I feel that I have to write about this subject again because God is continuing to teach me about letting go and surrendering fully to Him in every area of my life. He’s made it evident to me that my compulsion for control has been underlying so much of my unhappiness.
I didn’t even realize I was such a controlling person, but as He has been revealing to me little tendencies, thoughts, and behaviors throughout my days, it is becoming clear that this is the root of my dissatisfaction and lack of contentment and gratitude. It’s been masked under the presence of worry, doubt, and fear- but it is nonetheless about control. And He’s revealing to me how very disobedient it is to worry, doubt, and fear, when He tells us clearly not to. Again I have to return to this beloved passage, because so so often, in fact every day, we forget:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
~Matthew 6:25-34
Control can be manifested in so many different ways, even in ways that don’t always blatantly look controlling; our time, money, energy, relationships, eating habits, image…etc. There is really no end to the things we think we can control. And we think that if we had control, that longing and aching in us would be filled. We think if we can control the outcome of a situation, we will not have to depend on anyone but ourselves. We trust ourselves more than we trust God. We think we have all the answers; we think we know what’s best for us and others.
We make ourselves our own god. And for a while we can find success in our controlling endeavors- things may actually go our way and we start to believe that we do have some control in this life.
Until they don’t, and we let ourselves or others down. And we have to squarely face our own humanity:
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
~Romans 7:15-20
Inevitably, things will not go our way. Either circumstances will not work out or we will let ourselves down. We have to come to the realization that the control we think we have is an illusion, and then we can finally surrender to God what is already is, and begin to focus on what we actually can control, instead of wasting our time.
We can control how much we give to Him of our lives. We can control how we interact with the people he has placed in our lives, with the events of the day, and with the circumstances He has placed us in. All of these situations are opportunities for our faith to grow, and we get to choose if we will allow ourselves to grow, or remain stubborn and disobedient. That is the control He has given us- that is the work we have to do.
The work is not trying harder, or being better, or manipulating our circumstances to our own satisfaction- it is developing our character to be more like Christ’s, and we do that by complete submission. By giving Him all that we have and trusting that He will take care of us and provide for us in the ways we need, not necessarily the ways we want.
And this work is not easy, but it is the most important work we can do. However, we cannot start this work until we give up all the unnecessary work we are doing by trying to control everything and everyone around us. Things will always come up in our lives to try to distract us from doing the real work, but God will not walk us into deeper relationship with Him until He sees we are ready to give up everything to Him- we cannot be clinging to Him and the world at the same time.
I’m realizing that this is a lifelong journey- that it takes consistency and practice every day to turn my heart back to Him. My default is fear and worry; it is as natural as breathing to me. But that is my old nature, not the new one He has given me. And the new nature does not feel natural at first- we have to train ourselves to live in it. But as we do, He is faithful to help us, and it will become more natural. We will become more trusting. We will begin to see with the eyes of eternity, and not be consumed with the cares of the world. We will be able to live in the world, but not be of it.
Submitting to Christ is the most worthy thing we can ever do with our lives.
rhythms of grace 