Times of transition can be the most challenging times of life- especially when the transition continues and circumstances have not settled. As I go through yet another transition, I feel myself in limbo.
I’m having an identity crisis.
My whole life has been planned up to this point. All I’ve known is school- my identity was in being a student. And I knew how to be a good student; or at least how to live the student life (a.k.a. get by with good-enough grades and spend the rest of my time doing what I want to do). Honestly, that’s how I’ve lived my life up until now.
So now that I don’t know what’s next or what lies ahead, I feel like I don’t know who I am- or what to put my identity into.
This is the perfect time to look to Christ.
When I don’t know what my next week is going to look like, I can look to Him and let Him guide my every footstep, my every breath. I surrender it all to Him- He will show me where I need to be.
I have fallen in love with this community and with Santa Cruz, which, by the way, translates to Holy Cross. I know God brought me here for a reason- just not the reason I thought. He usually operates that way, keeping us guessing and running back to Him for answers. He hasn’t given me one yet, but He has made me aware of the deep healing and cleansing He wants to do in me. As my shame, pain, and self-worth issues have resurfaced through this experience, I am running back to my Creator to remind me of who I really am.
And after I find out and rest in who I really I am, I will know where to go.
God is a protector and provider, and He places our character, our righteousness, above all else; above all circumstances and relationships and locations and jobs and the things we hold so dear and important. He wants us, our whole selves, and nothing less. If He has to knock everything else out of the way to get to us, He will.
Because He loves us.
I have nothing to hold onto but Him- I am His and He is mine. Knowing that, I have nothing to worry or fear going forward. I can step into the journey ahead with confidence, even when problems and issues arise, as they always do. I don’t need to be timid or afraid; I don’t have to hold back my personality or pretend to be someone I’m not. I am finally free.
He will make a way where I don’t see one. I am His child, His beloved, and He will bring me to completion in Him.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. ~Romans 8:28 MSG
I love the song “Nothing I Hold on To” by Will Reagan- it speaks to how desperate we are for Him and how much we need Him when we can’t see the way:
I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven
I give it all to You God
Trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me!
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.
rhythms of grace 