Tag: Jesus

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choice

alyssapebbles

Sometimes you find yourself in a place where you have two choices: keep going or give up. To keep going feels impossibly hard, but to give up feels equally painful.

What do you do?

God doesn’t call us to easy things, but He does make a way where we don’t see one. If we will just continue to say yes to Him and His promises, He will not let us down. We may not see immediate effects, but the fruit will come.

In times like these, I have to rely on Him alone. He uses so many people to speak into my life and fill me with truth, but ultimately it is my decision. My decision to believe what He says about me, to take hold of His promises for me- to take ownership of the circumstances He has given me and be a good steward. My decision to take up my cross and follow Him, whatever may come. And then, when my own strength fails (which it does all the time), His strength will come into me. I cannot rely on myself- my feelings are fickle and always lead me astray. But HE is reliable. HE alone is my salvation, and HE guides me into abundant life. 

When fear and anxiety are taking over and consuming you, DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not let those voices win. Listen to your Father- He loves you. His voice is not hurried or rushed, fear-arousing or anxiety-producing. His voice is calm and graceful, trustworthy and true.

Let His love define you. Let His love shape you. Let Him take care of you, and make you well. In Him we find healing, truth, and rest.

Rest in Him. He will provide and you will not be disappointed.

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messy

alyssapebbles

It’s so easy for me to see all the ugly, chaotic, crazy messes in the world- and most especially in myself. Life is so complicated and confusing and there are always a million different things running through my head and my heart, not to mention everything else going on with the people around me and the world.

We are complex, intricate creatures in a complex, intricate world. There is no right or wrong, up or down, left or right. It’s all relative and about perspective and how in the heck are we supposed to order this mess of our lives?

God has shown me that in the mess there is beauty– in fact, in the mess, there is Him. When everything is spiraling and we can’t see clearly and our hearts are troubled and we are looking for answers in all the wrong places, He is calling to us as our solid rock.

As our order in the mess.

As our calm in the storm.

As our simple in the complicated.

Life doesn’t have to be so messy if I keep my focus on Him.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ~Matthew 6:33

When we focus on trying to control the mess or fix it, or perhaps (in my case) try to run away from it, only a bigger mess will be made. We cannot fix this world (or ourselves) in our own strength- it’s all God’s doing. My trying to fix my own mess is a result of my lack of faith and trust in Him. He is the great Healer, Physician, Handyman- the ailment to all our ills. HE is the one who does the work, and OUR job is to trust Him to do it instead of taking it into our own feeble and incapable hands.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside us helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. ~Romans 8:28 MSG

Sometimes God wants us to sit with Him in our mess until we can no longer bear it- He needs to show us what we’re doing to ourselves and those around us until we HAVE to make a change- or else we will continue to deteriorate inside and out. Although this is incredibly painful, it is the way He brings us closer to Himself and closer to who He wants us to be. When we come to Him in humility with our burdens and our failures, He doesn’t scold us, mock us, or shame us. He forgives us and sets us free.

How grateful I am to have a Father who meets me in my mess- and who wants to take me out of it. It is amazing to know that my story and my past, my choices and my failures, don’t define me; that HE alone does. That He’s taken away my sin and my shame and set me free to live the life worthy of my calling- to experience the abundant joy of living in a broken world as a redeemed person, continually pouring out my brokenness and messiness to Him, who can handle all of it. In return He gives me life and wholeness.

He can handle all of it: every single little messy thing about you. Everything that doesn’t fit with who you think you’re supposed to be, everything you try to hide and avoid, everything that’s secretly killing you on the inside. He will never flinch or turn away or abandon you- He doesn’t see you as a sinner but as a Saint. 

Please hear these words. I am in awe of who He is and what He is capable of; that He could set someone like me free- someone who struggles every day to know and live into my identity in Him. If He loves me that much, there isn’t a person in this world He can’t save with His unconditional love.

No mess is too big for God.

 

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free to be me

alyssapebbles

God never wants us to be someone we’re not- He created us as we are for a reason, even if we sometimes feel like a complete and total mess or mistake. We never need to pretend to be someone else.

Easier said than done.

When I look around, I get so caught up in everyone else. I get caught up in the lives of the people around me- what she is doing and where he is going and how successful she is. I become so absorbed in their lives that I forget how to be my own person (Hint: this is called codependency, and it’s a beast.) How everyone else seems to be living their lives to the full while I am over here standing still and paralyzed- feeling lost, confused, and left behind.

Now, I know this isn’t true and we are all on our own journey. There’s no use in looking around and feeling like a failure because guess what: most everyone else is doing the same thing. We all see from our tinted lenses; mine just happens to be the lens of perfection.

If she is good at this, I must be better or else I am worthless. 

If he doesn’t like me, there must be something wrong with me.

Why do I keep chasing this unattainable goal, try to be this person that I never can be?

God’s grace is enough.

While I still don’t understand exactly what God is doing or the path I am supposed to be on, I know that He is a loving Father and He does not punish us: He confronts us with the things that need to be confronted, and then He heals us. He wants us to get well, to become more whole, to become more like Him.

The more we become like Him, the more we become fully ourselves.

I don’t want to be who others think I should be, or even necessarily who I think I should be. I want to be who God says I am, and live fully into that. I still need to figure out what that means, but I know that I am a work in progress and looking outside of Him for answers isn’t going to get me anywhere.

A great blogger I discovered wrote these words:

Your calling is meant for you, not everyone else. Everybody may not get it, and that’s okay. It’s not for them. They weren’t designed for this. You were. God didn’t place it in their heart. He placed it in yours. If we left the purposes and plans of our life in the hands of people, our entire life would be conformed to what people want to see instead of who God made us to be, and that’s just no way to live. ~Brittney Moses (http://brittneyamoses.com)

As I pray for clarity and discernment, the Lord will sustain me and show me where to go next as He reveals more and more of His plans for me, which are so enwrapped and intertwined with my identity and personality. Through trial and error, challenges and failures, I become closer and closer to Him, and therefore closer and closer to myself.

I go forward in courage, empowered by His grace and love for me.

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rhythm & rest

alyssapebbles

When I try to be everything for everyone, I burn out so quickly.

We are not made to please others. We are made to please God. 

The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? ~Psalm 118:6

It’s so easy to take on other people’s burdens and baggage and get carried away, forgetting our center is in Christ and Christ alone. Our relationship with Him comes first, and then comes our relationships with others.

I always have to catch myself when the bitterness, resentment, and cynicism begin to fester inside of me- that’s when I know something is off. I am not getting that refilling, replenishing time with the Lord, my Father and the God who loves me. I’m letting what other people say about me dictate who I am; or rather, what I believe others’ perceptions of me are.

I am not my mistakes, I am not my sin. I am free and beloved in Christ.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. ~Romans 8:1

Sometimes the voice of perfection is so loud that I can hardly hear God over the noise. It makes me feel smaller and smaller as the anxiety takes over. I call it “shoulding” on myself.

“You should be smarter.”

“You should have done that differently.”

“You should be better than you are.”

You get the picture. The “shoulds” become so strong that they drown out the “ares.”

My Father:

“You are loved.”

“You are precious.”

“You are safe.”

and

“I AM ENOUGH.”

My best friend gave me a necklace before I left with the Maya Angelou quote on it: “You alone are enough.” And it’s true, He is. When I can’t see the way before me and am desperately trying to cling on to everything and everyone but Him, I feel a severe lack-and an intense exhaustion and burnout. But when I go to Him first, I am reminded that He is a good God who cares for me and meets me in my deepest longing and pain- and that it has to start there.

It has to start with Him.

When I come to Him first, He will order my life- I will find my own personal rhythm with Him. We don’t need to move at the pace that everyone else does or expects us to; each of us has our own relationship with Christ that calls us to unique ways of being. There is no comparison.

And finally, He calls us to rest. To be with Him. To sit with Him. To know Him. Life is messy and crazy and if we don’t find time to be alone with Him, we will spin out of control. Life apart from God is no life at all.

It’s easy to perform- it’s so much harder to trust God with our authentic selves and let Him shape us as He desires instead of forcing our own way.

I always go back to this one:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. ~Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

Don’t let the burdens overcome you- we have a Father who is willing and able to take those burdens so we can live freely and lightly.

Let go.

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not my will

alyssapebbles

Sometimes God asks us to do the hardest things- to surrender our own desires and wills for His. In fact if we are truly following Christ, we have to be daily willing to die to ourselves so that we may be filled with His life. Otherwise we are simply cutting ourselves off from Him and won’t be able to receive the glorious gifts He wants to give us.

God wants all of us, the whole and totality of our beings, and nothing less. When we let things, ideas, jobs, careers, family, friends, and relationships become our priorities- our idols- over Him, He is not pleased. When we try to make things work in our own power instead of His, we are destined to fail.

This is one of the hardest truths to absorb: Not my will, but His.

Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for? ~Matthew 16:24-26 The Message

Jesus Himself had to come to this agonizing point when He knew of the looming death that was ahead of Him, and He cried out to God:

Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine. ~Luke 22:42

Sometimes we push so hard for our own way because we are so terrified of giving it up to God- of what the outcome will look like. But when we are walking with the Lord, we don’t ever need to be concerned with the outcome. If we trust and know that He is who He says He is, we are free to surrender our lives before Him and know that whatever happens will ultimately be for our good- even if it doesn’t make sense right now. We can let go of our own wills and take up our crosses.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~1 Peter 5:10

God never leaves us in the dark- we may find ourselves there for a while, but it is through the trials that we grow and are strengthened in Him.

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challenge

alyssapebbles

As I begin this new season of my life and settle into the new rhythm of the culture and people around me, I find myself spinning a little bit.

This year is going to challenge me- that’s one thing I know for sure, amidst all the other unknowns. The uncertainty and fear that comes along with major life transitions can be overwhelming and all-consuming if you let it. I’ve experienced this enough times in my life now that I have better footing this time (or have more tools in my toolbox as my wise mama would say), but it doesn’t make it any easier. You don’t realize how much you’re going to miss something until it’s gone. I feel my eyes brimming each time I am reminded of the life I just left; yet looking forward in anticipation of what’s to come.

I also find myself at moments discouraged: familiarity is so comforting. New is hard. Especially when it is all new: new place, new people, new culture, new community. So much excitement all at once can blow a girl right over–even if all of it is good.

I know that this is the time when what I’m truly holding onto becomes evident—when all I have left to cling to is Jesus Himself, the one who knows me inside and out in a place where I don’t yet feel known by people. Friends come and go, but He remains with me. Changing circumstances can shake our world, but they also cause us to run to our Rock and Redeemer, who will always walk with us through our challenges and hardships.

God brought me to this place for a reason, and I trust Him with what is to come—even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. I know everything is going to fall into place, and I am grateful for this time of transformation. I have to let go of the old to make room for the new things that God wants to do in my life this year. Even in the midst of the uncertainty, I know there is joy ahead.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. ~ Hebrews 12:1-3 (emphasis added)

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open mind, open heart

alyssapebbles

We can become so narrow-minded sometimes, so unwilling to listen the Father and what He wants to do in our lives. We have an idea of how our life should go, and when it doesn’t go that way we are thrown off, and find ourselves being tossed around in states of confusion, fear, sadness, and possibly even anger.

Receiving God’s will for us with open hands can be difficult, but it is the only way to experience the true freedom and joy He offers us. He will always interrupt our plans, because there is so much to be gained when we are interrupted and our world is shaken. These are the times He uses to shape us, as we become disoriented and disillusioned from the loss of our idea of the perfect life. In that state loss, we can cling to Him for answers and providence. These are in fact the best of times. We become more and more like Jesus as we depend on Him, and less and less like our sinful selves.

After the camp that I worked at last summer, I learned a lot about receiving with open hands- or rather, loosely holding onto everything I think I have a right to; the things I think are mine. Because ultimately, nothing on this earth- even my very own body- is mine. I don’t own anything. It all belongs to God. And when are hands are held loosely, we can let go of the things that are really dragging us down and receive new and good things, all because we are clinging tightly to Him and Him alone.

Once we accept that everything is a good gift from Above, we can face our challenges and interruptions of our plans with an open heart and an open mind, tuning into what God is trying to accomplish through them. Instead of seeing them as obstacles in the road, they become enriching parts of our story- parts of the becoming of who we really are. Everything in this world is fleeting; all that will go on is our souls in His eternity, so why should we reject what He is doing in us now in favor of superficial and short-lived pleasures?

“Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks.” ~1 Timothy 4:4

I want to receive all that He has for me with open hands, an open heart, and an open mind. It may not look the way I expected, because He is full of surprises, but it will always be exactly what I need and what is best for me. When I look back on my life, it is clear that He has used all the things (even the ones that don’t make sense to me) for His glory, and I know He will continue to do so, even if I don’t understand it in the moment. Because I know He is trustworthy, I can have peace in the middle of turmoil and uncertainty.

Know that nothing is wasted- everything in your life does happen for a reason. Cultivate your heart to receive it all with thanksgiving.

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pursued

alyssapebbles

During my last few weeks in Seattle, God has been pursuing my heart quite tremendously- through beautiful scenery, spontaneous adventures, breathtaking music, and generous and loving people after His own heart. It is truly magical the way He seeks and woos us (yes, I said woos). I have felt invited into more intimacy with Him as I become more intimate with His creation. It is exciting and enlivening, yet also a little terrifying.

I feel myself pull back.

I crave that intimacy, yet I also fear it- fear my soul being so completely and utterly exposed. Being pursued by God (and by other people) makes you become so self-aware that it can be a little freaky. It can make you want to hide.

But the beautiful thing is that when God pursues us, He has no intentions other than to bring us closer to Him- to become more perfect in love. He is completely trustworthy; we have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide that He cannot handle, or better yet, redeem. And He will not hurt us or abandon us, which is what we fear the most when we give our hearts to other people.

I think God is pursuing me so adamantly in this time because I am about to embark a new journey, one in which I will need to be so assured of His love for me every single day in order to assure others of the same. He woos and romances my heart now so that I will be prepared for the heartbreak that I will inevitably experience up ahead in our fallen world- so I will come running back into His safe and loving arms. How reassuring and comforting that is.

God calls us the “bride” of Christ, and He pursues us like a groom pursues his bride- with uncontained affection, adoration, and love. His love for us is unconditional and so beyond what we could ever imagine or understand. He knows the secret keys to our hearts; the secret pleasures we delight in that nobody else knows about, the things that our heart yearns the most for. He knows these things because He created us: He made us this way, and therefore knows exactly how to capture our hearts.

Psalm 139 is a beautiful ode to His intimate knowledge of and love for us. Read it to yourself and be reminded of who you are and how much your Father, and Lover, loves and pursues you.

Only because we are pursued can we pursue.