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I wonder if one of the hardest things in life is accepting our limitations. In our Western culture, we are praised for our accomplishments and ability to “do it all.” We are expected to be able to handle everything in our lives ourselves, and to make it look easy while doing so. If we can’t, we are seen as weak.

I have always been aware of my weakness.

Living in our culture, I constantly feel less than and “not enough” as I compare myself to the people (and particularly women) around me. I see people holding down two jobs, going to school, and somehow managing to travel and have their own side business. To me it’s absolutely insane, as I struggle to have enough energy to get out of bed most days. I feel ashamed at my lack of ambition or inability to do as much as everyone else. I feel like a Mary in a world full of Marthas. But I wonder what all this restless activity is for, anyway. I want to use my time intentionally, and maybe that doesn’t look like doing all the things. Maybe it means being present with the people around me and accepting my limitedness as a human being; allowing that to reflect God’s unlimitedness.

Maybe we have been understanding strength in completely the wrong way. Maybe it’s not how much we are capable of in ourselves, but how much we are capable of with God once we realize how incapable we actually are. Maybe we have been distracting ourselves from our own incapability by trying to prove to ourselves that we can do everything. But maybe this is all an illusion, and once we come to the end of ourselves we can experience true power.

The power of Jesus does not require human strength to operate- in fact it operates best in our weakness. Our strength is feeble compared to His, and we only have access to it through His spirit in us.

The fact that I have always been so aware of my own limitations may be the biggest blessing He has given me in my life, if I can choose to see it that way. Just as God broke Jacob’s hip to make him know his own humanity, so are we blessed when we wrestle with God and realize that He is God and we are not.

So instead of getting frustrated or down on ourselves when we feel weak and unable, we can thank God. We can rejoice that He has given us the privilege of knowing He is everything and we are but clay formed by His hands.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

We live in a culture that is all about self-promotion and being louder and larger. It’s almost as if the more attention you can draw towards yourself, the better you are by some invisible yet widely regarded ranking system. This is reflected in our obsession with social media likes, famous figures, and conformity to popular ideas and trends. We are seeking to be noticed and seen. We want to be different, special, and set apart, and at the same time we want everyone to like us.

Tozer, in his book God’s Pursuit of Man, postulates that one of the main roots of pride (self) is the need for social approval. The desire for the applause of man, rather than the approval of God.

This need for approval is misplaced. We are created to noticed, but not by the world. The world will never be able to satisfy our deep longings for approval; we are chasing dust. Even if we do receive recognition and praise from man, it will not last forever, and once again we will have to strive and strain to earn it for a fleeting moment again. It’s a never-ending game that leads to exhaustion and stress. It is not worth it.

There is One who has approved of us from the beginning, and we do not even realize that He is the only One whose approval means anything at all. What we are seeking from men can actually only be found in Christ, who knows the depths of our souls and our hearts, and sees us more than we would ever care to be seen. He is the One we can seek to please, and should seek to please, all of our days–because He is already pleased. We don’t have to try to earn His attention or His love; it is freely given. Our efforts to please Him blossom out of the knowledge that He is already delighted with us. It is the cycle of Life, and leads to the fruits of Heaven.

Friends, we are noticed. We are seen. We can stop trying to impress the world.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

As we once again come upon Easter Sunday, the day we commemorate Christ’s resurrection and power over death itself, I am so grateful for all He has done for me.

I am a grossly under-qualified person in every way. I’m not just talking about the qualifications the world cares about- degrees, experience, and education- I am talking about how I am under-qualified to be a human being. How compared to who He is, I am absolutely nothing, and no possible degree or skill could ever qualify me before the Almighty God. It is silly to even think I could stand a chance. That any of us could.

And yet He did the unthinkable- He came down to earth as one of us to qualify us. He took all of the ways we have messed up on Himself, and bore the burden of our mistakes. He lived a completely qualified life before His father.

And now, we who have no credentials whatsoever are welcome to His table:

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Luke 5:32

That’s what the cross was all about.

I had the privilege of attending a Writer’s Conference last weekend (which I of course felt unqualified to be a part of) and one of the keynote speakers shared his own journey of how God used his messy past and imperfect life to bring light to so many through his humor and books. It was so encouraging to listen to someone so successful speak with such humility and grace. He gave God all the glory and all the credit for his achievements, knowing that the ultimate achievements were the ones that pointed people to Christ.

God is not interested in our titles, knowledge, or qualities that draw attention from the world. He is interested in our hearts, and all the other stuff is filthy rags to Him. He uses us where we allow Him into our weakness; we are more often hindered by our so-called “strengths.”

Before God we all fall short; yet because of Him we are qualified to be citizens of Heaven. Praise God!

I, like most other Christians, have a tendency to separate the “sacred” from the “secular,” or at least categorize people, places, and things by my own definitions of holiness. As a result, I tend to fall into the legalistic, self-condemning trap- I haven’t read my Bible or prayed enough recently, therefore I am less righteous far away from Him. I have do something “right” to get back on track. I forget the attractiveness and comprehensiveness of God; I forget that He is more involved with every detail and moment of my life than my very breath or the people closest to me. And I forget that He calls me outside of myself and my own pursuit of righteousness to the people around me.

I forget that He Himself is Love. By His very nature He is selfless and others-focused.

I used to act overly-spiritual because it made me feel superior to others in a certain sense. I love spending time with Him in the quiet place, where He reveals so much to me about Himself and the world. There are seasons when He feels so close to me, and His Word comes to life in a vibrant way for me. I have been given words by His Spirit and been able to share my knowledge with others. But I cringe to think how I have used that as a tool of separation at times, rather than to bridge relationships. Jesus never exalted Himself; He allowed His Father to do that. We don’t need to speak for ourselves or pretend to be better than we are. All we are called to do is love one another as we love Him.

Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:10

The more I look at the world and the person of Jesus, and the more I see people who look like Him, I realize that the key quality is humility. The people who are loving others the most and don’t draw attention to themselves, who may even seem very ordinary and inconspicuous, may be the very ones we should imitate. They don’t always speak in Scripture or have a gleam in their eyes, but they pour themselves out steadily and lovingly for the Kingdom. I want to be like that.

Talk is cheap. Action is everything. God is everywhere all the time, and while it is important to set aside time for prayer and Scripture reading, it is also imperative that we spend our time seeking ways to love others- because this is the fullness of the expression of our love for Him. Out of a true love for God comes the natural impulse of loving others; they are not separate. Loving others is the same as loving Him, and it is a choice. We all know how it feels to be loved unconditionally by another person; how it can actually change who we are. How it makes us desire to transform and become better, more loving people. This is but a dim reflection of God’s love for us. And this is how we are called to love others.

Time is short and fleeting; we can either spend it working on ourselves, under the guise of becoming more “holy” and “righteous,” or we can live lives devoted to serving others and loving them as God loves them. As we focus more on Him and others, and less on ourselves, we actually become more like the people He wants us to become anyway. Self-focus never helps us grow; only when we turn our attention towards His purpose for us in this broken world (which is just to love people, whatever form that takes) do we actually “find ourselves”- when we give up our lives for His sake. This is how the fruit is produced, and it’s not something we can control. We are His agents, and we can either respond and obey, or continue to hide behind our “spirituality.” His love is practical, everyday love, and it is meant for everyone, regardless of who they are.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

His love is threefold, in that it starts within Himself in the Trinity, and then overflows to us, which then we overflow to others. It multiplies, so therefore the more we love Him and allow Him to love us, the more we will be able to love others, and the more we will see everything through the lens of love. It will become so natural and habitual that we won’t even need to think about it; it will become a way of life. I miss the point so often, and it is so incredibly simple. It is certainly not easy, but it is the only way to a truly fulfilling life. Our love for others is the fullness of the expression of His love for us, so therefore way of the cross is the way of love. Love suffers for others, and so if we truly love we will suffer as well, but it is well worth the cost. Jesus would not have laid down His life for us if it wasn’t.

Too often I limit my God to the confines of my own narrow, small thinking. Or to the confines of our narrow, small-thinking culture.

Is He limited by the boundaries we set against Him? When we carry on with our lives as though He doesn’t exist, as though He isn’t a living, loving, breathing Person who longs for relationship with us? When we forget that there is One who lived the life we should have lived and died the death we should have died, because He cares for our souls and wants to see us sanctified? Made new?

I don’t think He is limited. My brain (the world, Satan…etc.) would have me believe that I am alone in this battle, that His cause is my cause alone. As if there weren’t other warriors. As if He isn’t the ultimate Warrior, who already fought His cause for ME. Have I yet again chosen the yoke of slavery? The chains of the past?

Comfortable. These chains are comfortable. These ways are my own, worn and weary, tried and true… and yet full of lies. They keep me trapped in the place where Truth and Love cannot enter in, because it’s easier to doubt and pout. It’s easier to believe in a small God. One who changes with my every whim and feeling, so that I can justify my complaining. Justify my sin.

He is not limited by our petty reasoning. By our excuses, justifications, and failures in faith. He is not limited by my unfaithfulness, my lack of trust, or my wallowing. He just is who He is. And He just loves us. Always.

When will this sink in? When will it become the truest thing that I live and breathe every day, so much so that the blessed assurance of His death and resurrection seeps into my deepest being, causes my heart to rejoice in awesome wonder of all that He is and has done for ME? He so loved me! He so loved you!

We are loved and known! Why would we believe in a small God? Why wouldn’t we make more room in our hearts to allow the One who is big to make His dwelling place there? Why wouldn’t we strip off every weight and snare, untangle ourselves from the emptiness of the world and dare to come boldly before His throne?

Discouragement threatens to consume me, but His heart is mine. The life we’re called to is really unstoppable; it’s not some flimsy thing. It’s the surest foundation, and once I can get to the place of simple faith I’ve received my reward.

I seek nothing but Your Kingdom, Lord, nothing but You. I may be a prisoner of the earth, but I am a citizen of Heaven.

When I don’t know what is happening and my life doesn’t make sense,

He is near.

When I’ve lost all hope that I will ever find what I am looking for,

He is near.

When I am blinded by the tears that won’t stop flowing,

And weighed down by heartbreak and despair,

When it hurts to breathe and I cannot sing,

He is near.

We may feel lost, but we are found in His grace.

We may be broken, but He shines through our cracks.

We may be empty, but He fills us with Living Water, and we are poured out.

This life is not about me. My flesh rages and screams and cries for attention, to be indulged and satisfied in its lustful appetites, but His spirit whispers

Follow me. 

I won’t go back to where I’ve been. The way is only forward, the time is only now. We kick and scream and scratch and cry, but He calls us to be still and know that He is God. He stills us with His love. Our rest is found only in Him. He is near.

 

 

I feel that I have to write about this subject again because God is continuing to teach me about letting go and surrendering fully to Him in every area of my life. He’s made it evident to me that my compulsion for control has been underlying so much of my unhappiness.

I didn’t even realize I was such a controlling person, but as He has been revealing to me little tendencies, thoughts, and behaviors throughout my days, it is becoming clear that this is the root of my dissatisfaction and lack of contentment and gratitude. It’s been masked under the presence of worry, doubt, and fear- but it is nonetheless about control. And He’s revealing to me how very disobedient it is to worry, doubt, and fear, when He tells us clearly not to. Again I have to return to this beloved passage, because so so often, in fact every day, we forget:

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

~Matthew 6:25-34

Control can be manifested in so many different ways, even in ways that don’t always blatantly look controlling; our time, money, energy, relationships, eating habits, image…etc. There is really no end to the things we think we can control. And we think that if we had control, that longing and aching in us would be filled. We think if we can control the outcome of a situation, we will not have to depend on anyone but ourselves. We trust ourselves more than we trust God. We think we have all the answers; we think we know what’s best for us and others.

We make ourselves our own god. And for a while we can find success in our controlling endeavors- things may actually go our way and we start to believe that we do have some control in this life.

Until they don’t, and we let ourselves or others down. And we have to squarely face our own humanity:

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

~Romans 7:15-20

Inevitably, things will not go our way. Either circumstances will not work out or we will let ourselves down. We have to come to the realization that the control we think we have is an illusion, and then we can finally surrender to God what is already is, and begin to focus on what we actually can control, instead of wasting our time.

We can control how much we give to Him of our lives. We can control how we interact with the people he has placed in our lives, with the events of the day, and with the circumstances He has placed us in. All of these situations are opportunities for our faith to grow, and we get to choose if we will allow ourselves to grow, or remain stubborn and disobedient. That is the control He has given us- that is the work we have to do.

The work is not trying harder, or being better, or manipulating our circumstances to our own satisfaction- it is developing our character to be more like Christ’s, and we do that by complete submission. By giving Him all that we have and trusting that He will take care of us and provide for us in the ways we need, not necessarily the ways we want.

And this work is not easy, but it is the most important work we can do. However, we cannot start this work until we give up all the unnecessary work we are doing by trying to control everything and everyone around us. Things will always come up in our lives to try to distract us from doing the real work, but God will not walk us into deeper relationship with Him until He sees we are ready to give up everything to Him- we cannot be clinging to Him and the world at the same time.

I’m realizing that this is a lifelong journey- that it takes consistency and practice every day to turn my heart back to Him. My default is fear and worry; it is as natural as breathing to me. But that is my old nature, not the new one He has given me. And the new nature does not feel natural at first- we have to train ourselves to live in it. But as we do, He is faithful to help us, and it will become more natural. We will become more trusting. We will begin to see with the eyes of eternity, and not be consumed with the cares of the world. We will be able to live in the world, but not be of it.

Submitting to Christ is the most worthy thing we can ever do with our lives.