My husband and I have been apartment shopping. We want to move closer to his work and want an extra bedroom for our beloved little babe. I check Zillow every morning to peruse the new listings for June, and this morning I saw the perfect. one.
It was in our budget, close to Mitch’s work, and even has a waterfront view with a little garden. I immediately started envisioning our little family within those walls, me playing with the baby on the floor in the living room with a cup of coffee in hand while looking out through the floor-to-ceiling windows over the lagoon. It was a peaceful and perfect scenario in my head.
So of course, I reached out instantly in every way possible to the owner, doing some serious digging to find his email address and phone number which were not immediately apparent on Zillow. I requested a tour for Saturday and could feel the hope rising in my chest.
And then the owner got back to me and told me it’s no longer available. My heart sunk. I felt way too devastated, and mad at myself for getting so hopeful in the first place. Mind you, this was after a conversation with my husband in which he chastised me for getting my hopes up too high about things and I rebuked him right back for being too cynical.
Turns out, he was right (and he loved hearing me say that). I do get my hopes up way too high for things. I always have– I am a dreamer. As soon as I set my sights on something I want, I don’t let go. And the inevitable consequence when things don’t work out is a crushed spirit and anger at myself for knowing better.
I realize it is about control. It is about me thinking that I know what’s best for my life. If I had only seen the listing four days ago… I think. But that game in my head is not worth playing, as my husband points out. “If I had only” statements lead to a whole lot of doubting and very little trusting. They are not faith-building statements.
What we see as missed opportunities, God wants us to see as opportunities to trust Him for something better.
“If I had only” statements will drive us absolutely crazy and undermine our whole journey if let them. What we see as missed opportunities, God wants us to see as opportunities to trust Him for something better. He closed this door, so He must have a better one that He wants to open. I know that sounds cliché and like feel-good Christian babble, but I do believe it’s true. I have to believe it’s true, or those if-onlys will eat me alive.
When I look back on my life, God has been nothing but faithful in similar circumstances. When the man I thought I was going to marry and I broke up, I met my husband. When I didn’t get the job I thought would be perfect for me, He gave me a better one. He has always used rejection and disappointment not only to grow my character but to enable me to see what I truly need instead of what I want. But it only comes with hindsight. And that’s not to say that things always work out in the end–there are still a myriad of unfinished stories and questions of how He’s going to provide in my life. But historically He has, so I can trust that He will continue to.
Whatever disappointment or rejection you are facing, try to let it go and move on (after properly grieving it of course–there is nothing wrong with that). Trust that God has more and better for you up ahead, even though you can’t see it right now.
At the risk of sounding totally cliché and upsetting some people by using this verse perhaps out of context, I still think it’s relevant and a lovely reminder when disappointment rears its ugly head:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
*Addendum: the day after I wrote this post, my mom found us a beautiful apartment complex in that same area by the water. We jumped on one of the available units that was miraculously in our price range and got it. It’s available sooner than the other one and and even has an extra bathroom. God is good.
rhythms of grace 