As I find myself in yet another season of anxiety, I wonder why I am here again. Why I can’t seem to get a grip on reality and just relax. Why I can’t just trust God in my heart, even though my head knows that He is trustworthy.
My anxiety is twofold as it manifests both physically and mentally, one affecting the other in an endless loop. The most recent fun thing is the chest tightness and pain. Am I having a heart attack? Or is it just the anxiety? All you hypochondriacs out there feel me. It doesn’t help that I have overwhelming health anxiety from my chronic illnesses that already takes up way too much mental space.
I can play these dangerous mind games and be convinced by Google that I am dying, OR I can look hard at my fears and wonder if they are really worth fearing.
We just got back from the trip of my dreams to Ireland– a delayed honeymoon that was supposed to happen during Covid but never did. I honestly didn’t think we would be able to go after having our baby and finances being relatively tight, but the hubby gave us the green light and we got to go to the place I’ve always wanted to visit.
And the whole time, I was anxious. Anxious about the flights, anxious about being away from my baby for so long, anxious about dealing with my health issues in another country…the list goes on and on. I still enjoyed our time there, but underlying the whole trip was a deep-seated dread that still hasn’t fully gone away.
Satan tries to convince me these fears are rational– there is so much to be afraid of, after all. Planes go down, people get terminally ill, tragedies happen all the time. Maybe if I worry enough, everything will be alright. Maybe if I grip the armrests of my plane seat tight enough, the plane will stay in the air. Maybe all this worrying will give me some semblance of control in a world that feels absolutely. out. of. it.
And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Matthew 6:27
That’s what fear really is, isn’t it? A desire to be in control. We wouldn’t be fearful or anxious if we didn’t want or need things to be a certain way. If we trusted a good God to handle all the outcomes in our life, there would be no room for anxiety. It simply wouldn’t be able to exist.
I don’t want to say that anxiety is as simple as a lack of faith, but in a sense it is. In a sense, it is a choice. It is the choice to trust in ourselves instead of God. But if we profess to be Christians, we have no reason to fear. Death itself cannot separate us from Him.
Anxiety manifests when our hopes and desires are misaligned. If my hope is in my health, my family, or financial stability, I have every reason to fear because I could lose any of those things in a moment. But if my hope is in Him, I can have true peace regardless of my circumstances.
It still takes my heart a while to catch up to these truths, but the Lord is patient with me. He keeps inviting me to His rest, His peace. He keeps loving me and holding me even as I give into my fears and let them overwhelm me. He won’t give up on me. He knows my weakness, and He asks me to give it all to Him. To let Him transform my mind from fear to faith. From anxiety to peace. From despair to hope.
You can’t talk yourself out of anxiety but you can talk to Him. You can cast all your cares on Him, because He cares deeply for you (1 Peter 5:7). You can tell Him everything on your heart and mind, everything that is burdening and weighing you down, and He will listen. He will hold you and remind you of His love for you. He will give you renewed hope and joy. He will give you peace that surpasses understanding.
This world truly is a fearful place– we should expect it to be. But that doesn’t mean we have to be afraid. Satan only has dominion for now, and only the dominion that God lets him have. This is not the end of the story, friends. We have great hope not only in eternity, but even now.
There is no quick fix for anxiety, but rather a slow re-learning of mind and heart patterns that have been deeply engrained in us over the years. Just as anxiety is a learned thought pattern, we can learn trust. We can begin to train our minds to focus on what God says about us and the world when the anxious thoughts start creeping in. We can reject the thoughts that don’t serve us anymore, and claim God’s truths. Over time those truths will become instinctual– our immediate inner responses to the circumstances in our lives.
We have to be in the Word to do this. We have to memorize His promises so that they are available to us in every moment of fear. And we have to fellowship. We have to be with other believers who will listen and care for us, and remind of us of the truth when we forget– which we will.
It is a lifelong battle, but it is worth it. We are not meant to live in fear.
rhythms of grace 