McDonald’s. Anxious? Watch a funny TV show on Netflix. Bored? Do just about anything you want, granted you have the money. We are slaves to our desires.

I grew up with this. It’s what I know so well. And it’s why I can see how damaging it is- the damage it’s done in my life and the damage it’s doing in all our lives.

I would rather check Facebook first thing in the morning than open God’s word. I would rather spend too much on some trendy health food than cook a meal at home. I would rather do just about anything but practice the spiritual disciplines I need to in order to abide in Him. Because it’s all just so much easier.

“Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.” ~ Grandmother Willow, Pocahontas

I think the worship of comfort is one of my biggest downfalls, and I know I’m not alone. I grew up very comfortable, and in fact quite entitled to that comfort. Hard work was not something I was too familiar with and the repercussions show themselves over and over. Without work and effort, nothing good or fruitful can be produced. We keep trying to take shortcuts, but they are shortcuts to nowhere.

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? 17 So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead… You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone.” ~James 2:14-24 ESV

Sometimes we fall prey to the Grace-license script: God forgives me for everything I do so therefore I can do whatever I want and His grace will always cover me.

I mean, yes, it’s true… but God never wants us to stay where we are. When we choose comfort and worldly goods over His kingdom, we are choosing the far lesser of the two; in fact there is not even a comparison. We are choosing mud instead of diamonds and rubies. But we do it all the time and expect some long-term satisfaction that worldly comforts can never give us.

Sometimes God calls us to be uncomfortable. Sometimes He calls us to take a risk. As the pastor at my church adequately put it tonight: Sometimes His will doesn’t align with our desires. And we have a choice to obey or rebel.

I don’t want to rebel anymore, because nothing I do apart from Him produces fruit in my life. The shortcuts leave me feeling unfulfilled and empty. I’m ready to take the long and winding road.