We are constantly settling for so much less than God has for us. We allow life to give us what we think we deserve- no more, no less. And yet God wants to give us what we don’t deserve. He wants to give us more than we could ever imagine. Why do we settle?
You have to come from a place of knowing, knowing how much worth you have in Christ, that He desires more for you than you could ever possibly desire for yourself. It is above our understanding; we can’t wrap our minds around it, and yet we must live into it or else we will never be fully satisfied. I feel the yearning for more in my life- I am not satisfied because I am looking to everyone but Christ to satisfy me, which will never amount to anything but more dissatisfaction. God doesn’t work on my terms and my timing but I keep trying to force Him to.
My way! My way! I’m screaming in my head. I feel like I’m about to explode with longing.
What do I long for? Certainly not what’s not good enough. Which is what I chase after, stupidly thinking each time it’s going to fulfill that aching hole in my soul.
It won’t. Why do I have to learn this lesson over and over again? There is no harmony, no peace in stubbornly pursuing my own agenda. There is none, don’t fool yourself. I’m sick and tired of it. I’m fed up! What’s the solution?
It’s not easy, giving up what you want. You think your plan is really great, right? I think mine is. I like my plan a lot. It seems unfair that God doesn’t like my plan, that He insists on making me wait and be patient. I don’t feel patient. I don’t feel like waiting. I want what I want, and I want it now. I’m a five year old throwing a temper tantrum.
But luckily, God is patient with us. He will let us throw our fit. We can wrestle with Him-Jacob did.
That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel,[b] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
That’s what I feel like doing- demanding a blessing from God. I’ve waited long enough and I’m ready to be blessed, to experience victory. And God wants that for me too. He doesn’t want me to be complacent. But He is also a loving Father and needs to correct me. He won’t let me have my way when I am complaining like a child. What is to be gained if I get everything I want, when I want it? Spoiled, rotten pride and self-righteousness.
So once again, I find myself surrendering to His will, because my own leads to death. I can’t escape the pain that I cause myself, but there is another way. I know I will come out of this stronger than before, closer to God and His will for me. Maybe right now I don’t believe that His promises are better than what I have in mind, but it’s not up to me. I’m not in control, and neither are you. So let’s stop wasting our time and settling for less than the abundant life of Christ.
rhythms of grace 