Like many other engaged people in this time, I am being forced to reflect more deeply on the meaning of marriage. (As an aside, The Meaning of Marriage is a great book by Tim Keller that has profoundly shaped my understanding of marriage, and I highly recommend it).
With our approaching wedding being so uncertain and being unable to plan practically anything, I have to reconsider the importance of having the “perfect wedding.” I was getting so caught up in all the details and excited for the big day where I would have all the people I love gathered around me for this life-altering event.
In a sense I feel robbed. I think of all the beautiful weddings I’ve been to the past few summers, and it feels unfair that I can’t have that too. It’s so hard not to become bitter and ungrateful.
And yet, I know God is inviting me into something better during this season. Not only is He teaching me to surrender my desires and hopes to Him, but also help me to focus on the point of marriage in the first place. The fact that it’s not about the venue or the colors or perfectly placed floral arrangements–it’s about two hearts becoming one.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31
I have cried many tears in this time, for the world as a whole and for all those who have lost out on special celebrations. Because though it is not about the decorations and details, there is valid grief over the loss of having many gathered around you on your special day.
But maybe sometimes all those people and things serve as a distraction. Maybe when we’re so focused on all the details of a wedding, we forget to actually enjoy it. Maybe God is saving me from myself and my own obsession with insignificant details by making it virtually impossible to plan them.
Maybe He is turning my heart to Him and to my soon-to-be husband.
Slowly but surely God is shifting my perspective, and while I am still hopeful for a big celebration, I am learning to be okay with a smaller one too. I am learning that the moment will be special no matter what, as our two hearts join. There is no reason to be bitter or disappointed, because God has given me this miracle.
rhythms of grace 