When we feel attacked, we often want to attack back. An eye for an eye, a nose for a nose…whatever you want to call it. But as children of God, we are asked to respond differently to conviction- not to seek revenge or act out but to learn from our mistakes and offer ourselves the grace that Christ so freely offers us. Easier said than done.
There is something utterly threatening to our very being when we know we must change our ways, whether that means being less materialistic, changing the way we interact with others, or ending some bad habit or addiction. It is an experience of cognitive dissonance, as I have learned from Social Psychology: acting in opposition to what we believe and our values- basically being a hypocrite. We are good at talking the talk, but do we really walk the walk?
I notice when I feel convicted, the way I see the world around me is tinted. I am annoyed easily, I get frustrated by people; I am ultimately angry at myself. I always know that’s what it comes down to-this disappointment in the way that I am not living up to God’s expectations for me, acting out of selfishness instead of conviction. But God is so gracious and does not hold our sin against us, so we don’t have to hold it against ourselves. Sometimes I find it easier and more comfortable to live in guilt and shame (because it is what I have always known) than to acknowledge my sin and bring it before Him, and then move on. It’s the moving on part that is scary- the part where we have to actually change our ways and live differently. We would rather be miserable than live into that scary freedom that Christ offers us–we think.
Instead of being consumed by anger, guilt, or fear, what if we allowed God to mold us and shape us through our sin, through our repentance? What if we truly let go of those things that hold us back, even though they are comfortable restraints? Last night I heard a sermon about the little gods we worship- health, beauty, success, relationships. These are gods we have known for so long that giving them up can feel like the most painful thing, when in reality giving them up opens us up to an entirely new and free way of life. I know my little gods: vanity, materialism, self-righteousness. I don’t want them in my life anymore, and God doesn’t either. Give up your little gods for the one Big God. It’s worth it.
rhythms of grace 