future – rhythms of grace

Sometimes it is so hard to believe that God truly wants to bless us- that He is good and faithful and trustworthy and never desires bad things for us. Yes, He sometimes allows us to suffer for growing purposes, but that is never His ultimate goal for us.

He wants to give us good things.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

~James 1:17

I think many of us have been trained up in this guilt-complex (whether inflicted by the church, authoritative and demanding parents, or self-inflicted) where we can’t accept the blessings that God truly wants to give us because we believe we don’t deserve them. And it’s true- we don’t deserve them, yet we need to learn to freely accept them.

In this continuing tumultuous and uncertain stage of my life, God has reached out His hand and given me an opportunity which feels too good to be true. It feels like something I don’t deserve. I am attacked right and left with my mistakes, failures, and shame as reasons that I can’t accept these blessings and instead must pay for my deeds (a.k.a. live in punishment and mourning until I have, so to speak, “earned my keep.”) Truly this is what the enemy tells me.

Yet God’s voice is still there. He is still with me. He still has hope for me and still wants to fulfill His promises to me. How can it be? How can He know my deepest insecurities, shame, and sin, and still want to be with me, or even near me?

I know the depravity of my own soul. Sometimes the weight of the shame I carry feels so incredibly heavy. It feels like my duty to carry it- the weight of my sin. But so much of this weight I was never meant to carry- once we confess our sins and repent to our Father, we are free to no longer be burdened by those things. But sometimes I choose to continue living under that burden, for no reason other than in some twisted way I think I am honoring Him in my groveling. My mom calls it false humility. It could also be defined as wallowing…

But He doesn’t want us to wallow. We are not meant to live in a constant cycle of attacking ourselves and feeling inadequate- feeling like we’ll never amount to anything or that our future is hopeless. It’s simply not: but it is if we don’t cling to Him.

However, once we have chosen to align our hearts, minds, and wills with His, we are free. We can seriously step into that freedom the moment, the very second, we turn back to Him. It’s absolutely unbelievable, and explains why it is so hard for us to grasp this freedom. It really seems too good to be true…that’s why it’s the good news! We have to claim it.

Part of that freedom involves freely receiving- allowing Him to give us the good things He wants to without questioning Him. As long as our hearts are more in love with Him than anything or anyone else, we can stop being afraid and expecting the worst in every situation, or believing that we are going to screw things up all the time.

S.J. Hill, in his book Enjoying God, writes a chapter on happiness, and how happiness and holiness are not opposites but in fact synonymous when we find our complete happiness, satisfaction, and joy in Him. He writes:

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. In other words, the greatest way we can glorify the Father is by enjoying Him and finding our ultimate happiness in Him.

Like, He actually wants us to be happy! He doesn’t punish us for our sins- that’s why He sent His son to die. How much it hurts His heart when He sees us acting as if that didn’t happen, as if He didn’t offer that ultimate sacrifice for us. That’s what we are doing when we walk around in perpetual shame- acting as if His grace and forgiveness don’t exist and He is not a good father who loves and forgives us, who sets us free.

Stop breaking His heart. He loves you so much, and nothing you can do or will do will ever separate you from that love. Allow Him to bless you.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died- more than that, who was raised to life- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution of famine or nakedness or danger or sword?…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Romans 8:31-39 (emphasis added)

Please take hold of these promises. He is so faithful and trustworthy through every season, even the darkest ones. Let Him hold you close and fill you up in the deepest way so you can finally let go of everything holding you back and step into the life for which you were created.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!

~2 Corinthians 7:9

Our future and hope is found in Him. We do not have to settle for a less-than life.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”

~Jeremiah 29:11-14 (emphasis added)

Be encouraged. This is our calling: to live the abundant life and bear fruit.

Patience is very difficult for me. I love to jump on exciting opportunities when they come my way, like an eager child waiting to open the first gift on Christmas morning. My heart can barely stand to wait.

Because of this tendency, I have found myself in some very challenging, and sometimes even dangerous, circumstances. My excitement can lead to impulsivity, which can end in disaster. The delay of gratification is such an important concept in psychology that they found in studies where little children were told they would get a second marshmallow if they waited to eat the first one, those children who waited were exponentially more likely to succeed in life: career, family, overall happiness. This is a powerful study, and convicts me right down to my bones.

While I have learned so much through the decisions I’ve made, I think through it all God has been whispering to me to slow down. Instead of rushing into decisions out of fear, He desires for us to wait on Him- not passively, but actively seeking His guidance and wisdom in all that we do before making those decisions- especially the big life ones.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. ~Psalm 27:14

Changes in circumstances will never fix us. I read this appropriate passage in my devotional this morning:

God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can’t understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you. Never put yourself in front of your circumstances and say, “I’m going to be my own providence here; I will watch this closely, or protect myself from that.” All your circumstances are in the hand of God, and therefore you don’t ever have to think they are unnatural or unique. Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use the everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne, and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them. ~Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest)

I can either look at my experiences and circumstances as stumbling blocks and be constantly looking for ways to make things better for myself, or I can see how He is using all of these situations to form what matters most: my character. Everything is fleeting but our hearts.

As I enter into this next uncertain season of my life, I know it will be a season that requires patience and actively waiting upon the Lord. As much as I desire to know exactly what’s next, I don’t- and that’s scary. This is the first time in my life I have ever not known. I am in the in-between, and it is tempting to despair. But God promises me hope and a future in Him:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

He is faithful and will not let us down. In times and uncertainty, fear, and hopelessness, we can be certain of His unfailing providence. Even when I don’t trust myself or find myself in the darkest of places, I know I can trust Him to bring me through. Even when I feel like a failure, He will not fail me. The process that we are undergoing is a lifelong process of transformation, and this. takes. time.

This takes patience and perseverance in the waiting.