endurance – rhythms of grace

Starting new things is always fun and exciting and easy- in a sense. The adrenaline that comes from newness can sustain you to a certain point, until the burnout hits hard and reality slaps you in the face. As someone who has big dreams and little follow through, I feel convicted by God in the new place He has put me.

He wants me to invest myself here- in relationships, in the work I do, in how I take care of myself, and in the way I live my life for Him. I can no longer have a divided heart. He wants my full attention.

As I have already been pursued and invested in since coming to this beautiful place, I know He calls me to pursue and invest in others. I know what it is to be served- now I am called to serve.

We can masquerade behind half-truths and shallow interactions with others, always keeping our distance for fear of getting hurt, or we can allow ourselves to be fully seen and fully known. Yes, that does open the door to potential pain and heartbreak, but it’s so much better than over-protecting your heart until it becomes weak, fragile, and cold.

Deciding to stay here was a risk, a daring step towards the freedom God has for me. I was disobeying Him by running away from this opportunity, because He brought me here to shine His light through me. If I withhold what I have to give, I cannot be given to. Just as we must receive before we can give, we also must give before we can receive. It’s a two-way street.

There is still so much uncertainty and unknowns, and I feel my heart pull away from what can feel like intense exposure, but I know it is better to risk than to hide. I’m tired of hiding and running- it’s exhausting and never worth it.

Wherever you find yourself, no matter how imperfect the circumstances (or the people), be there. Be all in, be present, and allow yourself to bloom where you’re planted. With God, you can always flourish if you will lean in to the community of believers around you and allow yourself to be healed. Instead of waiting for things to be just right, enter into the mess and start living. There is abundant joy and life for us if we will just commit ourselves to Him and the people around us that we are called to minister to.

Don’t let fear and inadequacy ever hold you back. Run the race set before you.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~Hebrews 12:1

As I begin this new season of my life and settle into the new rhythm of the culture and people around me, I find myself spinning a little bit.

This year is going to challenge me- that’s one thing I know for sure, amidst all the other unknowns. The uncertainty and fear that comes along with major life transitions can be overwhelming and all-consuming if you let it. I’ve experienced this enough times in my life now that I have better footing this time (or have more tools in my toolbox as my wise mama would say), but it doesn’t make it any easier. You don’t realize how much you’re going to miss something until it’s gone. I feel my eyes brimming each time I am reminded of the life I just left; yet looking forward in anticipation of what’s to come.

I also find myself at moments discouraged: familiarity is so comforting. New is hard. Especially when it is all new: new place, new people, new culture, new community. So much excitement all at once can blow a girl right over–even if all of it is good.

I know that this is the time when what I’m truly holding onto becomes evident—when all I have left to cling to is Jesus Himself, the one who knows me inside and out in a place where I don’t yet feel known by people. Friends come and go, but He remains with me. Changing circumstances can shake our world, but they also cause us to run to our Rock and Redeemer, who will always walk with us through our challenges and hardships.

God brought me to this place for a reason, and I trust Him with what is to come—even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. I know everything is going to fall into place, and I am grateful for this time of transformation. I have to let go of the old to make room for the new things that God wants to do in my life this year. Even in the midst of the uncertainty, I know there is joy ahead.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. ~ Hebrews 12:1-3 (emphasis added)