Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4
As encouraging as this verse is, I find it hard to count my trials as all joy–especially when it comes to the chronic health issues I have had for what feels like far too long. It feels like they have overshadowed all other joys in my life, and stolen my youth, energy, and oftentimes hope.
Sometimes my health problems feel so overwhelming, and I feel so frustrated and angry that I have these issues at only twenty-three. I envy other healthy and strong people my age who are able to do everything they want to with no seeming health limitations. They have all the energy in the world– like twenty-three year olds should. They have perfect skin and functioning digestive systems and don’t have to take naps four times a day. They don’t suffer from mood swings and constant allergies, or have to plan out times in their day for rest so they don’t get too exhausted.
It’s so easy to play the victim.
And yet that is not how God wants me to deal with my problems. He does not allow me to suffer so I can complain against him. He wants me to turn my mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11), to praise Him when I feel helpless and out of control in my afflictions. It’s an invitation to realize that He is in control, and no matter how much I worry or complain, His will will be done in my life, even if that means I have to deal with these issues for the rest of my life.
But the good news is He is compassionate and merciful, and doesn’t enjoy watching me suffer. He is close to me in my pain, and He is a God of healing. He will heal me when He so chooses, and until then I will do everything in my power to work towards that end. I am grateful for modern medicine and doctors that specialize in everything under the sun–these are gifts from Him. As I work towards my physical healing, I trust that He is working to heal me in deeper ways through my afflictions. He is healing my character and making me a stronger person on the inside.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10
It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might lean your statutes.
Psalm 119:71
Sometimes the only way He can get us to come to Him is through our afflictions, if we are willing to look beyond our own pain and struggle and see what truly matters. If we are willing to let go of the things that seem most important (such as health!) and recognize that He is even more important and completely in control. We can’t see Him as our helper until we are helpless. We can’t see Him as our healer until we are sick.
So yes, I thank God for my afflictions.
rhythms of grace 