Tag: faith

thoughts

art of the heart

alyssapebbles

For so long I told myself I wasn’t creative. I looked at others around me and how gifted and talented they were, and believed I could never measure up. As a result, I haven’t cultivated the giftings and talents that God has placed in me as much as I should have- always keeping them at bay, lest they come out and betray me in some way.

Yet when I was a child I was extremely artistic, good at writing, and musically gifted. I had no thoughts of how my creativity compared to others. I simply did the things I loved and enjoyed them. It wasn’t about the output; it was about the process. I was so enraptured and captivated by what I was doing that the final product had no bearing.

God has given us a creative spirit, because He is a Creator. We are made in His image, and therefore we are made to create. Creativity is a form of worship; as we offer into the world the giftings He has put into us, we honor Him and edify others. We don’t create to win the approval of men- we create out of the abundance of life and energy that He has given us.

I’m in a season of my life where God is calling me out further into my creativity. He wants me take risks and pursue those endeavors which for so long I have stayed away from out of fear. Fear that what I create won’t be good enough- that it won’t be perfect, and therefore not worth pursuing.

Fear stifles creativity; it severs our playfulness and imagination, and makes us small-minded. It tells us nothing is good enough, so nothing is born. Perfectionism will always fight against creativity, and we must not allow it to have any space in our hearts.

Our work is a reflection of who we are- creativity is the expression of our souls. It is the most extreme form of vulnerability, to put our creations out into the world for anyone to see. It requires great risk. We must be willing to surrender our pride and fear, and allow the inevitable times of failure and disappointment to come, knowing that failure pushes forward and helps us get better.

In the last year, I have been more and more drawn to the arts- the honest expressions of those souls who are longing for something more, who create beautiful things that speak of eternity, whether it is paintings, musical compositions, or inspiring pieces of writing. Perhaps it’s because I’ve moved to such a creative place, or simply that my own soul is longing for those same things- to break free of the confines that and limitations that I’ve unwittingly set for myself. What I know is that this longing to create is universal, that something in each one of us is stirred to express ourselves through our creativity.

Art is the fruit of a meaningful existence.

 

Peurto Rico 2018

conclusion

alyssapebbles

I am grateful for the time of restoration that God has provided this past week… although it took time to settle into it, He was faithful to meet me when my heart finally opened to Him.

He has reminded me once again that He doesn’t measure me the same way I measure myself- by the world’s standards of success, power, and beauty. His system is completely different, wholly foreign to our ignorant human minds. He doesn’t work in the ways we think He should, but He gives us moments of clarity where He allows us to see as He does.

On the plane ride home, I was struck by C.S. Lewis’ words in the Four Loves:

The humblest of us, in a state of Grace, can have some ‘knowledge-by-acquaintance,’ some ‘tasting,’ of Love Himself; but man even at his highest sanctity and intelligence has no direct ‘knowledge about’ the ultimate Being- only analogies. We cannot see light, though by light we can see things. Statements about God are extrapolations from the knowledge of other things which the divine illumination enables us to know.

His thoughts and ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55). We cannot begin to imagine the gloriousness of the ways He can expand our thinking if only we would let Him. While my mind is stuck on worldly affairs and centered around myself and my own circumstances, He is crafting something much larger, and He invites me to be a part of it. If only I can stop looking inward and see Him, who has been there all along helping me:

When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it.

~C.S. Lewis

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discouragement

alyssapebbles

I think one of the main (and most effective) ways the enemy tries to attack us is through discouragement.

If he can make us lose our hope, he can steal our joy. If he can steal our joy, he can make us question and doubt everything that God is trying to do in our lives. We stop believing that there is a purpose and reason for the trials we are going through, and simply begin to think we are experiencing meaningless suffering.

The seeds of bitterness are planted.

Once our joy is stolen, life becomes drudgery. We become exhausted with our daily lives and can’t seem to find the refreshment our soul is looking for. We feel scattered and burnt out…lost. What is all of this pointing toward?

We begin to become cynical, focusing on all of the negative things, the things that could go wrong. We let worries and fears creep in and have their way in us, wearing out our already tired souls.

We are exhausted…

What if there is another way?

What if there is a way to find joy again, to have hope restored?

What if all of these challenges that feel defeating are actually strengthening you, and you didn’t even realize it?

That you’re actually stronger than you know, because you are held by a greater Strength?

When you feel down and lost and forgotten and ashamed, there is One who knows your name. There is One who ushers you deeper into His presence and gives your soul rest. His love for you is more exquisite than you would dare to imagine, and when you think you can’t go on any longer, He’s the One who will carry you.

You have to stop trying so hard to figure it all out.

My verse always remains the same, the one He’s spoken to me since the beginning:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. 

I’m not forgotten. I’m right in the middle of His will.

My mentor describes the times when we feel like we are in a fog as the times when God is actually the closest and most active. We can’t see anything around us and we are confused; we don’t understand what is happening or why. It seems chaotic and empty at the same time.

But as soon as we step out and look back, we can see what He was doing. It becomes clear as the fog lifts.

What if we learned to have the eyes of faith in the midst of what we can’t see? To trust God instead of our circumstances- to rest in His promises and know that all is well despite our very real and tangible struggles. To live in this world but not of it…so that we remember we are set apart and sacred, that nothing unclean can really touch or claim us at all.

My feelings will always betray me, but Christ remains constant and steady. I never have to be overtaken by the spirit of discouragement, because God is redeeming all things to Himself. While my circumstances change, His Word remains true. I don’t have to give in to despair.

I’m walking a new way.

 

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perseverance

alyssapebbles

A close friend texted a word of encouragement to me the other day: it was an exhortation to keep persevering and enduring in this seemingly endless season of uncertainty in my life.

Though I’ve witnessed God’s powerful and life-changing work, there is still always the temptation to give up- to stop being hopeful and give into cynicism and discouragement over the reality of my circumstances.

But through it all, He has been guarding my heart and mind. He has given me the ability to persevere. I am able to get up early each morning instead of sleeping in, not knowing what my plans will be for the day but trusting that He will be in whatever I do- whether it’s applying for the twenty-fifth job or going on a spontaneous adventure with a friend. He’s in it. I don’t worry anymore because worry does absolutely nothing but hold us back.

If worry and fear are no longer options, there is only one choice: to press on. To continue in Him with strength and discipline, to move forward. Dwelling on the past and fretting about the future are both wastes of time, and He calls me to be with Him here and now.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

~Matthew 6:34

We spend so much energy worrying about things that are out of our control. We let our troubles consume us, as though obsessing about them will somehow make them go away. We magnify our problems and minimize Christ.

But God asks of us a simple obedience out of trust- to actually trust Him in all the trials we face, not just some. Once we begin to consistently obey Him in everything, we begin to experience the hard work of perseverance:

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

~James 1:4

Of course God doesn’t allow hardship into our life to defeat us. Testing and trials are all for our benefit, and all can draw us closer to Him. The road ahead may look long and arduous, and the outcome may be unclear. You may only have a glimpse of the plan, or perhaps it is completely hazy. There will be dry spells and wilderness seasons. We will have times where we feel like we are wandering, unsure exactly where we are headed- or if we are headed anywhere at all. But we must not be discouraged in these times:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

~Joshua 1:9

That’s when we turn to what we can’t see- when our human lenses fail us, we must rely on faith. We must keep showing up and meeting with God. If we continue to hope and endure, He will reward us. We will begin to see the fruit in our lives that can only develop through trials: the fruits of patience, peace, gentleness, self-control- the fruit of joy. We will become mature and more and more like Christ, as he prunes away the dead parts of us that were getting in the way. We must look ahead to the other side of the mountain, where God is waiting with open arms.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

~Isaiah 40:31

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trust revisited

alyssapebbles

In January I wrote on the subject of trust, and after re-reading that post I am inspired and similarly challenged today. Trust is so central to our faith that we must constantly strengthen ourselves by trusting Him.

In case you haven’t read it, here it is:

https://alyssapebbles.wordpress.com/2017/01/29/trust/

This verse, written on a piece of paper stuck on my mentor’s refrigerator, has captured me in this uncertain season of life:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve not known such a season of testing my trust as this; my whole life had been planned out thoroughly up to this point. I realize this is an incredible time of surrender- to really and truly allow Him to dictate my forward motion and guide me into the rest of my life in ways that I haven’t allowed Him to before. I’m so grateful I don’t have to have it all figured out. It seems He’s put me in this spot to reveal truths about His character that I never would have discovered otherwise, had things worked out the way I had planned. In the uncertainty and unknowing, He is there.

I love the way Eugene Peterson writes these Proverbs in The Message:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

Run to God! Run from evil!

I’m also reminded of this verse:

In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps.

~Proverbs 16:9

I am so grateful to have a Father who knows what He is doing, but He does have one stipulation: that we be wholeheartedly devoted to Him and no one or nothing else. As someone who likes to keep her options open and is easily thrown from one thing to another out of fear of commitment and consequences for actions, I am convicted by these verses in James:

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

~James 1:6-8

It’s never Jesus and. It’s only Jesus. It’s easy to be enticed by shiny, new things- new ideas, goals, careers, friends, churches, material things, especially during a season of possibility, where anything can happen. But we must remain focused on Him, and bring every decision and choice into the light of His word. If we are “double-minded” and can’t commit to something for fear of missing out on something else, we will end up with nothing. You can’t be a “lukewarm” Christian- that is not being a Christian at all.

In a Bethel sermon I recently listened to, Kris Vallotton talked about creating an “ecosystem” of Christ in us, so that we are not so easily conformed to whatever environment we happen to be in, molding ourselves to situations instead of allowing Christ to mold us through our situations and circumstances. He touches on a Scripture which I also frequently go back to:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

~Romans 12:2

His way is a straight and narrow path, and only few enter it (Matthew 7:14). We have to seek first His kingdom, and then everything else will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). As long as I am consistently nourishing myself with His word and His truth and trusting Him with my fears, joys, and pains, regularly letting Him transform me from the inside, I cannot make a wrong decision. The only wrong decision is to let fear paralyze us and lead us astray, stopping us from stepping into His story. Stagnation is the opposite of growth- and the enemy to our faith. He will use whatever decisions we make, as my mentor so adequately put, as long as we are committed to Him in our decisions and not wishy-washy…and then even if we aren’t! Even if we feel like we’ve made too many mistakes or missed the boat, it is never too late to begin anew, trusting Him completely going forward. He will wash away the sins of our past if we come to Him, and help us to live transformed lives.

This is a scary ordeal. This requires faith. This requires trust. This requires letting go of control and facing the truth about ourselves (as despicable as it may sometimes be), allowing God’s consuming fire to burn away all that is displeasing to Him to become more of who we were created to be.

And in that is freedom.

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not my will

alyssapebbles

Sometimes God asks us to do the hardest things- to surrender our own desires and wills for His. In fact if we are truly following Christ, we have to be daily willing to die to ourselves so that we may be filled with His life. Otherwise we are simply cutting ourselves off from Him and won’t be able to receive the glorious gifts He wants to give us.

God wants all of us, the whole and totality of our beings, and nothing less. When we let things, ideas, jobs, careers, family, friends, and relationships become our priorities- our idols- over Him, He is not pleased. When we try to make things work in our own power instead of His, we are destined to fail.

This is one of the hardest truths to absorb: Not my will, but His.

Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for? ~Matthew 16:24-26 The Message

Jesus Himself had to come to this agonizing point when He knew of the looming death that was ahead of Him, and He cried out to God:

Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine. ~Luke 22:42

Sometimes we push so hard for our own way because we are so terrified of giving it up to God- of what the outcome will look like. But when we are walking with the Lord, we don’t ever need to be concerned with the outcome. If we trust and know that He is who He says He is, we are free to surrender our lives before Him and know that whatever happens will ultimately be for our good- even if it doesn’t make sense right now. We can let go of our own wills and take up our crosses.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~1 Peter 5:10

God never leaves us in the dark- we may find ourselves there for a while, but it is through the trials that we grow and are strengthened in Him.