Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.
Galatians 6:4-5
For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from comparisonitis. When I was a kid, my friends’ toys were always better than mine. As a teenager, it was all about my rank in the social hierarchy. In college and young adulthood I was looking at who had better skin or was more successful in their academics and careers. And finally, as a new mom, I find myself watching other young moms to see how they are navigating postpartum life––how what they post on Instagram measures up to my life and what kind of stay-at-home mom side gigs they are pursuing.
And the sad thing is, with all the comparing I’ve done, I usually end up with the short end of the stick. Or, rarely, I am left with a false sense of superiority if I feel like I win the comparison. Either way, I think I am missing the point, and the fact that I’m comparing at all shows I have a heart problem. Maybe you are in the same boat?
To be fair, social media has inflated our comparison problem to epic proportions. Now with a simple touch of our finger we can enter into a world that portrays only the best of people’s lives. It’s no wonder that we feel insecure when we are only looking at people’s polished images of themselves and not seeing their real, messy, everyday lives.
But we can’t blame social media alone. We have to admit that there is something in us that immediately compels us to measure ourselves against one another, instead of accepting and embracing each other. I am certainly guilty of this. My first thought when meeting someone new (especially other women) is often “wow, she is so much ______ (prettier, friendlier, smarter…etc.) than me.” Instead of seeking to get to know them, I become self-focused and self-conscious and thereby inhibit the connection. Comparison is paralyzing, especially when you’ve deemed yourself less-than. It disables you from truly engaging with others fully because you are so caught up in yourself.
My husband recently reminded me that in the same way we see only the best on social media, in many ways that is true in real life too. People don’t immediately display their flaws––you have to get to know them to see those. So even though it may seem like someone has it all together on the outside, you don’t know what keeps them up at night or what kind of struggles they are dealing with. They may actually be going through something terrible and are just really good at faking a smile. Don’t automatically assume other people are perfect.
God has given us each our own little patch of grass, and He never intended for us to bother too much about anyone else’s. There are so many different shades of green, and even though yours may be different than hers, it doesn’t mean it’s any less green. In fact, your green may be more bright and vibrant to some people, while hers may be a more forest green. The point is, we will get nowhere by focusing on other people’s patches––we must learn to nurture and cultivate our own, within our own unique life circumstances. God made us all for different purposes, so there is little use in comparing, as it is truly like trying to compare apples and oranges.
The next time you catch yourself comparing, take a step back and try to notice what is coming up. What is it she has that you want? If it is in your control to achieve it, such as a certain job or lifestyle choice, take the steps to get there. If it is not (such as a certain body type or other God-given attribute), try to let it go and accept that you are made differently but are just as beautiful.
I know it’s easier said than done, but we have to stop letting our minds spiral into comparison as though we have no control over it. We really do, and we really can start learning to genuinely appreciate others and their gifts instead of comparing ourselves to them. We will become so much more joyful and content once we let go of comparison, and able to live fully into the calling God has for our lives.
rhythms of grace 