thanksgiving – rhythms of grace

I am always convicted, especially during this time of the year, of my lack of gratefulness. While the season of Thanksgiving encourages us to look at all that we have been given and be grateful, I find it a particular challenge in the current circumstances I face- leaving an internship I thought I was going to find fulfillment in and feeling disillusioned about my future.

Discontent has marked much of my life: I suffer from a serious lack mentality. For almost as long as I can remember growing up, I was not satisfied with what I had- always looking at what others possessed, whether material items, talents and skills, physical appearance, social status…etc. I remember being very materialistic as a child and envying others much of the time. It’s always been so much easier for me to focus on everything that’s wrong and missing in my life, constantly comparing myself to others, than focusing on the blessings God has given and is giving to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a four on the enneagram… or because I was an only child for seven years. Whatever the reason, the discontent I feel can be so frustrating and make me feel so selfish for not being able to appreciate all that He has given me- because He has given me so much. It’s a matter of training my eyes to see it, to see Him in all His glory and His dwelling inside of me. In Him, we already have enough- there is no lack. Paul’s words provide a source of encouragement and hope for me during this time:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

~Philippians 4:11-13

I can either look at my life and myself as a failure, forever doomed to be unsatisfied and unfulfilled, or I can choose to see my life through His lens. I am finally at a place where He can use me however He pleases, unhindered by anything. My future is wide open, which is both terrifying and impossibly exciting. That in itself is a gift.

While the discouragement and disillusionment can come in palpable waves at times, I know He is in control of my life and is allowing this season to happen for a reason. I have to find my satisfaction in Him alone, because right now I don’t have anything else- everything is shifting and changing and there is no stability but in Him. If I allow Him to change my perspective, I will be able to be grateful for where I’m at, for this time of self-discovery, healing, and revelation. I know most people don’t get this kind of time in their life, so instead of feeling guilty for it and wishing my circumstances were different, I can see the blessing and take advantage of it, using it to grow deeper in my relationship with Him.

Contentment is a choice, not something we can only feel when our circumstances are just right- because they never will be. Just as we choose to follow Him each day, we can choose to allow Him to be enough for us in this day and see the blessings all around us.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We can become so narrow-minded sometimes, so unwilling to listen the Father and what He wants to do in our lives. We have an idea of how our life should go, and when it doesn’t go that way we are thrown off, and find ourselves being tossed around in states of confusion, fear, sadness, and possibly even anger.

Receiving God’s will for us with open hands can be difficult, but it is the only way to experience the true freedom and joy He offers us. He will always interrupt our plans, because there is so much to be gained when we are interrupted and our world is shaken. These are the times He uses to shape us, as we become disoriented and disillusioned from the loss of our idea of the perfect life. In that state loss, we can cling to Him for answers and providence. These are in fact the best of times. We become more and more like Jesus as we depend on Him, and less and less like our sinful selves.

After the camp that I worked at last summer, I learned a lot about receiving with open hands- or rather, loosely holding onto everything I think I have a right to; the things I think are mine. Because ultimately, nothing on this earth- even my very own body- is mine. I don’t own anything. It all belongs to God. And when are hands are held loosely, we can let go of the things that are really dragging us down and receive new and good things, all because we are clinging tightly to Him and Him alone.

Once we accept that everything is a good gift from Above, we can face our challenges and interruptions of our plans with an open heart and an open mind, tuning into what God is trying to accomplish through them. Instead of seeing them as obstacles in the road, they become enriching parts of our story- parts of the becoming of who we really are. Everything in this world is fleeting; all that will go on is our souls in His eternity, so why should we reject what He is doing in us now in favor of superficial and short-lived pleasures?

“Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks.” ~1 Timothy 4:4

I want to receive all that He has for me with open hands, an open heart, and an open mind. It may not look the way I expected, because He is full of surprises, but it will always be exactly what I need and what is best for me. When I look back on my life, it is clear that He has used all the things (even the ones that don’t make sense to me) for His glory, and I know He will continue to do so, even if I don’t understand it in the moment. Because I know He is trustworthy, I can have peace in the middle of turmoil and uncertainty.

Know that nothing is wasted- everything in your life does happen for a reason. Cultivate your heart to receive it all with thanksgiving.