Tag: trust

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waiting

alyssapebbles

Patience is very difficult for me. I love to jump on exciting opportunities when they come my way, like an eager child waiting to open the first gift on Christmas morning. My heart can barely stand to wait.

Because of this tendency, I have found myself in some very challenging, and sometimes even dangerous, circumstances. My excitement can lead to impulsivity, which can end in disaster. The delay of gratification is such an important concept in psychology that they found in studies where little children were told they would get a second marshmallow if they waited to eat the first one, those children who waited were exponentially more likely to succeed in life: career, family, overall happiness. This is a powerful study, and convicts me right down to my bones.

While I have learned so much through the decisions I’ve made, I think through it all God has been whispering to me to slow down. Instead of rushing into decisions out of fear, He desires for us to wait on Him- not passively, but actively seeking His guidance and wisdom in all that we do before making those decisions- especially the big life ones.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. ~Psalm 27:14

Changes in circumstances will never fix us. I read this appropriate passage in my devotional this morning:

God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can’t understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you. Never put yourself in front of your circumstances and say, “I’m going to be my own providence here; I will watch this closely, or protect myself from that.” All your circumstances are in the hand of God, and therefore you don’t ever have to think they are unnatural or unique. Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use the everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne, and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them. ~Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest)

I can either look at my experiences and circumstances as stumbling blocks and be constantly looking for ways to make things better for myself, or I can see how He is using all of these situations to form what matters most: my character. Everything is fleeting but our hearts.

As I enter into this next uncertain season of my life, I know it will be a season that requires patience and actively waiting upon the Lord. As much as I desire to know exactly what’s next, I don’t- and that’s scary. This is the first time in my life I have ever not known. I am in the in-between, and it is tempting to despair. But God promises me hope and a future in Him:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

He is faithful and will not let us down. In times and uncertainty, fear, and hopelessness, we can be certain of His unfailing providence. Even when I don’t trust myself or find myself in the darkest of places, I know I can trust Him to bring me through. Even when I feel like a failure, He will not fail me. The process that we are undergoing is a lifelong process of transformation, and this. takes. time.

This takes patience and perseverance in the waiting.

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identity

alyssapebbles

Times of transition can be the most challenging times of life- especially when the transition continues and circumstances have not settled. As I go through yet another transition, I feel myself in limbo.

I’m having an identity crisis.

My whole life has been planned up to this point. All I’ve known is school- my identity was in being a student. And I knew how to be a good student; or at least how to live the student life (a.k.a. get by with good-enough grades and spend the rest of my time doing what I want to do). Honestly, that’s how I’ve lived my life up until now.

So now that I don’t know what’s next or what lies ahead, I feel like I don’t know who I am- or what to put my identity into.

This is the perfect time to look to Christ.

When I don’t know what my next week is going to look like, I can look to Him and let Him guide my every footstep, my every breath. I surrender it all to Him- He will show me where I need to be.

I have fallen in love with this community and with Santa Cruz, which, by the way, translates to Holy Cross. I know God brought me here for a reason- just not the reason I thought. He usually operates that way, keeping us guessing and running back to Him for answers. He hasn’t given me one yet, but He has made me aware of the deep healing and cleansing He wants to do in me. As my shame, pain, and self-worth issues have resurfaced through this experience, I am running back to my Creator to remind me of who I really am.

And after I find out and rest in who I really I am, I will know where to go.

God is a protector and provider, and He places our character, our righteousness, above all else; above all circumstances and relationships and locations and jobs and the things we hold so dear and important. He wants us, our whole selves, and nothing less. If He has to knock everything else out of the way to get to us, He will.

Because He loves us.

I have nothing to hold onto but Him- I am His and He is mine. Knowing that, I have nothing to worry or fear going forward. I can step into the journey ahead with confidence, even when problems and issues arise, as they always do. I don’t need to be timid or afraid; I don’t have to hold back my personality or pretend to be someone I’m not. I am finally free.

He will make a way where I don’t see one. I am His child, His beloved, and He will bring me to completion in Him.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. ~Romans 8:28 MSG

I love the song “Nothing I Hold on To” by Will Reagan- it speaks to how desperate we are for Him and how much we need Him when we can’t see the way:

I lean not on my own understanding

My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

I give it all to You God

Trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me!

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.

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challenge

alyssapebbles

As I begin this new season of my life and settle into the new rhythm of the culture and people around me, I find myself spinning a little bit.

This year is going to challenge me- that’s one thing I know for sure, amidst all the other unknowns. The uncertainty and fear that comes along with major life transitions can be overwhelming and all-consuming if you let it. I’ve experienced this enough times in my life now that I have better footing this time (or have more tools in my toolbox as my wise mama would say), but it doesn’t make it any easier. You don’t realize how much you’re going to miss something until it’s gone. I feel my eyes brimming each time I am reminded of the life I just left; yet looking forward in anticipation of what’s to come.

I also find myself at moments discouraged: familiarity is so comforting. New is hard. Especially when it is all new: new place, new people, new culture, new community. So much excitement all at once can blow a girl right over–even if all of it is good.

I know that this is the time when what I’m truly holding onto becomes evident—when all I have left to cling to is Jesus Himself, the one who knows me inside and out in a place where I don’t yet feel known by people. Friends come and go, but He remains with me. Changing circumstances can shake our world, but they also cause us to run to our Rock and Redeemer, who will always walk with us through our challenges and hardships.

God brought me to this place for a reason, and I trust Him with what is to come—even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. I know everything is going to fall into place, and I am grateful for this time of transformation. I have to let go of the old to make room for the new things that God wants to do in my life this year. Even in the midst of the uncertainty, I know there is joy ahead.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. ~ Hebrews 12:1-3 (emphasis added)