Yesterday my husband Mitch and I were walking around the reservoir by my parents’ house, enjoying the lovely surroundings and adorable dogs that are a staple of Lafayette. Nearly the whole three miles, I had my eyes on the woman about fifty paces ahead of us in her cute workout outfit, carrying a baby I couldn’t see in one of those body-wrap baby carriers. I watched and admired her, telling myself that that’s who I was going to be next year with my new baby boy: the cute, fit mom.
I was all caught up in my reverie until we came up behind a young family with two little girls. One of the girls was screaming her head off and being dragged begrudgingly by her worn-out father as she insisted they turn around (even though the end of the loop trail was so close, as her parents kept trying to calmly tell her). She wouldn’t stop screaming with a slightly demonic undertone, and I watched as every passerby gave the poor family the side-eye. I could feel the judgment oozing out of each one of them and was even tempted myself to blame those exhausted parents for their child’s misbehavior.
We walked behind them for an agonizing few minutes, both sympathizing with the parents but also perturbed at the thought of our own child behaving this way. What if we can’t control our kid? What if he turns out to be a little nightmare? How do we ensure he is the perfect child? These were the anxious thoughts I’m sure were swimming around in both of our minds at that moment, as we exchanged slightly panicked looks.
We finally passed the family and nearly had to cover our ears from the anguished cries of the little girl- and ended up catching up with the fit mom.
“That’s a little scary, isn’t it?” she started as we fell into a synchronized pace.
“Only slightly,” I sarcastically responded, surveying her beautiful, golden-curled, blue-eyed baby boy bouncing happily in his carrier. I compared and contrasted this scene to the one we just witnessed and wondered if God was trying to teach me something.
We proceeded to have a conversation about babies and kids, and I told her we were expecting our first in July. She congratulated us and enthusiastically began to talk about a special “smart” bassinet that she was sure was the reason her baby has been able to sleep through the night. I was immediately entranced- was this the secret key to her perfect baby? I felt privy to an insider cool-mom club. All of a sudden I needed this bassinet. The bassinet was the key to keeping our baby from becoming like the screaming child we just passed. Maybe if I bought this bassinet, our baby would even have golden curls and bright blue eyes.
We parted ways and I immediately whipped out my phone to research the “Snoo.” I didn’t even have to read the reviews to be sold on it. It automatically rocks your baby when he gets fussy and even has a swaddling feature to keep him in place so he doesn’t roll over in the night. The cool mom obviously knew what she was talking about, and had a perfect baby boy to show for it.
I showed it to Mitch and he said no. It’s $1400 and only meant for the first six months of life. But my heart felt so attached. And I started to think about why.
Why do I think if I buy all the right things for my baby, I will be protected from normal parenting struggles? Why does the perfect registry seem like the key to the perfect baby?
I have been inundated with so many new gadgets marketed towards the “modern mom” and baby. My Pinterest and Instagram feeds are saturated with pregnancy and baby products, and it’s all just a little overwhelming. There are too many options, and I’m terrified if I put the wrong items on my registry I’m going to completely screw up our kid.
So I have to take a breath and a step back. And I have to remember that nothing I buy for my little one is going to make or break him. I have to remember that God cares more about preparing my heart than my house for this upcoming season of parenthood.
And I think that this principle can be applied to any season you may be preparing for or currently in. We are bombarded by “stuff” that makes big claims to fix our lives. Or to turn us into the person we want to become. With all forms of media constantly at our fingertips comes all forms of advertising. And they’ve gotten more and more sneaky at knowing exactly what we want and marketing to that.
You’ve seen the ads- the skin products that show up in your feed after complaining about your acne to a friend, the advertisement for online courses after researching going back to school… the internet is getting super creepy.
So we have to be more disciplined than ever at deciding what we allow to take root in our minds. The constant barrage of false promises to fix our lives is not going to end anytime soon- in fact it will most likely get worse as media becomes more and more prevalent. We can believe every lie it tells us, or we can remember that we already have everything we need to be who we were made to be.
Instead of focusing on what I need for my new baby right now (although I definitely do need some things!) I want to focus on what I need in my heart. I want to focus on what God is changing and molding in me to become the mother he wants me to be. More patience, more joy, more endurance… more love. Babies need plenty of things, but what they need the most from their mamas is the deep and abiding love of Christ.
So, in these next few months, as I buy the things and prepare the room, I will also be preparing my heart. And I will invite God into the rooms of my heart that need to be swept clean and renovated before a baby moves in. And I pray that I won’t get so caught up in all the shiny things that I forget to sit with Him and let Him do the transforming work inside of me.
rhythms of grace 