Starting new things is always fun and exciting and easy- in a sense. The adrenaline that comes from newness can sustain you to a certain point, until the burnout hits hard and reality slaps you in the face. As someone who has big dreams and little follow through, I feel convicted by God in the new place He has put me.
He wants me to invest myself here- in relationships, in the work I do, in how I take care of myself, and in the way I live my life for Him. I can no longer have a divided heart. He wants my full attention.
As I have already been pursued and invested in since coming to this beautiful place, I know He calls me to pursue and invest in others. I know what it is to be served- now I am called to serve.
We can masquerade behind half-truths and shallow interactions with others, always keeping our distance for fear of getting hurt, or we can allow ourselves to be fully seen and fully known. Yes, that does open the door to potential pain and heartbreak, but it’s so much better than over-protecting your heart until it becomes weak, fragile, and cold.
Deciding to stay here was a risk, a daring step towards the freedom God has for me. I was disobeying Him by running away from this opportunity, because He brought me here to shine His light through me. If I withhold what I have to give, I cannot be given to. Just as we must receive before we can give, we also must give before we can receive. It’s a two-way street.
There is still so much uncertainty and unknowns, and I feel my heart pull away from what can feel like intense exposure, but I know it is better to risk than to hide. I’m tired of hiding and running- it’s exhausting and never worth it.
Wherever you find yourself, no matter how imperfect the circumstances (or the people), be there. Be all in, be present, and allow yourself to bloom where you’re planted. With God, you can always flourish if you will lean in to the community of believers around you and allow yourself to be healed. Instead of waiting for things to be just right, enter into the mess and start living. There is abundant joy and life for us if we will just commit ourselves to Him and the people around us that we are called to minister to.
Don’t let fear and inadequacy ever hold you back. Run the race set before you.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~Hebrews 12:1
rhythms of grace 