trust

It’s funny how we think we are so in control of our own lives until one little change completely shakes and shatters our confidence. I am reminded how fragile I am and how much I allow the world to define me instead of God, who is the One in which my identity actually lies. We are so easily thrown off course into the wilderness, just like the Israelites, even when we might have believed only minutes ago that we were completely immune to that kind of sinful living.

God has reminded me how selfish I am, how very little I actually trust Him with my life when it comes to down to it. I “trust” Him when I feel in control, but as soon as I recognize that control as an illusion, I am immediately thrown into a fit of fear and anxiety and it’s like all the truth I know has just been thrown out the window. Where does this painful insecurity come from? It is not from God.

I know I am trusting God when there is peace in my heart; when my identity does not feel threatened every moment of the day and I am constantly searching for approval from others, devastated if I don’t receive it. Which is most of the time. If we are looking to other people to affirm our identity we will never be satisfied, because no one person can ever understand you completely. No one person can ever support you completely or love you completely. We live in a fallen world. That is why we need Jesus, so so desperately. Our identities, our souls, are at stake. We have to trust Him with everything or else we don’t really trust Him at all and we are subject to what the world says about us. That’s how it works.

Easier said than done.

So what do I do when the lies and anxiety and pain are so real in my head that I can’t breathe? I have to, have to, give it up to God. I have to let go and realize that it’s not my burden to bear. That God doesn’t want me to suffer in this way- suffer from my own doing: from fear. Trust is not passive; it requires me to actively fight against the lies and see my life for what it really is. It requires me to see the bigger picture of what God is doing and allow Him to do it, knowing that He has my best, and everyone’s best, in mind. It’s time to stop letting fear drive the car.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7