I don’t always realize the state of my heart until something precious to me is threatened.
This morning I woke up in high spirits, praising God for all of the ways He’s blessed me throughout this pandemic. And yet, as soon as I received bad news mere hours later, I immediately became angry and cursed Him in my heart.
Am I really that fickle? Am I really so dependent on what I deem are His blessings? Am I to know what is a curse or a blessing?
The way we respond to our circumstances, particularly the bad ones, is revealing of our character. I want to bless the Lord, whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, but instead I find myself angry and downcast when He thwarts my plans.
But He is so gentle with me. I am surprised by my reactions, but He is not. He knows my heart and how quick it is to put hope into earthly things, and so He takes certain things away for my benefit. I have to trust that He is still in control and working all things together for my good.
Maybe my will wasn’t the best way. Maybe He has something so much better planned, that I can’t understand right now.
I take comfort in the fact that He is good, and He is for me. Although the unregenerate part of me wants to curse Him and wallow in self-pity, I can’t anymore, because I know His character. He’s revealed it to me in a million ways, and He’s never let me down. I may still act like a spoiled child, but I can’t run from what I know–that He is good, and that He doesn’t change depending on my circumstances. That in fact His goodness is sometimes most displayed when He gives me the cups I don’t want to drink.
He grieves with me, but He knows what’s ahead.
Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy nameThe sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes
rhythms of grace 