uncertainty

Transitonary, in-between phases of life are hard, because they are uncertain. Uncertainty is uncomfortable. We don’t know where we are going, so all security and stability is thrown out the window.

In this season of my life, where I don’t know what lies ahead of me (as many other people in this season of graduation), I actually don’t feel afraid for once. I have finally learned to put my trust in my Maker and not in my own plans, because I’ve learned from disappointment after disappointment that my own plans are not good enough- that they will always let me down when I idolize them as the thing that will save me. I’ve finally learned to loosen my grip and trust that God knows the desires of my heart, because He put them there, and plans to fulfill them in His way, in His time.

Don’t get me wrong, this is still hard for me. I am waiting to hear back about an internship that seems like the perfect fit, an opportunity I jumped on thinking “This must be God’s plan!” Why else would He dangle it in front of me like a carrot on a stick? Surely He would not withhold a good thing from me. But in this (short) season of waiting, I am being reminded that I cannot control the outcome, and whether or not I get this internship, He will still be the leader and Lord of my life. He has not abandoned me if I don’t get it, and He has not abandoned me if I do.

We keep looking for things other than Jesus to be our saving grace, to be the thing that will make us. We idolize our futures as though when we finally get married, get that perfect job, have perfect kids, or make enough money to have the things we want and live a comfortable life, we will be happy. But what if you got that thing you wanted so desperately, and it didn’t fulfill you in the way you expected it to? What if I get this internship, and it turns out not to be not what I had hoped it would?

Last year, I applied to work at a summer camp and quickly accepted the job offer, thinking it would be the most amazing and growing experience of my life- that the experience would change me and I would finally find the happiness I had been seeking. It did those things, to be sure, but not in the way I planned or expected. God has to break our expectations to help us see that His are so much better.

We will reach our destination, but not on our own terms. The sooner we learn that the better.