These days when I have so much time to finally delve into the creative pursuits I have wanted to for so long I find myself… struggling. It seems almost as if there is an invisible wall, and I just can’t seem to get through it.
The pressure of perfection?
The sense that my contribution won’t matter?
Fear of failure?
I can’t put my finger on the issue at hand, but I know that it is inextricably tied to my sense of worth, as are most things of difficulty. I know God made me an artist, a creative in the image of the Creator, and yet I can’t seem to find the discipline and endurance to do just that: create. I find myself seeking other ways to distract myself from the nagging sense of purpose I know can only be from Him.
I have many artistic friends whom I envy their ability to produce and have a steady output of beautiful work. I long to be like them, yet something is holding me back. It’s incredibly frustrating.
I have dreams of being an author or a songwriter. I have the general sense that my purpose is along these lines, but I don’t know where to start. As soon as I sit down to write a song or a chapter of a book, I am paralyzed. I can’t think of a single thing I want to communicate, even though throughout my days dozens of ideas are whirring about in my mind.
I only hope other creatives can understand my dilemma.
rhythms of grace 