As I have mentioned many times before, I have always struggled with self-worth. It is not something that I think will ever go away, but there are ways to manage it, and let me tell you right now: beating yourself up and criticizing yourself is about the worst way to manage it. It shuts us down into a tight ball of shame that takes so much soul nurturing to come out of. I have experienced this way too many times and I never want to again, nor see anyone else go through the same thing.
Why do we treat ourselves so unkindly sometimes? What evolutionary purpose does it serve? What causes the onset of these critical and condemning voices? First thing’s first: the condemnation does not come from God. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that He is trying to whip you into shape by pointing out every last flaw until you change and become perfect. This. is. not. possible. That voice is called Perfectionism and it is essentially the Devil in disguise- seeking to kill and destroy our souls. Perfectionism tells us that once we become perfect (in any facet- appearance, status, money, job, family, you name it) we will be happy. Except one little caveat: that will never happen. You cannot and will not ever become perfect in any area of your life. Perfectionism is fear and control-based; it shimmies into our lives as a result of us feeling dissatisfied by something about ourselves or our life and feeling the need to control and fix it instead of giving it up to God, who is really the only one who can actually fix it. We are fooling ourselves!
I have to learn this lesson over and over again. It may actually be the most important lesson I’ve learned in my life, and yet somehow I keep forgetting it. Somehow I keep letting the little gremlins into my mind that tell me I’m never good enough, never doing enough, that I will never be who I am supposed to be. I become so consumed in this negative identity and spiral of thoughts that I become hopeless and I forget that Jesus is right there begging for me to give myself some grace because He already has. We fall into pits, and we think we can dig ourselves out but we only dig ourselves deeper in.
Jesus is the one who lifts us up out of our pity-party, our miserable wallowing in our own brokenness. He knows we’re broken- that’s why He came. It is because of Him that we no longer have to dwell in that place; He saved us from our worst enemy: ourselves. I am amazed every time I remember this truth and begin to see from a new lens, how all of a sudden it is so much easier to offer myself grace and forgive myself when I remember that I have already been given grace and been forgiven. It’s a miracle! I am free! I am free to fill my mind with truth and goodness and hope and joy and let go of the critical, condemning voices. I am free to pursue wholeness, instead of perfection; oneness with God. He is not disappointed in me, and He is not disappointed in you. We are so much harder on ourselves than anyone else, especially God. He loves us as we are, no matter how much of a mess we may feel. It is from that place of unconditional love that we can grow and change and become even more of who we were meant to be. Shame shuts us down and doesn’t allow us to change; God’s love makes it impossible not to change.
So stop trying to fix yourself. That’s God’s job. Listen and trust, and learn to rest in Him. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
rhythms of grace 