Tonight I received a fresh insight from God as I worshipped at my church. I became aware that for so long I have lived my life as an outsider, used to being on the sidelines looking in, never quite at the center of the action or with the “in” crowd.
I have become so used to being lonely that I forget I even am.
I had built my identity around my differences- what made me unique, special, and different than everyone else. But focusing on differences can lead to isolation, and I’ve been down that road way too many times. We start to get comfortable with it, start to believe this is how it always will be–I will never be good enough for God to use me; I will never be on the “inside.”
And that is comfortable and safe for some of us.
Living into who we are called to be is so scary. It requires we shift our whole thinking about ourselves, it requires that we walk in victory.
“Every God-begotten person conquers the world’s ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world’s ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.” ~1 John 5:4-5 MSG
What scares me even more than being different is being the same. I think we sometimes take on these rebellious ways because we don’t want to adhere to the status quo; we want to be our own unique person, like no other. And God created us that way. He chose each one of us specifically to do the specific work that He calls us to. We are all parts of a body, and no two of us is the same.
And finally, God wants us to be united in heart and mind. We cannot be united if we are constantly pointing out our differences, or if we believe we don’t have what it takes to be in the “inner circle” of God’s kingdom. God calls us to confidence and a life without insecurity. He didn’t make you to be on the outside looking in; once you have given your life over to Jesus, life eternal is yours- you share in the victory!
It’s not that we earned our way to the inside or deserve it. It is a gift we have received- but that’s the thing…we have to actually receive it! And receiving something we don’t deserve is so hard. But as long as we don’t, we remain victims of own self-pity and the world around us.
Groucho Marx said these famous words:
“I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”
I don’t know about you but I thoroughly resonate with that. I want to be part of Christ’s club, but I don’t want to bring myself and all of my inadequacy into it. I want to be a new self, and I want to stop worrying so much about that self so I can focus on Him.
The Good News is that that is exactly the club we are invited into: one where we bring our sorry selves but come out changed and new, free to live the lives we were called to live, without fear or self-consciousness but in full assurance and confidence of whom we belong to.
rhythms of grace 