big

In my own head, I make my world small.

I let fear rule my thoughts, emotions, and actions.

I let lies become truth, and my courage dissipates.

My hope evaporates, and I’m left despondent and confused.

What happened?

Where is God?

How did I get here?

How did I let my life become so small, my heart so cold? How did I let fear become my reality, so that it’s difficult to get out of bed in the morning and face the pain of the day?

I stopped trusting. I lost faith. I forgot my God.

My God who can move mountains. My God who can make a way in the wilderness, make a way where I can’t see one. My God who would never let me get in the way of His glorious and wonderful plans for my life. My God.

He is still good. He is still faithful. He hasn’t stopped loving me because I made my world small- because I let the prince of darkness become my new master. He knows I am not control. He knows the condition of my heart and the endless circles my weary little mind runs in to try and do what only He can.

He sees me. He loves me. He forgives me. And He sets me free.

Free to leave the past behind. Free to move forward in hope and confidence, knowing that I am fully His and nothing I could ever do will change that- no failure is so great that He is not greater still. And He can actually use our failures to change us and develop our character, to make us more like Him.

I cry out: “How, God, how could you still want me?”

He replies: “You are mine, daughter. Stop running and hiding. Run to Me- Hide in Me.”

The shame is over. The regret is behind us. There is only forward, only here and now. We can wallow or we can be washed.

And He is with us.