Author: alyssapebbles

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do you trust Me?

alyssapebbles

As I delve into the pages of Hannah Hurnard’s Hind’s Feet on High Places, my restless and longing spirit so adamantly identifies with Much-Afraid.

I am much afraid. Afraid of where God wants to take me, how deep He wants to take me into Himself. I am just a clunky little human like Much-Afraid; unsure of her footing and paralyzed by the seemingly daunting future awaiting me. I am crooked inside and out- surely I cannot claim the promises He has made to me of giving me a hope and a future. Those promises must have been for someone unblemished and pure, the person I could have been if I were stronger, more capable, kinder, better…etc. In my current state I am weak and trembling.

I am unworthy.

Yet page by page, and day by day in my own life, I am realizing that just as it is not up to Much-Afraid to get to the High Places on her own, it is not up to me or my adequecies to carve out the path of my own journey. As I come up against wall after wall in my own planning and determined will to find the right path, He keeps quietly asking me this question:

“Do you trust Me?”

He whispers it over and over again, inviting me to completely abandon myself to His way for me.

But won’t that mean I have to give up everything? Everything I want, everything I have, everything I am?  I ask Him in return. And I already know the answer, just as Much-Afraid can’t help but continue to obey and follow Him in the face of her own worst nightmares.

It’s too late. I am already His, and there is no going back to easier paths:

There is no question of your turning back, Much-Afraid. No one, not even your own shrinking heart, can pluck you out of my hand. Don’t you remember what I told you before? ‘This play is not unto death but for the glory of God.’

God has brought me to a standstill to show me that the way forward is not up, but down. To go lower. To go deeper. To humble myself even more before Him. And these ways are not natural; I cannot even bring myself to the precipice of them, but just as Much-Afraid allows her companions to be Sorrow and Suffering, so must I humbly accept the companions God gives me along the way- the friends and family who surround me and remind me of His love and the steep and narrow path I must follow to develop my hinds’ feet. And too, like Much-Afraid, my enemies Pride, Self-Pity, and Bitterness lurk in the shadows, ready to devour me at every corner when my guard is lowered and I believe for a second that there is another way. But He is faithful to keep me safe and protected, even when I am at my weakest and feel that I can’t go on anymore.

Our lives are entirely shaped around our response to His question. And the more we say yes, and surrender fully and completely to Him, the more He will ask of us. The more dangerous the way will become, and the more necessary it will be to trust Him further still. This is the pruning process- the only way we can develop our hinds’ feet. But as the stakes get higher, so do the rewards of following Him wholeheartedly: the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, and self-control. We become more like Him and less like our old selves; renewed inwardly while outwardly we are wasting away (2 Corinthians 4:16).

I cling to His promises in the dark. He’s given me a taste of His Kingdom, The High Places, and with that vision I go forth into the unknown.

 

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near

alyssapebbles

When I don’t know what is happening and my life doesn’t make sense,

He is near.

When I’ve lost all hope that I will ever find what I am looking for,

He is near.

When I am blinded by the tears that won’t stop flowing,

And weighed down by heartbreak and despair,

When it hurts to breathe and I cannot sing,

He is near.

We may feel lost, but we are found in His grace.

We may be broken, but He shines through our cracks.

We may be empty, but He fills us with Living Water, and we are poured out.

This life is not about me. My flesh rages and screams and cries for attention, to be indulged and satisfied in its lustful appetites, but His spirit whispers

Follow me. 

I won’t go back to where I’ve been. The way is only forward, the time is only now. We kick and scream and scratch and cry, but He calls us to be still and know that He is God. He stills us with His love. Our rest is found only in Him. He is near.

 

 

thoughts

living faith

alyssapebbles

As God brings me into yet another new season of my life with Him (or rather a continuation of what He began in me 5 months ago), I am humbled.

I am in awe of how real and true He really is.

I am in awe of how when we actually trust Him and obey what He is calling us to do, He changes something inside of us, and gives us a strength we never knew we had access to.

A simple and yet impossibly difficult choice to give Him something I so deeply loved and desired has led me to a new place of freedom and hope in Him. He has given me a peace that surpasses understanding and a renewed assurance of His good plan for my life. He has drawn close in sweet intimacy as I have let go of my own will and decided to choose His.

I am free.

I feel a greater purpose, a greater urgency to know Him and to have others know Him. I feel His Spirit pulsating through me and leading me into deeper waters; taking me to places that I haven’t known and are unfamiliar to me- places I wouldn’t have dared to go before now. But He has done something in me to make me more willing, created an even deeper longing and hunger for truth and righteousness in me. Maybe He does this when we finally let go of ourselves. And maybe this is exactly what we’ve always wanted, and we just weren’t able to see it until we decided to trust Him.

I can’t explain His ways, or why He moves the way He does, but I know that the longings He has put in my heart are meant to be fulfilled in Him alone. I know that He is my ultimate satisfaction, my heart’s deepest desire and strongest need. I know that He is bringing me into deeper dependence on Him every hour of every day, and that I cannot spend any time apart from Him anymore. The stakes are too high; living for myself is no longer enough.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

~Matthew 6:13-14

I want to go through the narrow gate- to walk the only path that leads to life. This past year has been a pruning process, but the growth has been unmistakable. I can only move forward with Him, as He will continue to prune me until everything in my life is conformed to His will- every thought, feeling, desire, and action. He is patient with us, and will allow us to go our own way at times to show us that is not the way we really want to go. I now see that His way is the only way.

In my pursuit of holiness, I will not forget His grace and kindness. I will not forget how much He loves me, because without love nothing else matters. He is Love Himself- a consuming fire that will never leave us where we are in His reckless pursuit of our souls. His love is what enables me to walk on the path; I cannot do it on my own. His love is what keeps me.

I am so grateful to learn these things now; to learn what it really means to let Him into every part of my life. He is saving me from so much unnecessary pain down the road, and developing me into a person He can actually use here and now, in the relationships that I have and the communities that I am a part of. He is doing all of this work in me so His light can shine through me and give others Hope. This work that can only be done when we lay down our lives before Him and let Him have His way, no matter what it costs us- and eventually it will cost us everything. We cannot have Him while we are still holding onto ourselves.

For now, I am content to continue giving Him the little things every day; the little rebellious parts of my heart that are still clinging to the world and to myself. I know that every little sacrifice to Him makes Him glad, and every time I posture my heart back to Him I am more free.

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

~Psalm 59:16

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let go: addendum

alyssapebbles

I feel that I have to write about this subject again because God is continuing to teach me about letting go and surrendering fully to Him in every area of my life. He’s made it evident to me that my compulsion for control has been underlying so much of my unhappiness.

I didn’t even realize I was such a controlling person, but as He has been revealing to me little tendencies, thoughts, and behaviors throughout my days, it is becoming clear that this is the root of my dissatisfaction and lack of contentment and gratitude. It’s been masked under the presence of worry, doubt, and fear- but it is nonetheless about control. And He’s revealing to me how very disobedient it is to worry, doubt, and fear, when He tells us clearly not to. Again I have to return to this beloved passage, because so so often, in fact every day, we forget:

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

~Matthew 6:25-34

Control can be manifested in so many different ways, even in ways that don’t always blatantly look controlling; our time, money, energy, relationships, eating habits, image…etc. There is really no end to the things we think we can control. And we think that if we had control, that longing and aching in us would be filled. We think if we can control the outcome of a situation, we will not have to depend on anyone but ourselves. We trust ourselves more than we trust God. We think we have all the answers; we think we know what’s best for us and others.

We make ourselves our own god. And for a while we can find success in our controlling endeavors- things may actually go our way and we start to believe that we do have some control in this life.

Until they don’t, and we let ourselves or others down. And we have to squarely face our own humanity:

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

~Romans 7:15-20

Inevitably, things will not go our way. Either circumstances will not work out or we will let ourselves down. We have to come to the realization that the control we think we have is an illusion, and then we can finally surrender to God what is already is, and begin to focus on what we actually can control, instead of wasting our time.

We can control how much we give to Him of our lives. We can control how we interact with the people he has placed in our lives, with the events of the day, and with the circumstances He has placed us in. All of these situations are opportunities for our faith to grow, and we get to choose if we will allow ourselves to grow, or remain stubborn and disobedient. That is the control He has given us- that is the work we have to do.

The work is not trying harder, or being better, or manipulating our circumstances to our own satisfaction- it is developing our character to be more like Christ’s, and we do that by complete submission. By giving Him all that we have and trusting that He will take care of us and provide for us in the ways we need, not necessarily the ways we want.

And this work is not easy, but it is the most important work we can do. However, we cannot start this work until we give up all the unnecessary work we are doing by trying to control everything and everyone around us. Things will always come up in our lives to try to distract us from doing the real work, but God will not walk us into deeper relationship with Him until He sees we are ready to give up everything to Him- we cannot be clinging to Him and the world at the same time.

I’m realizing that this is a lifelong journey- that it takes consistency and practice every day to turn my heart back to Him. My default is fear and worry; it is as natural as breathing to me. But that is my old nature, not the new one He has given me. And the new nature does not feel natural at first- we have to train ourselves to live in it. But as we do, He is faithful to help us, and it will become more natural. We will become more trusting. We will begin to see with the eyes of eternity, and not be consumed with the cares of the world. We will be able to live in the world, but not be of it.

Submitting to Christ is the most worthy thing we can ever do with our lives.

thoughts

art of the heart

alyssapebbles

For so long I told myself I wasn’t creative. I looked at others around me and how gifted and talented they were, and believed I could never measure up. As a result, I haven’t cultivated the giftings and talents that God has placed in me as much as I should have- always keeping them at bay, lest they come out and betray me in some way.

Yet when I was a child I was extremely artistic, good at writing, and musically gifted. I had no thoughts of how my creativity compared to others. I simply did the things I loved and enjoyed them. It wasn’t about the output; it was about the process. I was so enraptured and captivated by what I was doing that the final product had no bearing.

God has given us a creative spirit, because He is a Creator. We are made in His image, and therefore we are made to create. Creativity is a form of worship; as we offer into the world the giftings He has put into us, we honor Him and edify others. We don’t create to win the approval of men- we create out of the abundance of life and energy that He has given us.

I’m in a season of my life where God is calling me out further into my creativity. He wants me take risks and pursue those endeavors which for so long I have stayed away from out of fear. Fear that what I create won’t be good enough- that it won’t be perfect, and therefore not worth pursuing.

Fear stifles creativity; it severs our playfulness and imagination, and makes us small-minded. It tells us nothing is good enough, so nothing is born. Perfectionism will always fight against creativity, and we must not allow it to have any space in our hearts.

Our work is a reflection of who we are- creativity is the expression of our souls. It is the most extreme form of vulnerability, to put our creations out into the world for anyone to see. It requires great risk. We must be willing to surrender our pride and fear, and allow the inevitable times of failure and disappointment to come, knowing that failure pushes forward and helps us get better.

In the last year, I have been more and more drawn to the arts- the honest expressions of those souls who are longing for something more, who create beautiful things that speak of eternity, whether it is paintings, musical compositions, or inspiring pieces of writing. Perhaps it’s because I’ve moved to such a creative place, or simply that my own soul is longing for those same things- to break free of the confines that and limitations that I’ve unwittingly set for myself. What I know is that this longing to create is universal, that something in each one of us is stirred to express ourselves through our creativity.

Art is the fruit of a meaningful existence.

 

thoughts

growing pains

alyssapebbles

Our lives should never be stagnant when we follow Jesus. We must always remain in a state of growth and development as He refines us to become more and more like Him. However, growth can be painful, sometimes even excruciating.

Growth means letting go of old habits and developing new ones. It requires constant openness to God and what He’d like to do in our lives and in our hearts. We must look squarely at our own destructive ways and intentionally replace them with life-giving ways, at the Father’s prodding.

He lets us see ourselves as we are so we will be motivated to change. He allows us to see the the extent of our brokenness and helplessness without Him. We have to get to this point in our faith in order to move into the greater things He has for us. He can’t use a self-deluded person to do His work; He can only use those who know their own weakness and humbly submit to Him for strength and guidance. The ones who know their own capacity for sin and realize their need for a Savior. Then He can do the real work in us as we put off our old selves and put on the new (Ephesians 4:22-24). If we’re not open to His correction and tough love, we will not reach the heights He wants to take us to, but remain stuck in our own stubbornness and self-destructive ways.

This summer has been an incredibly growing time for me. And it has not always felt like growth- most times it has felt like retroactive steps; I’m overcome by familiar darknesses that I have faced in the past, and I wonder why they are coming up again. Why I haven’t moved past these things. I start to wonder if I’m just unbearably weak and incapable, a victim of my own mind and fears. I wonder if it will always be this way, if I will always be defeated by these things. That’s the way the enemy would like me to think. He tries to get us stuck in an endless loop of self-pity and fear- a victim mentality. If we remain self-absorbed and wallow in our own helplessness, we will forget to turn to the One who can actually help us.

But by turning to Him and facing these battles again (internal battles of fear, anxiety, purpose, identity, worth…etc.) I am strengthened. He has to bring me back to these places to remind me of my human nature and my absolute need to depend on Him. To remind me that without His love I cannot conquer, that without His thoughts I am hopeless. To remind me how empty I am without Him. These same issues (in different forms and brought about by different circumstances) come up again and again because I keep going back to the old ways of self-sufficiency and illusory control, returning to the place of believing that my life is my own. And that indeed is a fruitless and stagnant place to be.

Even when our circumstances are frustrating and painful, and perhaps especially during these times, we must cling to Him. The sweetest times of growth can be in the biggest times of spiritual and emotional draught. These are the times when we remember that we have a Hope so much greater than what we can see; what is evident in the world around us. And we can remember that the trials we are facing are going to produce something incredible in us.

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.

~1 Peter 1:6

thoughts

let go

alyssapebbles

I wrote about fear and surrendering in the winter of 2016, and once again it becomes relevant to me (and any of us trying to walk the path of Life).

on fear and surrendering

I’ve come to that small place again where fear is the one driving my choices. Where I’m trying to do everything on my own. Where I’m spinning in circles because I simply won’t let go of control. And everything is all about ME.

And all the while He is right here, waiting for me to take His hand. But in order to do that I have to let go of all the things I’m holding.

We’re not in control, in this life. We simply get to participate in it. The sooner we learn that and are able to let go of what we think is ours and embrace what He has for us, trusting that He is for us, the sooner we can live freely and joyfully.

I’m tired, because I’m carrying the weight of the world. It’s a burden He never intended for me to carry.

I recently got to see Frozen on Broadway in New York City, and the scene where Elsa sings “Let It Go” stuck with me; the whole sentiment behind it. I read that they ended up orienting the whole storyline around that song when the songwriters produced it, because the theme was so powerful. It resonates with so many.

Perhaps the need for control will be one the biggest battles we face for the rest of our lives- the need to control every aspect of our lives and have things go the way we see fit. And perhaps Jesus will keep begging us to lay down our own storylines and step into His. Because maybe His story is so much bigger and better than we ever dreamed was possible. Maybe His is the story we always wanted to be a part of, and we didn’t even know it.

 

thoughts

delight

alyssapebbles

Delight in the Lord

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

We become so bogged down by our “burdens” at times, we forget that the Father actually intends for us to have peace, joy, and life. There are indeed times for suffering and waiting patiently on Him, but there are also times when that suffering is self-inflicted and unnecessary. We keep ourselves from Him in the name of religion and asceticism, thinking that we are somehow honoring Him in our grumbling.

I love how He reminds us to delight in Him- how it’s actually a delight to be with Him and spend time with Him; to get to know Him as a friend and companion on this crazy journey of life. We find joy in the relationship with Him- it’s as simple as that. He is a relief from the chaos and madness of our lives. It’s like being with your best friend, who loves you despite all your ridiculousness and faults. He’s warm and caring, friendly and personable. He has a sense of humor, and He allows us to see ourselves clearly in a gentle and loving way, without any fear, shame, or embarrassment- just as a good friend does. He’s a fresh breath of air in a suffocating world. And He wants us to rejoice– He wants us to be so filled with joy we are overflowing; to laugh, to sing, to dance, and to play in this world that He has created for us! Creativity flows from a joyful heart, so He must have been joyful when He created the world, therefore we must be joyful. And joy only comes when we relax and let down our guards; the walls and defense mechanisms that keep us tightly wound.

Why do we act as though He is cold and distant, instead of near and close? We go about our lives as though He’s disinterested or disapproving, as though we constantly have to prove ourselves to Him and those around us. Of course we are drained and exhausted; of course our joy is gone- living in constant striving kills the soul. Yet that feels so much more natural to us than resting in His love and friendship. We can’t believe He could even possibly like us the way we are, let alone enjoy us. We tell ourselves we can have joy once we’ve earned it- we can have the good life when we deserve it. We don’t accept the gift of His Spirit right here and now, because we don’t feel we are ready to walk with Him; we are not qualified yet. We must prove ourselves righteous before we are “holy” enough to live the life He wants for us.

But this is the reverse of how it works with God. It actually starts with Him.

If we live our lives in constant anticipation of the day when we are finally good enough, we never will be. We have to recognize that day is here, the time is now. There is no prerequisite to being with Him; we can go to Him at any time, in any place, and He welcomes us with open arms. That is always the first step to growth and change. We have to stop trying to circumnavigate this key piece of our transformation- without Him we are hopeless. But once we do turn back to Him, in an instant everything changes and He gives us everything we need to move forward.

He’s as close to us as our very breath, as palpable as the warm embrace of someone you love. He’s real, He’s here, all around us and in us. He’s not far. And His heart for us is good.

It’s so easy to lose sight of who He is, and once we forget, we can no longer experience peace. We can’t be fully free and joyful until we know and are convinced of His realness, His goodness, His absolutely unconditional love for us.

IMG_8499.JPG.jpeg

When all seems lost, I’m found in Him. When I’m broken and afraid, He lifts me up and replaces my crippling fear with His perfect love. He doesn’t require anything of me other than my entire being, surrendered to Him, which is the easiest thing in the world when I love Him the most. But it’s the hardest thing when other things of the world have my attention and hope. He keeps on pursuing me, regardless of if I pursue Him or not. He keeps reaching into my heart, digging around and excavating until He finds something responsive to His touch, something true and pure. And He grows that in me until it so fills me until there is no more room for the old impurities. They have no place in my heart anymore, once He has so filled me.

He’s not shy and He’s not restrained. He’ll do anything to get to me- He’s a jealous God who won’t stand for anything or anyone other than Him vying for my attention and heart.

When we find this place of joy in Him, nothing can stop us- His purposes cannot be constrained. We are no longer self-conscious or limited by our own assessment of ourselves and our capabilities. He surpasses our expectations and those things we never thought we could do, desires of our hearts we never thought we could have, now become possible. When we believe He really is who He says He is, nothing is impossible.

Following God is not a chore or a burden; it is the most life-giving pursuit one can ever give himself to. I am overwhelmed when I remember (when He reminds me) of the privilege of this call on our lives- how it demands all of us but it is the most fulfilling life we could ever dream of. With great privilege comes great responsibility, but there’s no greater motivation than a loving and giving Father who brings us to our very best. A Father who delights in us and is pleased with us, so that we may find endless pleasure and satisfaction in Him.

Nothing makes my heart happier than Him, and nothing ever will. It’s what I was made for, and I’m not ashamed to delight in Him.

 

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choice II

alyssapebbles

In October I wrote about a choice we all have to make at some point in our lives when things get hard:

choice

I find myself in that place again; the place where I feel stuck and stagnant in my circumstances and my thinking, and I can either continue in bitterness and resentment, which is the most natural and fleshly inclination,  or I can choose to go forward in a different way:

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.

~Philippians 2:14

I so quickly fall out of a mindset of gratitude when the climate around me isn’t just as I’d like it to be. When things aren’t going my way I become a spoiled child- I throw temper tantrums in my heart and lash out with my thoughts and tongue. My vision becomes narrow and self-focused; self-pity overtakes me and I’m zeroed in on everything that’s wrong.

It’s black-and-white thinking, and it’s a spiraling downward cycle.

But Christ gives us His mind, if we’ll ask for it:

For, “Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.

~1 Corinthians 2:16

In fact, Paul says we already have it. Our minds are so important, and it’s imperative that we protect and guard them from the evil one, who is constantly trying to sabotage our thinking. God knows this, which is why He wants us to have His mind, and think His thoughts:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

~Philippians 4:8-9

The best way to guard our minds is to not even entertain negative thoughts, but to focus on the eternal. To focus on Christ and what He is doing through each situation we come across, instead of how that situation makes us feel. And the second piece of that is the action we take- putting it into practice. That’s where the choice comes in; when we decide what kind of thoughts we will engage and which ones we will not give attention to. Sometimes we like to indulge our negative, self-pitying, resentful thoughts because that feels better in the moment. It feels better to allow ourselves to sulk instead of taking responsibility for our own minds.

These negative patterns of thinking go way back, and the more we have indulged them in the past, the harder it will be to find freedom from them now. But it is not impossible, because He helps us when He sees that we are willing and want to be free. 

It takes intention and effort. It requires that we shift our focus the second we start to catch ourselves going down that path, and remember the truth about ourselves, others, and our God. This kind of intentionality requires effort and active participation- Christ will be faithful to change our hearts when we ask Him but we must be willing to lay down the thoughts and feelings that we allow to hold us captive.

My prayer is that I can see my circumstances with fresh hope and joy- to find Him in the midst of the moments that I dread. To recognize that He is already here and now is the best time of my life; a time to grow and mature in even deeper ways, to grow closer to Him than ever before through the difficulties.

 

thoughts

covered

alyssapebbles

When I live in the tension of being a flawed human, I am always relieved to remember His abounding grace. I am relieved to remember I am not the sum of my mistakes, but rather a culmination of the new works He is doing in me.

I know my own capacity for sin and selfishness.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature…For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

~Romans 7:15-23

I can torment myself with the ways I fall short. I can fall into a pit of despair over the ways I fail Him, others, and myself. I can sink deeper and deeper into the lamentation of my own humanity.

But there is another way- He offers something new.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

~Isaiah 43:19

Somehow, someway, He restores all things to Himself. Somehow His relentless grace covers all that we are and all that we do, so that we become less and less like the deadness inside of us and more like Life. His power is so far-reaching that even the things we have done that the enemy hoped to destroy us with can actually transform us into who we were created to be. When I’m in the trenches of guilt and condemnation, I can remember this: that it’s not the end.

Our consciences are effective tools that God has given us to help avoid making decisions that He knows will bring harm to ourselves or others. He implanted us with his Spirit to guide us in the ways that are righteous and holy, and we can walk in these ways the more we listen to His voice. We will stumble and fall, but that is no longer the point. It’s not a journey about us anymore- it’s not our story. Our own strengths and weaknesses are not determinate of our success on this path; they are opportunities for God to come close and be our strength, to remind us that He is building something bigger and using our failures to display His majesty. When we acknowledge that we are weak in our flesh, He can finally show up and prove Himself strong. And others will see that and realize it is not us, but Him. Our shortcomings allow us and others to give Him all the glory.

I am convicted by my follies, but the pain of my mistakes allows His grace to come in. I receive it and go forward in renewed hope in the One who will never fail me.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

~Philippians 3:12-14